That evening I woke up with a heavy heart. I thought sleep would fix it, but it didn't. Instead, I woke up with a heavy head too. I had no appetite, just a strange emptiness sitting in my chest.
Ella didn't text.
We usually just chat, so I didn't expect a call anyway… but I still didn't know if that was better or worse than her shouting back. At least shouting meant something. Silence just felt unclear. I didn't even know how I was supposed to react to it.
So I decided to go out for a walk that night.
The night was busy though. It's campus, so students mostly go out at night. The rain had just stopped, so the air was cold and fresh at the same time. I had on a black hoodie and joggers, keeping my hands in my pockets as I walked slowly.
I saw girls walking with guys, some with other girls. I envied them.
They didn't know the value of what they had… how fast it could slip through their fingers.
I heaved a deep sigh.
Or maybe it was me. Maybe I didn't know the value of what I had when I had it.
My destination that night was school.
I walked into school, to the place Ella usually meets up with her friends. A small part of me was hoping not to see her there—not because I didn't want to see her, but because I was exhausted and didn't have the capacity to deal with anything else.
I met someone else there instead.
It was Jay.
"Hi."
I said it like I wanted to talk to someone. I felt alone.I had to admit it—I was a bit rude to him the first time we met.
He said hi too.
But it seemed like he had something going on as well.
The tension was high. In moments like this, I usually just start pressing my phone—doing nothing in particular, just distracting myself.
But I left my phone at home. I wanted a free night.
Nice going, I said to myself, tired.
I started knotting my fingers and then went up the stairs, leaving him there.
After some time, he came up and sat with me.
He looked at me for a moment, concern in his eyes.
"You don't look too good," he said.
I told him, "Girl drama."
Then he asked, "Is it Ella?"
I nodded.
He looked at me. "You okay?"
I looked at him too.
"No," I said.
My eyes were already filling with tears.
Naturally, I don't open up to just anyone. But there was something about him that made me talk. I didn't even understand it.
He moved a little closer, then let me rest my head on his shoulder.
And that was it.
The tears came, and I couldn't stop them.
Then I realized I was crying on a guy's shoulder… a guy I wasn't even familiar with.
Embarrassment hit me all at once, and I shifted slightly away from him.
It felt like he already knew what was going on in my head.
Then he explained why he was there when I first met him.
"I lost a -uh a friend of mine, a close friend in an accident" he said smiling trying to hide the pain.
But the way he said it… it didn't sound like he was saying it for the first time. It sounded like something he had learned how to say without breaking.
I didn't say anything for a while. The air between us felt different. I didn't expect that from him. I just sat there, trying to process it, then looked down and back at him.
"I'm sorry," I said softly, not even sure why. He didn't respond immediately. He just stayed calm… like he understood. And somehow, that made it worse and better at the same time.
For a moment, I had forgotten my own pain, and now it felt like he was feeling his all over again. So I decided to make him forget his by telling him mine.
"Ella and I had issues… and it's my fault we're no longer friends," I said, looking down and knotting my fingers.
He asked what happened.
"I let my anger get the best of me," I said. "It was like I'd been storing it inside me this whole time, thinking I'd healed. But it was just building up deep down. And when I finally had the chance, I threw it all at her without thinking… and now I feel bad."
He said, "If there's one thing I know about girls, it's that they don't stay angry forever. As long as one person apologizes… and the other is willing to forgive."
I laughed a little. "I don't know about Ella… if she'll be willing. We haven't had any issues like that again."
I sighed. "But if I see her again, I'll definitely apologize."
He said, "You two should really forgive each other… what you have is something"
He laughed a little. "It's funny how you instantly knew she told me to walk with you."
I chuckled softly. "Well, she's my friend. I know her."
He shook his head slightly. "I didn't come after you because she told me to. I did because I wanted to. She noticed that… that's why she pushed me to."
I laughed at his statement. Not because it was funny—well, partially—but because I was used to hearing things like that. And I wasn't ready to fall into the same pattern I had in the past.
He asked why I laughed, but I didn't answer.
I already knew how it would end if I kept talking to him. So I took it as my cue to leave
I gotta go," I said.
"Oh," he replied. There was a slight disappointment in his voice.
I stood up to leave, and then he said, "Can I get your number?"