A few moments of silence were there between everything. I was only hearing his painful breathing.
"Are you alright?" I asked to make sure he was. He got a little push after hearing my voice. I don't know what he was thinking. He released himself from me. Wiped his tears.
"I am. I am sorry-" "No, it's okay.
But I will forgive you on one condition. Tell me the reason. Please." I got the chance and asked him. I wanted to know his reason. He looks so broken whenever he cries. Sometimes, I feel emotional for him.
He didn't react after hearing my condition. He was making him all okay for telling me those things. He settled his hair, wiped his whole face with a tissue paper. I again gave him a glass of water. Wishing not to face it again.
We both lay down, facing each other according to his preference. He was looking down. Maybe thinking about how to start. I did guess, there were a lot of things.
"I-" He stopped at first, looking for words. "Actually, I can tell you some points that hurt me the most. I liked someone and so many matters I faced after it. As a result, I could not have him, nor did he like me back. Since then everything had started turning on me with all of its worst. I can not describe it. It is too normal to love someone and not get him at the end as he loved another. So, you can survive. But trust me the things that came after his movements, still have not moved from my head, from my heart.
Sometimes, I forgot I loved someone and kept finding the reason, as you mentioned Leno, whether I killed someone. It was all at its worst point. Killed me, too." He looked at me. I could see his eyes turned red, the dander was floating over. Tears were reflecting it out. "It killed me. Burned me. Demolished me. I was never in a position to take the real thing as real and fake as fake, since then." "Modri-" "Listen, just to listen to me." He cuts me off this time. I was feeling like I was seeing just another version, another hidden type of him. I made my mind to think it was the real, it was the real him.
"I-I kept fighting, kept praying for the war to end. But still it has not." He was talking, looking in another direction, taking deep breaths between each line. Tears were again falling, but he was not crying this time.
"Maybe that's how, my trust issues build. I saw myself giving everything while having nothing. Not even a thanks. Maybe I never wished to have any. But it doesn't mean you will keep having those. One bullet is enough to kill someone. Why did they keep shooting me, Leno? Do you have any idea?" I was shocked, totally out of the world, I couldn't believe my eyes, actually, who's this? Who is talking with me? Modric? It was not him.
I can tell by the words how helpless he looked while saying the last two lines. I was watching his mental depression, floating before my eyes. I could not see him, this time.
"Modric, what-" "No, you don't know the answer. Don't ask me anything. I am telling you, listen just." He still did not let me. "I forgot everything. I did everything as you told. It is just past, right? IT IS JUST PAST. The past hasn't passed. I forgot everything. I never reacted to anything that crashed me down. Never. After forgetting I moved myself from the desired place. But my place hasn't been moved. It turned itself. It turned into worse. Where everything comes as worst. Whether it is good itself or not. You want an example? Hm. You want, right? Look at me now. I am turning your honeymoon worst. I made the day worse. I made the memory worse." "Mod-" "Shhhh! LISTEN TO ME. I haven't finished yet. Just shhhh. So, it went. I took it. I want to make myself adjustable, huh with all the moments, I was having. But I couldn't. I forgot how I used to be. I-I couldn't, Leno. I couldn't tackle. I don't know who I am. Who I become. I don't know myself. I-I became unknown to me. Unknown to me."