"Wait… so you're telling me he actually said he was coming this week?" Ella turned to look at me properly this time, her eyes narrowing like she was trying to read something off my face.
I didn't answer immediately. I was already staring at my phone again. I didn't even know what I was expecting to see at that point. No new messages. No missed calls. Just the same blank screen I had been checking since morning.
"Anna," Ella called, snapping her fingers lightly in front of me. "Who are you waiting for?"
"No one," I said quickly, locking my phone and dropping it on the desk like it suddenly annoyed me.
She raised an eyebrow. "Yeah right."
"Yes na," I muttered. "He said next week."
She didn't reply immediately. She just kept looking at me like she had already figured something out I was still trying to ignore. "Anna… today is Wednesday."
"I know."
"And since he told you that, how many times has he texted you?"
I paused. It wasn't even long, but it was enough.
Ella leaned back and sighed. "Hmm."
"Why are you doing like that?" I asked, frowning.
"Doing like what?"
"That 'hmm' thing. I don't like it."
"You don't like it because you know what I'm thinking."
I rolled my eyes. "Please don't start."
"I'm not starting anything. I'm just saying… this thing is already sounding somehow."
"It's not," I said immediately, too fast.
She noticed. Of course she did. "Okay… if you say so."
That tone again. I hated that tone.
"Why are you comparing him to Stephen?" I snapped.
"I didn't even mention his name," she replied calmly.
"You didn't have to."
She went quiet for a few seconds, then sighed. "I'm not saying they're the same. I just… I don't want what happened last time to happen again."
That one hit quietly.
I looked away and picked up my phone again without thinking, even though I already knew there was nothing there. She noticed, and this time her expression softened.
"I'm fine," I said quickly.
"I didn't say you weren't," she replied gently.
"I said I'm fine," I repeated, standing up.
"Anna—"
"Cole is not Stephen," I cut in, my voice firm.
Too firm.
She didn't argue. She just nodded slowly, like she didn't want to push me anymore. And for some reason, that made me even more annoyed.
"I'm going home," I muttered, picking up my bag.
"Alright," she said quietly.
I didn't even look at her as I walked out.
The walk home felt longer than usual. Or maybe it was just my thoughts. Because no matter how many times I said it—Cole is not Stephen—it kept echoing in my head like I was trying to convince myself, not her. And the more I thought about it, the more uncomfortable it started to feel.
What if this is how it starts again?
I shook my head immediately. No. It's not the same. It can't be.
But even as I walked, I still brought out my phone again. Checking. Waiting. Hoping.
And hating the fact that I was starting to understand exactly what Ella meant.
As soon as I got home, I felt numb and then I decided not to think about him again, because it was obvious he knew right from the start that he's leaving.
It was my fault, I actually thought he'd stay. I chuckled in pain, God, I actually thought he'd stay with an imperfect me, a broken me. I can't even stay with myself. I laughed again.
But then who's fault was it, if he comes back whenever he chooses to because he's obviously ghosting again. I got a notification on my phone I rushed to check it and it was just a network message.
In frustration and sadness, I fell back on my bed facing the ceiling. "Be careful" those words kept ringing in my head. But it's not that easy, not having the actual choice to leave, to walk away from someone who doesn't like you.
But then nobody would get it, would they ?
Weeks passed. I had already given up hope because it slowly started to feel like I was never going to see him again. Not even a text or call. Nothing from him.
At some point I just stopped waiting properly. I told myself I was done, even though I still checked my phone sometimes without thinking.
One morning I woke up early, showered quickly, just trying to act like everything was normal. Like nothing was missing.
As soon as I finished and was about to leave my room, I heard a knock on the door.
I froze for a second, but I still moved.
I opened the door.
And everything in me just stopped.
Before I even fully looked up, I already smelled it. That familiar scent I didn't even realise I still remembered. The kind I told myself I didn't want to notice again.
My hand stayed on the door handle.
I couldn't breathe properly for a second.
And then I heard him.
"Anna"
And it was cole