EVADNE
Alexander took me home after our 'consolidation session'. I offered to make him coffee and he accepted so here I was in the kitchen making coffee.
I poured myself a cup of strawberry juice. As much as I craved coffee I couldn't risk having
another panic attack. I also have to continue writing my novel before the deadline reaches.
I already missed writing for 3 days and that makes me 5 chapters behind. I was finally done making the coffee. I put it on the tray and took it to Alex who was sitting on my bed.
He smiled at me and I returned the smile. I went back to the kitchen to fetch my glass of juice and bumped into Laila which made me drop my glass.
"Sorry."
I went to the kitchen and took a small plastic bag to put the shattered glass in, then I went back to the spot and Laila was still standing there. She is wearing a mini green strapless dress with a bow attached behind, white pencil heels and her hair is tied up in a high ponytail.
Her lips were painted with red lipstick, not to mention the loads of make-up she always had on her face. I doubt I'd ever seen her without her make-up.
I bent down to start picking the shattered glass one by one, careful not to get cut. Laila's presence was unsettling, she hadn't spoken a word. I picked up all the large pieces of the
broken glass and stood up to be met by Laila's hideous glare. I wanted to roll my eyes but I held them in place and smiled at her.
I took in her outfit again, just her whole look in general, she looked miserable. I may not be beautiful but at least I had accepted that, Laila on the other hand was forcing beauty.
The makeup, the clothes, everything about her was fake and somehow she thought she was the queen of something. At this moment I wish she'd meet Esmeralda, maybe that would remind her of her place.
Laila, "you're ugly you know that."
I knew I wasn't good looking but hearing it from her kind of stung. I wish I could tell her just how ugly I think she is especially with all those layers of makeup and her fake lifestyle. Tears welled up in my eyes and even though they were threatening to spill I prayed they wouldn't betray me
no matter what.
Laila, "you look like you escaped from the zoo, you know those black baboons. Your skin is not
even appealing, you're fat. Ugly. Disgusting."
Words were stuck in my throat. I wouldn't force them out. What if I cried because of it.
Alexander, "you're one to talk."
Alexander was leaning against my doorframe with the cup of coffee I made for him in his hands.
He drew the cup to his lips and I watched as half of his face disappeared into the cup while his eyes lingered on Laila.
Laila who was looking at him turned back to look at me and her face contorted, she looked amused.
Laila,"'so you're a whore. I knew it. I knew you were dirty. All the times you left home and came back late at night wearing the sluttiest clothes I could imagine with your ugly ass on display for the whole world to see. "
Alexander, "has anyone ever told you that you're hideous. You look like a walking abomination not to mention with that amount of makeup you look like an advertisement for a failing
business."
Laila stepped back a little flustered by his sudden comment. She held her chest seemingly offended. Her mean demeanor she always wore like a trophy shifted into something else.
Alexander, "is your self esteem so low that you're trampling on someone who you assume is ugly. Or is it that you're aware she's 10 times prettier than you but you're in denial. I mean if you're jealous of her I understand, she has curves, an hourglass figure, gorgeous skin and she's someone I'd gladly fuck compared to you. You're fake, you have a paper flat ass that looks like the wall of Jericho and not to mention you look like an abandoned pole with that body. "
Laila was silent and suddenly I wished I had stopped Alexander from talking. She wrapped her arms around herself and I knew that gesture far too well. She looked down and I saw a drop of a tear fall on the floor but she didn't dare look up.
Laila, "do you really think I'm that hideous? Is that what everyone thinks when they look at me."
Her voice was low, soft and broken. She looked at me and I saw the tears that had formed on her eyes threatening to spill. I'd be lying if I shook my head and denied that I'd thought that way about her at some point but I never would have guessed that she struggled with loving who she was.
I thought she was just some snob who was spoiled and thought she was a queen when she was not good looking.
She turned around, went back to her room and shut the door. Alex wasn't moved at all by her sudden outburst. Quite frankly I didn't want to think about her or how she was feeling.
Right now I had a sickly insane idea. I cleared the mess from the juice quickly and Alex just watched. After I was done I pushed Alex into the room and locked my door, crosschecking twice by pulling the door to make sure I really locked.
"what are you doing?"
I took a deep breath. Lord be with me because I am about to do something crazy. I hope it doesn't cost me my friendship.
" I know we're just friends, I don't have any feelings for you whatsoever but well you're a guy so I… I… I want to try something on you. Please don't be mad. "
He raised one eyebrow and his lips rose into a beautiful smile as if he was already anticipating what that would be. I took a few steps towards him until we were close, too close to be just friends and just friends is what we were.
"I've never had my first kiss." I whispered, breathing shallow.
I put my hands on his shoulders and waited for any sort of reaction. For him to push me away perhaps before I made a stupid mistake.
Despite being a virgin, one thing was for sure I was easily turned on, the romance language I learned in my relationship with gangster was sexual, too sexual for my liking. I craved sexual romance over holding hands. I'd never had sex before but I'm sure I'd be an addict if I tried it hence I have to do it with the right person, someone I'll have access to anytime, anywhere no matter the circumstances.
I lifted myself on my tiptoes and brought my face closer to his. Our lips didn't touch, I could only hear the beat of my heart and my mind screaming at me as to what I'm doing.
I may be able to reprimand myself regarding sexual thoughts but I sure as hell would be left craving if by any chance he touched me. I hate my body for this. I get aroused by people I don't even love so I can't trust myself with any man's touch, unless of course they're just not it.
What the hell am I doing? I stood down on my heels and backed away from him.
"I'm sorry Alex, I… I don't know what got over me. "