I did not recognize his steps, at first, so why was he staring at me to increase my anxiety?
He is climbing on the bed, OVER ME. I had no idea what he actually wanted. "Wh-what's wrong?!" I asked in an agitated voice, watching his slow movements, closing the distance between us while going up to me. "Nothing's wrong." He answered with a kinky voice, making me take everything fuzzy, in the meantime. Nothing wrong? Every movement was wrong, I repeated in my mind. Abruptly, I heard a crash of thunder, it was so loud. Made me jolted and I winked a bit at the windows. Assuming, why did he not cover the whole window with the curtains?
He holds my chin and pulls it towards him. I can not look at him, I was feeling much discomfort, lying in that position, underneath him. Too much awkward for me, it was. Thunderstorms continued making me jolt. Lighting the whole room from the slit, letting us know, little gaps can make big impacts, too. I did not move my face again to look at the window. I can see the light's refraction on the side of his face, giving a perfect shape, with blazing the jaw line, making a cachet. He was staring at me, I had never seen him before from that close. He leans a bit down and gradually says, "Can we make love tonight? As we haven't done it." Thunder rocks in my mind, outside my mind. What? Never. The trembling of my whole body did not allow me to inhale properly, and I was still finding air. I removed my eyes from him, and neither of us was looking at him properly. I was searching for a place to fix my eyes. Discomfort has been locked under my throat. But how can I say no?
"Le-leno, ahm, c-can we take some, some more time. I-I, actually, I am not ready for it, n-now. Ah! If you, if you are okay with it." I gave my answer as close to a no, while looking away from him. It was not a disrespect, I can face problems too, I was telling myself. Rain starts falling heavily, making a rhythm of clanging sound, mixed with thunder. I can feel some cold wind coming from the open window, blowing up the curtains hanging around the bed. I did not look at those, all I was noticing, shadows. Feeling the confinement, facing the compression, holding the dismals, showing the configuration. The wind, the rain, and the sound let me feel all those more.
He was holding his attention all up on me, from a little distance away. I did not know the reason for his silence. I did not offend him, nor pissed him off. He asked me with showing the respect of permission, I answered him in the right way, as I should. I did not say no, I said later. I dared to look at him, moving my face. I did as I met his eyes, which were already locked with mine. I took a few seconds to read them. Eyes never lie- I believed the theory and read those. I could not get the truth. I get a charm look, tan eyes, sight, not much. I just ended my beliefs in his eyes. I did not say a word at first. I opened my mouth but could not. I said the last thing, why was he still in what he had been? I had him holding all his sights up on me, waiting for my sights! What he wanted then, my attention. He was lying over me, putting all his pressure on his knuckles. I can see his sharp veins on the forearms, like spreading roots. I looked at him, again. I just got out of lines, fuck it! I did not control myself from looking at him. Although it was not in my interest, I do not know what he thought about me. I do not even know why I looked over him. It was totally embracing for me. I could not meet his eyes, moved them away, thinking, he noticed me now noticing him? Or more noticing his things. How could I shamelessly do this? I can not do this after being rejected sharply. How was he even taking it? As an intention?