Robert watched as the body was carried away. Ken talked with him for a while before leaving as well.
The crowd of onlookers that had been dense earlier gradually thinned out, since there was nothing left to talk about. Only a few people remained. Robert, Saber, and a dog that was peeing on a utility pole.
"What is this? How can Berserker act so rude and improper in front of my Master?! Get lost right now!" Saber waved her hand, shooing the dog away.
"YOU ALL MUST PAY!!" the dog said in a thick Irish accent… Well, it didn't actually speak. The author just felt something was missing and added it in anyway (Cú: Dude).
"Saber… what do you think of that corpse?" Robert stood there, staring at the spot where the body had been placed.
"…There's no doubt about it. It's still alive. In fact, it's perfectly healthy," Saber said with absolute certainty.
"Even though its face looked stiff, if you observe carefully, you can see it slowly distorting. A normal person definitely wouldn't notice."
"…Ugh, this Holy Grail War is way more disgusting than I imagined. There's even a horror element now," Robert groaned, covering his face in exhaustion.
"Come on, Master. It's only the second day. Why are you already acting so tired?" Saber walked over and looked him in the eyes.
She was so tall that Robert had to tilt his head up to look at her.
"…I think Ken mentioned something earlier… We're going to investigate the school next, right?"
"Yeah."
"Did you smell anything at the school?"
"The scent of mystery."
Ah, right. Earlier when Ken and Robert were exchanging information, Saber had caught a strange scent coming from the direction of the school, which was quite far away. Coincidentally, Ken also planned to head there to investigate.
There wasn't much information about what exactly they were investigating, but the standout detail was the appearance of several strange toy spiders in the toilets.
At first, everyone thought some pervert had installed spider-shaped cameras to spy on people. But when they checked, what they found inside was shocking.
Gunpowder.
…Apparently, someone hated school so much that instead of bringing a gun like a normal quiet kid, this person decided to go full terrorist.
"Let's go check it out. Hopefully we don't run into anything too terrible," Robert said to Saber.
"As long as your luck isn't too awful," Saber replied, raising her hand with a serious expression.
That's right, luck is also part of one's skills!
And so, Saber hoisted Robert onto her shoulder and ran at high speed.
She couldn't go at full power though, or the roads and houses wouldn't be able to withstand the destructive force of her legs.
'At this rate, she'd be perfect for Pretty Derby,' Robert thought as he watched her.
***
It was a large and spacious school.
Well, of course. Every slice-of-life story needs at least one.
Inside were students with mostly ordinary hair colors — black, brown, blonde…
…Though there was one guy with silver hair sitting near the window. He clearly belonged to the minority.
"Do you sense anything?" Robert asked, looking around. He didn't feel anything, so he turned to Saber.
However, Saber's face had gone rigid. Her expression was frighteningly serious.
"This smell… gunpowder, poison, iron, and… a Servant."
"…Already? We're running into one this early?"
"Be careful, Master. Even though I can smell it, I'm not very good at pinpointing the exact location. After all, Spiritual Form is the best way to hide one's presence," she said, walking ahead of Robert.
…Thanks, but could you at least switch to Spiritual Form? Are you really going to walk around attracting attention with that huge armored body?
Rustle.
"?!"
Both Robert and his Servant immediately drew their weapons and pointed them at a nearby bush.
What stepped out revealed its true form… It was a toy spider!
"…Huh?" Even though Robert had already heard about it, actually seeing it in person made its ridiculous appearance hit differently.
"Master, step back."
"Ah, right."
The toy spider had a timer on its belly. It crawled toward Robert as if it had locked onto its target.
Tick tick tick.
"Damn it! It's moving!"
"Be careful, Master!"
Tick tick tick.
"This thing is actually terrifying! Is someone controlling it remotely, or is this the same type as Sheer Heart Attack?!"
"We should observe it carefully before it does anything!"
Tick tick tick.
"…Wait… isn't it kind of… slow?"
"Master, I advise you not to underestimate it, no matter how slow it is."
Tick tick tick.
"…?"
"…?"
It crawled along at a snail's pace, continuously making that annoying ticking sound.
"…" Both Saber and Robert just stared at it, watching how far it could go.
Ahem, allow me to narrate… It was moving at funeral speed! Unbelievable! Even Lancer would have to salute this speed — which was somehow slower than a sloth!
When it had only made it halfway, Saber kicked it away.
Whooooosh… Thud.
It landed in the middle of the path, belly facing the sky.
Yep, it was stuck. It couldn't get up.
"…" Robert and Saber looked at each other.
…Yeah. How should I put this? Ken was probably over-worrying. Even with explosives attached, this thing's speed was truly memorable. It might even be slower than a snail.
Suddenly, a guy with red eyes, deep blue hair, and sharp teeth walked by carrying a fishing rod.
"Those fucking fish! I swear I'll kill every last one of you!!" he snarled, fists clenched.
Yep, that was Cú Alter.
His bucket was full of nothing but boots and random trash. It looked like he hadn't caught a single decent thing. Good thing that blond Archer guy wasn't here, or he would've laughed scornfully and shown off his wealth to the admiring kids.
Squish…
"Huh?" Cú Alter stopped and looked down at what he'd just stepped on.
Oh, it was a toy spider! How cu—
BOOOOOOM!!!!
Robert and Saber watched as a dog crossing the street was blown to pieces. They could only remain silent.
But credit where it was due — the explosive power was genuinely terrifying.
Wait, I haven't said the iconic line yet.
Lancer ga shinda!!
"W-What the fuck?! And who the hell just called me Lancer?!"
Oh, Cú Alter was still alive. Looked like he was luckier than his other versions.
Vroom vroom!
"Heh?" Cú looked over and saw a motorcycle speeding toward him.
Thud!
Well, no surprise there. He got run over.
"Hm? Did I just run over something?" the man in construction worker clothes asked.
"Probably just a dog crossing the road, Master. Don't worry about it," the person riding behind him — also in construction clothes… was Lancer, smoking a cigarette.
Whoa, he even brought his Servant to work with him? What a genius idea.
"Yeah, probably. Whatever."
The two sped off, completely unaware of what they had just run over.
Robert and Saber looked at the two who had just run over Berserker, then at Berserker lying flattened on the ground, striking a perfect Yamcha Pose.
LANCER GA SHINDA!!!