Bernd Leno
He was crying all the way down. I don't know what to say. I didn't mind what he said to me. But yeah, I felt hurt. Maybe he shouldn't use those words in that way.
But I understand how often he pissed himself off thinking the worst. I can let it go after just a sorry. So far, I know him, and he will never do it again. But he continued crying. All his heart and soul. Deep somewhere, he was saving the huge guilt. I am not perfect for those situations. Someone is crying, who knows for what reasons, and I am here with him to tell him to stop crying. I can not handle those so easily. But he kept crying.
"Modric, it's okay. You were out of your mind, nothing else. And I indeed feel a little hurt by the way you mentioned my behaviours. Especially, care. But you are sorry about it and it will be okay. I know you will never do it again. Calm down. Why are you crying?"
He wasn't listening to me. I was looking for some ways to be his company. But it was not even a perfect time to think about those. I was looking at him. I was feeling bad, too. He looks so broken when he cries. Perhaps it is true that I haven't witnessed his normal behaviours, but I have seen a lot more painfully that he is getting hurt. The cursing past is still finding its way to stay inside of him.
Neither has he said it to me, nor did he want to.
He just keeps crying.
He doesn't deserve those. We all make mistakes. We all pay off our debts. But what other things have happened to him? Why is he so broken?
"Modric?" I couldn't believe my eyes how he was crying, breathing. It was a panic for me to watch him take everything. He was absent from the world in the meantime. I held his chin up. He was still looking down. His cheeks were covered with tears. I wiped it off with my hands. I hold his jaw, said the way I could, "It's okay. Now, stop crying. Tell something, don't be lost. Please, you didn't kill someone else. You are behaving like that, Modric. Are you listening?"
He didn't react. I was not feeling that way some seconds ago, I wiped the tears off. It remains as before.
I again wiped it for him. No words were working. If I had known the reason for his emotional outcome, it would have helped me to understand him or make him feel comfortable. We are here to know each other in a better way away from everyone. But it isn't helping unless he talks.
I was observing him for some seconds. He wasn't changing at all. It has become constant for me. I hold his shoulders and pull him into my chest. Hugged him to give him some comfort even after knowing he wouldn't allow me. But I tried ways that didn't work. I had no option. I faced it more often now.
He sighed. He closed his eyes. I was stroking his hair and settling those on his shoulder. "It's okay. I didn't mind. I told you to tell me everything. At least, I can understand you. Maybe as a friend, I can give you company. But I don't know about you, right? So, just share those things without feeling low. I promise I will never change my feedback. It's all just past what never let us enjoy the present. All you have to do is forget it. You have to forgive YOURSELF first. I know how low you think of yourself. You are just not what you think yourself. Sometimes, you should see yourself through someone else's eyes to witness the difference."
I thought some of my words were handy to stop his crying. I don't know, but I feel like he looked at me strangely. Did I say anything wrong? I didn't get it. His reaction lasted for a few seconds but was clear to me. It was sharp and strange.
He sighed, but his breath became normal. As it was good for me. "Okay? Will you?" I asked for a response. He opens his eyes as some of his tears fall. He again closed his eyes and held me back. He tightened the hug as I hugged him, too. Held him tightly. "It's okay. Just don't cry. Whenever you need me, I am here. Alright?" I again told him.
He was holding me, closing his eyes. At last, he stopped crying. I wanted to wipe the tears. Otherwise, he will get cold. But he didn't release himself from me.