"Boom!"
The One-Punch Bear's massive right paw swept past Kōichi's scalp by a hair, and the gust it kicked up sliced across his cheeks like blades.
A century-old tree behind him snapped in two with a crack, splinters flying everywhere.
"Damn it! This thing's hide is way too thick!" Kōichi panted hard. He fired off several Lightning spells and Fireballs in quick succession, but while they left scorched marks on the giant bear's body, to a monster of that size they were barely more than an itch.
"Kōichi! Watch out!" Aqua screamed from farther back, waving her staff around like she was performing some weird ritual dance. "My buffs are about to wear off! Run! This bear is a monster! I can't beat it either!"
"No kidding! I know I can't beat it!"
Kōichi threw himself into a clumsy roll to avoid the bear's stomp.
Even with Aqua's speed buff, his magic power was almost gone.
At this rate, in less than two minutes, the two of them would become the bear's lunch, though the Goddess might be a little harder to digest.
"Roooaargh!" The One-Punch Bear seemed to have finally gotten sick of the two of them darting around like flies.
It rose up on its hind legs and brought its paws together, preparing to unleash its special move, Earthquake Wave.
This was bad.
As Kōichi stared at those giant paws about to come crashing down, only one thought remained in his mind.
So this was really it. He was going to reunite with Kazuma in the afterlife.
At that very last instant.
"I am Megumin!"
A clear voice overflowing with chuuni energy suddenly rang out from the treetops above.
"In the name of the Crimson Demon Clan's greatest mage, wielder of Explosion magic! Upon this battlefield drenched in despair, I shall bring down the final judgment!"
Kōichi looked up and saw a small figure in a massive wizard hat and red robe standing atop the highest branch, her staff pointed down at the One-Punch Bear below, her red cloak snapping wildly in the wind.
That eyepatch girl!
"Hey! Are you friendly?!" Aqua waved frantically as if she had just seen a savior. "Help us! A perverted bear is trying to eat a cute Goddess!"
Megumin paid no attention to Aqua's cries for help and simply began reciting her absurdly long and painfully embarrassing chant.
"Blacker than black, darker than darkness, let my true crimson-gold light be here entrusted! When the time of awakening comes, let the fallen logic of the absurd church and the invisible distortion be revealed! Dance! Dance! Dance! The desire born from the source of my magic! Collapse! O white world! Turn to dust beneath this single strike!"
As the chant continued, the surrounding magic power began rushing madly toward the staff in her hand.
The gloomy sky itself seemed to split apart, and a red glow flooded the entire forest until it looked like broad daylight.
The One-Punch Bear seemed to feel that destructive force too.
It stopped attacking, looked up at the girl in the sky, and for the first time, fear appeared in its eyes.
"Explosion!!!"
The girl's cry, hurled out with all her strength, split the heavens.
A gigantic pillar of red light descended from the sky and swallowed the One-Punch Bear whole.
"BOOOOOOM!!!"
The blast was so deafening it felt like it shook the soul itself.
The violent shockwave ripped trees out of the ground by their roots, and Kōichi had to claw desperately at the earth just to avoid being blown away.
When the smoke and dust finally cleared, the place where the One-Punch Bear had stood was now a gigantic crater dozens of meters across.
As for that once-overbearing monster, not even ash remained.
"T-this is... magic?"
Kōichi stared at the still-smoking crater and could not help swallowing hard.
The power was basically a strategic-class superweapon, and even more terrifying was the fact that it had come from a little girl who did not even reach his shoulder.
"Huff... huff..."
Megumin lay sprawled at the edge of the crater, her whole body like a puddle of mud, without enough strength left to move even one finger.
"This was... today's... Explosion magic... perfect score..."
With that, she passed out completely.
"S-so amazing!" Aqua peeked out from behind the rock she had been hiding behind, staring at the girl collapsed on the ground with open admiration. "She took out a bear that huge in one shot!!"
Kōichi walked over to Megumin and poked her in the cheek.
Still warm.
Looks like they really had picked up a treasure this time.
But the most urgent problem right now was...
Kōichi turned around and looked down into the bottom of the giant crater.
Aside from blackened earth, there did not seem to be any treasure chest or entrance anywhere.
"Wait, where's the treasure?"
A bad feeling rose in Kōichi's chest.
Had that Explosion spell just blown the treasure away along with everything else?
As the smoke cleared, the air filled with the acrid stench of scorched earth and magical residue.
Kōichi stood at the edge of the massive crater, scanning it again and again, unwilling to give up.
Reality, however, was cruel.
Forget the metal box. Even the rocks that had been there were gone, melted by the heat into glassy crystals.
That single Explosion had not only sent the One-Punch Bear straight to the afterlife, it had also physically exorcised the inheritance they had all been dreaming about.
"Ha... haha..." Kōichi stared at the empty crater floor. His mouth twitched a few times, then settled into a bitter smile. "So the treasure map I bought for 300 Eris was a total loss, and the succubus shop fund is gone too... but at least it's better than losing our lives, right?"
"Ah! My treasure! My premium bubbly!" Aqua finally caught up with what had happened. She rushed to the edge of the crater, clutched her head, and let out a scream that sounded like her soul was leaving her body. "That stupid Crimson Demon! Why did she have to use a spell that powerful?! Couldn't she have held back a little?! That was my money!!"
"Enough wailing."
Kōichi let out a sigh and turned toward the other side of the battlefield.
There was a smaller crater there, smaller compared to the one left by Explosion, and at the bottom lay a miserable corpse.
It was Kazuma Satou, who had heroically sacrificed himself for his companions, or rather, been instantly killed.
"We've got something more important to deal with than money." Kōichi walked over to Kazuma's body.
