They walked through the busy street in silence, neither of them saying a word. Jean's thoughts were scattered, jumping from one doubt to another without settling on anything.
The city was still alive even at midnight, something he wasn't used to seeing.
He had never been out that late before. Everything felt unfamiliar, almost unreal.
Without warning, Shawn turned and walked into a shop.
Jean hesitated for a second outside, unsure if he should follow. He didn't have anything to buy, and the idea of just trailing after Shawn already felt clingy, but standing out there alone felt worse.
So he went in.
It didn't take long for him to realize this wasn't a regular.
Shelves were lined with CDs, bottles of lube, and other items he didn't fully recognize but could easily guess the purpose of.
Heat crept up his neck as he looked around, suddenly very aware of where he was. Maybe it was because the shop was close to the club. That had to be why they sold things like this.
Shawn moved through the aisles like he knew exactly what he was looking for, scanning items without hesitation, though it was clear he wasn't finding what he wanted right away.
He didn't ask for help either, just kept searching on his own.
Eventually, he picked up a few CDs, then paused in front of a shelf of bottles, studying them carefully before selecting one. As he turned, his eyes landed on Jean, his brows drawing together slightly.
"Are you a virgin?" he asked suddenly, his tone direct and unfiltered.
The question caught Jean completely off guard.
"What?" he asked, even though he had heard him perfectly.
"You heard me."
"No. Why?" Jean replied quickly.
"Because you look terrified," Shawn said bluntly. "And if you are, then don't follow me any further. I don't have the patience for a virgin."
The words hit harder than Jean expected.
He wasn't a virgin… was he?
He had been with girls before. That counted, right?
It had to.
"I'm asking you one last time," Shawn said, his gaze steady. "Are you a virgin?"
"And I'm telling you one last time, no, I'm not," Jean answered, forcing confidence into his voice.
It sounded convincing- At least to Shawn, not to him. Because the truth lingered quietly in the back of his mind. He wasn't a virgin with girls, but he was with a guy. The words almost slipped out, right there on the edge, but he held them back.
If he said it, this would end.
And he couldn't let that happen.
He had already come too far to turn back now.
Shawn didn't look fully convinced, but he didn't press further either.
They passed a shelf with small boxes labeled enema bulbs. Shawn paused briefly, glancing at them before looking back at Jean.
"Are you prepared?" he asked, his voice lower this time.
Prepared?
Jean froze for a second. Did he mean mentally? Physically? He didn't dare ask. That would only expose how clueless he was.
His mind raced, trying to connect the question to what Shawn had just been looking at.
There had to be a reason.
"No," he admitted quietly, embarrassment hitting him all over again.
A part of him questioned everything again.
Do I really want to do this?
He had lost count of how many times he had asked himself that.
Shawn didn't react much. He simply picked up one of the boxes and headed to the counter.
Jean followed, trying to ignore the heat rising in his face as the cashier glanced at them. Shawn, on the other hand, looked completely unbothered as he paid.
Jean was grateful it was late and the lighting wasn't too bright. Atleast it hid his face.
Once they stepped back outside, the cool air hit him, but it did nothing to calm his nerves. They walked toward a cab.
How far are they going? he wondered. He had assumed it would be somewhere nearby.
Still, he didn't stop or ask.
When Shawn got in, he followed right after him.
The drive wasn't long, barely twenty minutes, but the silence inside the cab stretched it out, making it feel heavier than it should have been.
Jean hadn't thought he would be able to stay quiet that long, but somehow he did, sitting there with his thoughts running in every direction.
Not a single word passed between them.
When the cab finally stopped and they stepped out, his pulse jumped.
Shawn paid the driver without a word, and they started walking toward the apartments ahead. This side of the city was noticeably quieter.
A few windows were still lit, but most of the building was dark.
It's not too late to turn back, Jean told himself. He could still leave. He could get back into that taxi and pretend none of this had ever happened.
But instead, he kept walking.
"By the way, what's your name…" he started, trying to ease the nervous tension pressing down on him, but Shawn cut him off before he could finish.
"No need. We're only here for a few hours. We won't see each other again."
Hours?
Jean's mind stalled at that.
How many hours was he talking about?
The thought made his stomach churn.
They started climbing the stairs, step after step, until Jean lost count of how many floors they had passed. Maybe the third, maybe higher. He had no idea anymore.
He had never climbed this many stairs in his life. Why didn't this place have an elevator?
Tonight, he was doing far too many things he had never done before. Going to a gay club. Walking through the city at midnight. Taking public transport.
And most of all… Being with a man.
It felt strangely freeing, so different from the life he was used to, always surrounded, always watched by bodyguards. There was something thrilling about it. But that didn't stop the fear.
They finally stopped in front of a door. Shawn unlocked it, stepped inside, and left it open behind him.
Jean hesitated for only a second before following him in.
This was it, he told himself queitly.
He hadn't come this far just to stop now.
There was no point in holding back anymore.