Gen's POV
It seemed that something about Shu-kun was…off. He gets sleep well, but something is off. I observed in his room almost every night, he began to overdose on his medication, especially on his antidepressants. I mean, the amount of them had dwindled despite not seeing their side effects on Shu. He kept a straight face every time, yet I know something was off.
Man, I am getting worried for him…
It seemed that his trauma of a dark deed on me had destroyed and shattered his character very badly.
I felt bad for him more than for what I did to his parents, one of them who was my former researcher. His Japanese father was a former researcher of mine. I absolutely regretted betraying him by killing him. I should've listened to him when he didn't want me to make the zombie virus.
Then, Hayate and I walked into his room while he was on a reconnaissance mission with Nato and his squad. We saw a spiral-bound notebook with a black and red cardstock cover. Curiosity got the better of us, so we flipped the pages. Our faces turned pale. He no longer hated himself, but he had these fantasies of being tortured by us as his requests. He wants to feel the pain so he would be psychologically (I am not kidding) cleansed from his sins against me.
"Is he wanting to be in pain…?" Hayate whispered. "This is like suicide but survival."
Also, three pages were dedicated to a formula of a serum called On the Brink of Death. It freezes his nerves to stop the bleeding and heal itself whenever there was a wound on Shu. That explains how he survived a sniper shot by a zombie sniper and a few times by other zombie soldiers and being bitten by other zombies, too.
This guy is a genius. He is suffering, but suicide for him is a coward's exit. He did not abandon his future; he just postponed it for a year.
Man, these fantasy entries are well-detailed, and some are copied in another script. I later learned it was Devanagari; the script used in (according to Shu's research notes) writing Hindi, Bodo, Nepali, Marathi, and Marwari.
That was quite fascinating.
I did not know he was interested in languages now…
But still, his fantasies were concerning for us. "Well…what should I do for him…?" I whispered.
Hayate had nothing to come up with a solution.
I think there is one solution that I had come up with at the moment, and it was a crazy one…
Hayate agreed to volunteer so Shu would satisfy his fantasies.