"Jean?" His mother muttered, they both stood up abruptly.
Jean stayed by the door, staring at them, unsure how to react. For some reason, what they had been talking about felt… big. But he couldn't make sense of it.
"What are you guys talking about?" he asked, the words slipping out before he could stop them.
"A movie…" his father said quickly.
"Yeah, we've been home for a few hours, and we decided to watch a movie," his mother added.
"A fantasy movie," his father continued. "So we were just repeating some scenes, putting our names in place of the characters."
They both laughed awkwardly. Jean knew they expected him to laugh too.
But he didn't.
And honestly, it sounded convincing enough. A fantasy movie. Them just replacing characters' names with theirs.
Because… what the hell would beasts be doing in real life?
He believed them, but something about the way they were acting still bothered him, but he decided to ignore it.
"Okay, that aside, remind me why you're in my room again... Especially when I'm not around," he said as he walked further inside, completely forgetting what he had been panicking about earlier when he first realized they were in his room- until his father brought it up again.
"We missed you," his mother said. "And we thought waiting for you in your room would feel better. And it did." she paused and his father cut in, "And I wasn't being nosy, but… all these magazines with..."
"Men's fashion," Jean cut in quickly.
He almost slapped himself. Interrupting like that only made it more suspicious. But now that he had started, he had to continue.
"Briefs and stuff… I was just looking for my style. Like, the kind of things I'd like to wear," he added, digging himself deeper.
They stared at him for a second, then his father chuckled.
"We get it. You don't have to overexplain just because you think we'd doubt your… preferences," he said. "Of course we know you're as straight as a pole. There's June, right?" He waved it off casually. "Besides, if you were into something else, I'd know. At work, I've been suspecting two soldiers for a while, and just yesterday it came out. I expelled them immediately."
He shook his head slightly.
"That kind of thing only means they couldn't control themselves all those years in the military so they started getting involved with each other. Honestly, I don't see any good reason why a man would want to be with another man."
Jean's breath caught, and he went completely still.
"I think you did the right thing." His mother supported, "First of all, there's no law that supports such things in this country. And even if there was… what the hell is wrong with human beings lately? Ugh... Forget about that nonsense," she added turning to jean,
Jean's heart was pounding hard in his chest.
"So, honey, how are things with June? Actually...wait, I want to hear everything. You'll tell me all about it over dinner at Starlight Hotel."
"Hotel?" Jean asked, caught off guard.
"Yeah. We thought it would be better if we had dinner out today, so get ready, buddy," his father said as tapping his shoulder before they both walked out, leaving him standing there, frozen.
"I would never come out to them," Jean murmured to himself, his heart racing even faster at the thought.
For a second, he even considered going back to hiding it again, even from himself. But that didn't feel right anymore.
He didn't realize he was panicking until he reached for the bathroom door and his hand started shaking.
He had never cared much about most things in life, but one thing he couldn't handle was losing his parents.
That scared him more than anything ever had.
Disappointing them was just as bad.
And now, he was sure his sexuality might actually humiliate them. It might make them hate him. Regret having a son like him. They didn't deserve that.
They had been nothing but good to him. He had no one else but them. And even if there were other people, he would still choose his parents every time. He would give them the same love they had always given him.
He had never cared much about school because they didn't seem to care about it either. It always felt like they let him attend whatever school he wanted just so he wouldn't be bored, or maybe just to pass time as he grew up. But they never seemed invested in his education.
And he knew, even without it, he wouldn't end up without a future.
If he wanted a job, they would make it happen.
But that wasn't why he didn't want to lose them or disappoint them.
It was simply because he loved them.
He forced himself to steady his breathing as he took a warm shower. For the first time since meeting Shawn, his mind was quiet about him.
Even the thought of going to Shawn's place faded from his mind.
-
After showering and getting dressed, he went to meet his parents at the car.
The drive was filled with conversation, but Jean's mind kept drifting away.
Not knowing whether his parents would accept his sexuality or not might have been easier, but hearing how strongly they seemed to hate even the idea of homosexuality unsettled him more than he expected.
It scared him.
And if they ever found out he was involved with his teacher, they would drag Shawn through hell. They might even assume he had been forced into it.
Shawn could end up in jail for something like that, even though Jean was eighteen.
Maybe Shawn was right to push him away.
Because Jean couldn't even imagine ruining his life.
So maybe he should really stay away from him.
If it was a must for him to be with a man, then maybe he should find someone less risky. Maybe even his fellow students.
But why did the thought of letting Shawn go always leave him with that same unsettling feeling?
Surely, he couldn't be developing feelings for him in just a week, could he?
Either way, he really had to stay away from him.
"Jean? Hey."
He snapped out of his daze and realized everyone in the car was staring at him with confused expressions, even the chauffeur.
"Are you okay?" his mother asked.
"Yeah, totally," he said quickly, forcing a bit of energy into his voice so they wouldn't suspect anything. "We're here."
The car had already stopped, and the door was opened. He stepped out.
As they walked toward the entrance, neatly dressed waitresses guided them to a table.
Just as he was about to sit, his eyes caught Shawn at the far end of the restaurant.
Jean froze.
His heart began racing for reasons he couldn't understand.
Shawn's face carried a kind of anger Jean had never seen before as he started back at him. For a moment, Jean could have sworn he saw something like fire in his eyes before Shawn suddenly stood up and hurried toward a hallway.
He really hates me now, doesn't he? Jean thought bitterly.
Was it because he had lied? Because he was still a student? Was it really that bad?
The thought hurt more than it should have.
He wanted to follow Shawn, but stopped himself, telling himself that Shawn clearly didn't want anything to do with him.
This wasn't just denial anymore. The anger on Shawn's face when he saw him said it all, he wasn't pretending not to like him.
So he forced himself to sit.
But after a second, he couldn't stay still. He stood up faster than he meant to, earning a confused look from his parents.
"I'll use the bathroom," he said.
Without waiting for a response, he headed toward the same hallway Shawn had disappeared into.