It all happened so fast. One minute, everything felt normal… and the next, I was staring at his message, trying to figure out why it didn't feel the same anymore.
I had just finished breakfast when my phone buzzed again. His name.
I stared at his text longer than I used to. That was odd, I usually replied so fast, but this time I just felt exhausted in a way. Not the normal kind of tired… just off. I kept looking at it like maybe the feeling would come back, that usual small excitement I always got. But nothing came.
The excitement wasn't there. That usual rush I got whenever I saw his name… it didn't come this time. It just felt like stress. Like something I didn't want to deal with, even though I still did.
"Hey 🌚"
That's how he usually said it.
I replied after like ten minutes.
"What's up"
And he said, "How are you." Keeping his tone.
"I'm fine."
Usually I text with emojis to show my emotions, but this time I didn't. My texts were vague. Short. Empty in a way I didn't even try to fix.
I knew he noticed my texts were different… he just didn't think it was worth asking about.
I didn't even care anymore if he noticed how I felt or not. I just didn't bother to overthink. That feeling of letting things go even when you don't want to. Like something in me just got tired of trying to explain myself.
"Were you able to do the assignment? We're submitting it tomorrow," I saw Ella's text.
Oh no… I forgot the physics assignment, I said in shock, totally forgetting Cole's text on my phone. I didn't reply. It just left my mind for a second like it wasn't even important anymore.
"Can you come over?" I asked Ella. Because it seems this assignment needs two heads, I said with a bit of laughter.
She agreed.
And as I got up to set my books, I saw his text.
"I'm glad you're no longer overreacting, now we can move past that issue," he said with a laugh emoji.
I got pissed. I didn't reply. How could he say that?
I wanted to show him how upset I was with my reply, but then I thought what's the point… it'll be like talking to a box. He wouldn't budge.
So I left the text on read. But I made sure he could see it, so he would know I saw it… and still chose not to reply.
I just stared at the screen for a while after leaving it on read.Then I locked my phone and dropped it on the bed. I didn't want to think about it anymore.
But it still annoyed me. How could he say I was overreacting? Like I was the problem every time. He was too proud to ever fully own up to anything. He would say sorry sometimes, but it never felt real… like he only said it because it was expected, not because he meant it.
I exhaled and got up, trying to shake it off. I looked for my books, forcing myself to focus on the assignment instead.
Ugh… Ella where are you? I said in frustration.
Ella came not too long after
"Sorry I'm late, traffic was annoying," she said as she walked in and dropped her bag.
"It's fine," I replied quickly. "Let's just start this thing, we don't have time."
She paused for a second, looking at me.
"Okay… wow. You're serious today."
"What do you mean?"
She looked at me for a moment, then just shrugged.
"Nothing."
I already opened my book. "We have to be. We're submitting it tomorrow."
She shrugged again. "True."
We started working on the assignment. For once, I wasn't distracted. I just kept going, writing, calculating, not even checking my phone.
Ella kept glancing at me though.
After a while she finally said, "So… Cole?"
That made me pause for half a second.
"What about him?" I asked, still looking at my book.
"I don't know," she said. "You didn't mention him today. That's new."
I went back to writing. "There's nothing to mention."
Ella blinked. "Huh?"
I didn't look up. "We're fine."
Ella frowned a little but didn't push it. "Okay…" she said slowly, still watching me like she didn't fully believe it.
But I didn't care enough to explain. I just kept writing.
The next few days, I forgot about Cole. I didn't text him, and I knew he didn't text me either.
Sometimes I felt stupid thinking about it… like we had already crossed a line that should have meant something more than this.
But in a way, I also felt fulfilled. I had enjoyed it. It felt different from my first experience with relationships like that.
Still, life had to continue. A part of me already knew he was going to leave anyway. So it became easy for me to move on. Super easy.
Or at least, I told myself it was easy.
Because then I didn't expect to meet a new guy this soon… but I did.
He was one of Ella's friends. The quiet type.
I know what you're thinking. "oh she has a hard time with guys, very unlucky. But then I never said I was ugly 😜"