Jessica's POV
I couldn't hold it anymore.
So I just… left.
I said goodbye and walked away before my tears could fully betray me in front of him. The moment I reached home, everything collapsed.
I cried for three days straight.
Not the kind of crying that comes and goes.
It was heavy. Continuous. Like I had finally hit the reality I had been avoiding for so long.
What had I done?
I gave everything—my time, my feelings, my trust—to someone who had already been honest with me from the beginning.
He never hid it.
He never promised me anything.
It was me who kept hoping.
Me who kept thinking maybe one day he would change his mind.
And when I finally couldn't pretend anymore, I decided to step back.
I told him clearly.
That I respected his decision. That we shouldn't cross the line anymore. That we should just stay friends.
He agreed.
But it wasn't that simple.
Because even after words like that… nothing really changed between us.
We still found ourselves slipping back into the same patterns. Like distance was something we understood in theory, but not in practice.
And somewhere along the way, I stopped fighting it the way I used to.
I told myself I didn't care anymore if he loved me or not.
That I would just love him anyway.
Give my hundred percent anyway.
Even when I knew how foolish it sounded in my own head.
And slowly… it turned into something I couldn't easily name anymore.
A situationship.
One that stretched longer than I ever expected—about a year and a half.
Life moved forward around us too.
He got into college. I went to a different one. We weren't in the same place every day anymore, but somehow he still stayed close through stories, updates, and shared people.
Adrian still talked about him to me sometimes. Small details about his classes, his life, things I didn't ask for but still listened to anyway.
And then there was Sindy.
A girl who liked him openly. Who tried again and again to get close to him.
And he rejected her every time.
Just like me.
That thought stayed with me longer than I wanted it to.
Because suddenly, I wasn't just remembering what we were…
I was realizing what I had always been to him.
Someone he never chose.
Just someone who stayed anyway.
After a few months, things were supposed to feel normal again.
But they didn't.
One day, Adrian showed me a photo.
Jonathan and Sindy—sitting together in a bus.
Just a simple photo… but it didn't feel simple to me.
Something inside me cracked instantly.
I couldn't even explain why it hurt so much. We were never officially anything. We had no label, no promise.
But my heart didn't understand logic.
It only understood attachment.
After that, I started noticing everything more carefully. Every gap in his replies. Every time he was online. Every moment I wasn't included in whatever part of his life he was living.
Then I heard more things.
That he talked to her every day.
That they called at night.
That she sang for him.
Each detail felt like another small piece breaking off inside me.
And I couldn't control it anymore.
I stopped talking to him.
But even that didn't feel like control—it just felt like silence on my side while his world kept moving.
He didn't react much.
And that hurt in a different way.
Like I wasn't even something he had to respond to anymore.
One day after coaching, I asked him to come to the park with me.
Just the friends, like always.
But this time, I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I wanted answers I wasn't even sure I had the right to ask.
And when we finally sat down and started talking, something in me broke.
My voice didn't stay steady.
My words didn't stay in place.
And then the tears came.
Uncontrolled. Fast. Endless.
I tried to stop them, I really did—but it was like everything I had been holding inside for months finally found a way out.
And all I could do in front of him was cry.
Because no matter how many times I told myself I didn't have the right to feel this way…
my heart still did.
I finally said it.
My voice shook as I asked him everything I had been holding inside.
"Is it true… that you two are spending time together? That you're always talking… that she even sings for you?"
There was a pause.
Just a short one—but it felt like it stretched forever.
Then he answered.
"No. It's not like you're thinking," he said calmly. "We're in the same college, that's all. After classes we go to the park with everyone. Our seats just happen to be together. That's it. There was no intention behind it."
His words were simple.
Too simple.
I stood there trying to process them, trying to calm the storm inside my chest. A part of me wanted to question more, to dig deeper, to find certainty.
But another part… the part that always won… just wanted to believe him.
So I did.
Even though my heart was already breaking in ways I couldn't explain.
I nodded slowly.
Like I understood.
Like I was okay.
But I wasn't.
Not even close.
And still… I stayed.
I gave him another chance.
Not because I was sure.
But because I wasn't ready to let go of the version of him I kept hoping was real.
Even though he kept assuring me that there was nothing between them anymore… my heart never fully believed it.
Something always felt off.
Day by day, my suspicion grew.
I knew more about that girl than I ever wanted to. I found myself checking things I shouldn't—watching when he was active, overthinking every small detail.
And slowly…
I started noticing things.
He was ignoring me.
Not directly. Not clearly.
But in a way that hurt even more.
At coaching, he would sometimes tease me… bringing her up, making small comparisons like it was all just a joke.
I laughed every time.
Like it didn't matter.
Like it didn't hurt.
But the truth was—I was a terrible actor.
And he always knew exactly what I was feeling.
Still… he didn't stop.
And I kept pretending.
Inside, I was breaking.
I started realizing something I didn't want to admit.
Every plan we ever made… was because of me.
Every time we went out, every time we talked outside, every time we spent time together—
I was the one who asked.
I was the one who tried.
I was the one who stayed.
I was always there for him.
Always available.
But when I needed him—
He was never there.
One day… I needed him more than ever.
My parents had just divorced.
Everything in my life felt like it was falling apart.
I wasn't asking for much.
Just a little time.
Just… him.
I asked him to drop me home.
He knew everything.
He knew how broken I felt.
And still—
He said he couldn't.
Just like that.
That moment stayed with me.
Because it made me realize something I had been avoiding for so long.
I had never really been loved.
Not the way I gave love.
I gave everything to people who mattered to me.
And somehow…
I always ended up being the one left behind.
I even gave him small things.
Little pieces of care.
Once, during PUBG, he mentioned his earphones weren't working. So I bought him a new one.
The look on his face that day—
That surprise—
It made me so happy.
Like it was enough.
I gave him a wallet too.
But he never used it.
Still… I kept trying.
Doing everything I could.
And yet—
I was the one being ignored.
The one not chosen.
I kept hoping.
Maybe one day he'll understand.
And maybe he did.
But I wasn't the one he wanted.
I was just… someone who was there.
Someone convenient.
Someone he could talk to when he needed.
And that realization—
It broke me.
For one and a half months…
I cried almost every day.
Quietly.
Alone.
Then one day, I decided—
Enough.
I couldn't do it anymore.
His jokes, his comparisons, the way he made me feel like I was second to someone who wasn't even there anymore—
It hurt too much.
All the rejections I tried to ignore started coming back, one by one.
So I stopped.
Stopped texting.
Stopped trying.
Stopped hoping.
And the most painful part?
He didn't even notice.
He didn't text me either.
Like I never existed in his life at all.