Even after taking a hit from the One-Punch Bear, the body was mostly intact. He had not turned into a splattered mess, which was at least some small mercy.
"Aqua, get over here and do your job." Kōichi pointed at Kazuma on the ground. "The treasure is gone, but if this guy stays dead, we won't even have anyone left to use as bait. You can resurrect people, right?"
"Waaah... my money..." Sniffling, Aqua shuffled over and crouched beside Kazuma. As she wiped her tears, she kept complaining. "Kazuma, you idiot. You died way too fast. You didn't even manage to be a proper meat shield... If you'd lasted a little longer, I might have been able to carry off the treasure chest..."
She kept grumbling, but still reached out and gently placed her hand over Kazuma's chest.
A sacred, warm light began to glow from her palm, a level of holy magic completely at odds with her usual useless image.
"Resurrection!"
As the Goddess whispered the spell, Kazuma's terrible wounds began visibly healing, and the color gradually returned to his once-pale face.
A few seconds later.
Kazuma's eyes were still closed, but he wore the happiest, most adoring smile anyone had ever seen on him. His hands clawed weakly at the air, as though trying to grab the hem of some Goddess's skirt.
"Ah! What a gentle voice! What a healing smile! Totally different from some Goddess who only spits rainbows! And also... even if they're not huge, they've still got plenty there!"
Kōichi looked at Kazuma, who was getting excited over empty air, then glanced at Aqua, whose face was rapidly growing darker.
"Uh... Kazuma?" Kōichi called tentatively.
"Don't interrupt me! I'm on the stairway to heaven right now!" Kazuma shouted with his eyes still shut. "Eris-sama, please take me with you! I never want to go back to that world full of frogs, giant bears, and debt! I'm sick of being bait for Kōichi and cleaning up Aqua's messes!"
Smack!
A sharp slap rang through the forest.
Aqua pulled her hand back expressionlessly and looked down at the stunned Kazuma.
"Ow, ow, ow..."
Kazuma held his cheek and opened his eyes. Instead of a gentle, adorable silver-haired Goddess, what he saw was Aqua's enlarged face, twisted with rage.
"AAAAAHHHHH!!" Kazuma let out a scream even more tragic than when the bear had killed him. Scrambling backward on all fours, he pointed at Aqua with a trembling finger. "W-why are you here?! Where's Eris-sama?! Where's that room full of flowers and sunlight?! Where's the angel who gently asked whether I wanted to be reincarnated?!"
"What kind of idiotic daydream are you having, shut-in?!" Aqua roared with her hands on her hips. "It was me! Your noble Goddess Aqua who dragged you back from the afterlife! You should be kneeling there in tears of gratitude! And you dare praise Eris right in front of me?!"
"Dragged me back?" Kazuma froze for a second, then seemed to realize what that meant, and his face instantly turned deathly pale. "You mean... I was resurrected? I came back to this other world? I lost my chance to go be a rich family's pet dog?!"
"What is with that disappointed face?!" Kōichi could not help but cut in from the side. "Also, did you just casually say you were sick of being bait for Kōichi?"
"That's not important!" Kazuma suddenly jumped to his feet, grabbing at his own hair as he screamed in despair. "Eris-sama! She really is a true Goddess! When she heard how I died, she didn't laugh at me. She comforted me gently! She even said she could give me special treatment and reincarnate me into a world without a Demon King! It's all your fault, Aqua! You meddling idiot! Give me back my heaven!"
"Hah?! Who are you calling a meddling idiot?!" Aqua exploded too, grabbing Kazuma by the collar. "I used precious magic to save you! And what's so great about that Eris anyway?! That woman... that woman is padded! She stuffs pads in her chest! You idiot, you've been fooled by fake goods!"
"Shut up! I won't let you slander Eris-sama! Even if they are padded, I still love them! Those are dream-filled pads!"
Watching the two of them grapple with each other, Kōichi shook his head helplessly.
So this was supposed to be a touching reunion? It was a complete farce.
"Hey, break it up." Kōichi pointed toward the huge crater nearby, cutting them off. "Kazuma, since you didn't get to go to heaven, face reality. The treasure may be gone, but at least we're still alive, and..."
"Wait!" Kazuma suddenly stopped moving. He turned stiffly toward Kōichi. "What did you just say? The treasure... what happened to it?"
"It got blown away." Kōichi pointed once more at the bare crater floor. "Not even a speck left."
"..."
Kazuma's gaze moved back and forth between the giant crater, the unconscious Megumin, and Kōichi and Aqua.
Then his knees gave out, and he sank to the ground, all light gone from his eyes.
"Eris-sama... gone... treasure... gone... succubus shop... gone..."
He muttered like a broken recorder.
"I told you, at least we still have our lives." Aqua patted Kazuma on the shoulder, trying to comfort him, or maybe just stab him a little deeper. "And even if the money's gone, we still have debt! As long as we work hard, we'll pay it off someday! Probably in a few decades!"
"Just blow me up too..." Kazuma collapsed onto the ground in a starfish shape, his face devoid of all hope. "Let me die. This time I'm grabbing Eris-sama's skirt and never letting go..."
"Keep dreaming. Get up."
Kōichi walked over, hoisted Megumin onto his shoulder like a sack of rice, then gave Kazuma a kick in the backside.
"We didn't get the treasure, but the bear's materials should still sell for something. And besides, I just found us an overpowered new teammate."
"Demons... you're all demons..."
Tears streaming down his face, Kazuma dragged himself back to his feet and stumbled after them.
The setting sun stretched the shadows of all four of them long across the ground.
A Wizard carrying a little girl on his shoulder, a Goddess still ranting about Eris, and a walking corpse who had just lost both his true love, Eris, and his fortune.
This was probably what people meant by a wonderful life in another world.
...
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