'If shame was a person, that would be me.'
That was the first thing on Jean's mind when he woke up the next morning.
He had really gone too far this time. How dumb could he be? After Shawn had made it so clear that he wanted nothing to do with him, he had still gone ahead and suggested they could be together- only to get rejected again?
Shawn probably saw him as nothing more than a pathetic, clingy kid now.
And Jean hated it.
He took a slow, lazy shower, wondering what he was even going to school for. Just to see Shawn The thought alone made him want to skip.
But then another thought followed immediately. What if Shawn assumed he had hurt him so badly that Jean couldn't even show up to school That his rejection had affected Jean that much?
That would just make him seem more pathetic, and there was no way he was going to give Shawn that kind of satisfaction.
So no matter how much he wanted to lock himself in his room and avoid everyone, he was going to school.
By the time he came downstairs for breakfast, his parents had already left for work.
The night before, they had kept asking if he was okay, and he had insisted he was. He had thought he could pretend in front of them, but it was impossible.
After breakfast, he got into the car and was driven to school.
The moment he stepped into the main building, he was immediately stopped by four people.
"Dude, are you avoiding us?" Asher asked as they blocked his path.
"What? No. Why would I be?" Jean replied.
"You look like shit," Oliver said, narrowing his eyes at him. "Did you even sleep last night? Come on, spill it. Where were you? Or who were you with? You were at the place you disappeared to on your birthday, weren't you?"
Jean froze.
So they had been talking about that?
Of course they had.
He had vanished that night without a word. They must have looked for him.
June shot him a sharp look before turning and storming away, her friend quickly following behind her.
Jean watched her go, wanting to call out to her, but he didn't have the energy for an argument.
"Why does she always act like we're dating? We're not," he muttered, irritation slipping into his voice.
"You know she likes you, but you keep giving her the cold shoulder," Asher said as they started walking toward the lockers. "How are you seeing someone else when you literally have her?"
"Yeah," Oliver added. "I mean, what more do you want from a girl? She's got everything. She's literally every guy's dream..." He cut himself off mid-sentence, his attention suddenly shifting to a girl.
"Hi, Felicia," he said smoothly as he walked off toward a girl nearby.
Jean and Asher exchanged a look, both of them chuckling as Oliver disappeared.
"Okay, now seriously," Asher said once they reached the lockers. "What the hell is going on with you?"
"Nothing. Really," Jean answered. At that moment, Liam walked past them quickly, like he didn't want to be seen.
"Hey, Liam!" Jean called, but Liam didn't stop. If anything, he walked faster.
"Isn't his name Ian or something?" Asher said, glancing at Jean. "Which reminds me... why are you suddenly hanging out with him?"
"Why can't I?" Jean shot back. "Out of everyone, I don't expect you to start that 'he doesn't fit in our cycle' nonsense. You don't usually care about stuff like that."
"I just don't see why you'd go out of your way to walk around with someone like him," Asher insisted.
Jean noticed that something in Asher's tone felt… off. Different from how he usually spoke.
They started walking toward class as the bell rang, and Jean kept pushing the topic to Asher's girlfriend, who Asher clearly had no interest in discussing.
"I just don't see why you'd go out of your way to walk around with someone like him," Asher insisted.
Jean noticed something off in Asher's tone, different from how he usually spoke.
The bell rang, and they started walking toward class while Jean decided to steer the conversation toward Asher's girlfriend, even though it was obvious Asher had no real interest in talking about her.
When they got to class, instead of sitting next to Asher, Jean slipped into the seat beside his new friend who was very obviously trying to ignore him.
He reached over, picked up his book, and checked the name written on it.
Ian.
Not Liam.
"Are you avoiding me, you little weirdo?" Jean murmured playfully to Ian. "We'll be sitting together in all our classes, remember?"
"Yes," Ian replied quietly.
"Then why are you running away from me? Do I scare you?" Jean asked, pulling Ian's chair closer to his.
The movement drew attention, and the whole class turned to look at them, confusion and surprise clear on their faces.
Maybe it was because no one had ever really noticed Ian before, and seeing someone like Jean casually talk to him felt almost unreal. Ian had always been that quiet, strange presence in the background.
"You don't," Ian said without meeting his eyes.
"Look at me when you say it," Jean murmured.
Ian hesitated before finally lifting his gaze to meet Jean's.
"That's better," Jean said, satisfied. He was about to continue the conversation when a teacher walked into the classroom, cutting the moment short.
Jean leaned back in his seat, ready to drift off into his own world while the lesson went on, but then he remembered his grades and how Shawn might see them.
The thought irritated him enough to make him slap himself lightly.
Why the hell was he still thinking about Shawn?
"Has it already started?" Ian asked hesitantly, watching him with confusion.
"What has?" Jean turned to him.
"The fantasies," Ian answered immediately, his voice low.
Jean almost laughed.
"No. But it's good that you're paying attention," he said, amused. "If you see me zoning out, just pinch me or something."
Ian nodded slightly.
Jean pulled out his phone, intending to scroll like usual, but his mind refused to settle. The same thought kept pushing back in. What would Shawn think if he saw his grades?
Jean huffed, shoved his phone away, and opened his book instead, forcing himself to actually listen to the biology lesson that was going on.
He couldn't believe that for the first time he was actually paying attention in class, and all because he cared about how someone who had rejected him might see him.
Maybe he should stop lying to himself. Maybe he actually liked Shawn.
Maybe everything physical that had happened between them had pushed him into developing real feelings, and pretending otherwise wasn't helping.
But what was the point?
Shawn had made it clear he didn't want him anywhere close to him, and it was obvious he really meant it.
As much as it stung, there was nothing Jean could do about it. For the very first time, he had actually developed real feelings for someone, and he had ended up getting rejected.
How unbelievable.