"Tch."
At a luxurious and expensive hotel,
A man was having sex with an elderly woman right on the bed.
"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" He slapped her ass hard, then pulled out.
"Ouch! Don't you know how to treat your elders?!" The woman turned her face around. Her face was extremely wrinkled, even older than your grandmother.
"Fuck! I'm pissed off at that cop! He dared to order his men to shoot at me! Does he have a death wish or something?!"
"That's literally what police are supposed to do, isn't it? Were they just supposed to stand there and listen to you rambling?"
"It's not your turn to speak! Do you believe I'll chop you into 17 pieces of meat?!"
"When your name has 'Shiki' in it, then you can threaten me."
"You like arguing, huh?! Believe me, I'll call my dad and turn you into orange juice?!"
"Dude, if your dad was that kind of guy, he would've cloned your mom and neglected you. Also, now I remember that guy looks a bit like Madao from Silver Balls—"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! DON'T YOU KNOW ABOUT COPYRIGHT?!"
He stood up with an extremely irritated expression.
He was doing this for fun, yet the police always ruined his enjoyment.
Like, he was just flirting with the old lady next door, who was he harming? Taxing old people and children, who was he harming?!
He was even kind enough to send cancer patients off peacefully right after their successful tumor surgery.
He was such a good person! (Wow, gaslighting himself to the next level.)
His current state was largely thanks to his beloved father, President Donan Fuk Slump.
The man always preached about making America great again and wanted to build a wall.
Thanks to his policies supporting Israel and his strong emphasis on human rights, he had been awarded 36 Nobel Peace Prizes, Oscars, and many other honors!
What a great man!
Donan John's mother, Epstein Steel, was a woman who truly cared for the people. She gave herself to Slump at the age of 15, even though there was about a 50-year age gap.
Oh, what a woman dedicated to Great America!
"Who the hell have you been telling your family lore to all this time?" the old woman asked, lighting a cigarette.
"What do you know? You only know how to suck my money."
"You massacred my entire family, raped me, and now you're blaming me?" The woman looked at him with utter disgust and contempt.
"Heh, I chose you because I like you. If I didn't like you, I would've sold you to my mom and sent you to Epstein Island already."
The woman narrowed her eyes at him but ultimately said nothing.
This was the fate of those targeted by Donan John.
At best, they die. At worst, they become his playthings.
This man was like a demon wearing human skin.
His father was the same. It was said that President Slump had blatantly accused another country of many crimes, using it as an excuse to provoke war.
When that country finally got furious and wanted to fight seriously, cutting off oil supplies and launching random bombings, Slump suddenly wanted to negotiate. He spouted all kinds of nonsense in the media, claiming that country was playing dirty, while almost completely ignoring everything he had said earlier.
A true clown. It's rare to find a decent American president.
"You like looking down on me, huh? One move from me and you'll be nothing but bones!"
"Whatever you said, mr. Retard."
"Y-You!!!"
But before he could say anything more, he suddenly lost consciousness and fainted.
"Huh?" The old woman jumped in shock, staring at Donan John lying motionless on the floor like a corpse, and began to panic.
...That was the moment he was pulled into this Holy Grail War and summoned Caster — Mephistopheles, a Servant who was definitely friendly and would never betray his Master.
***
'Donan John, this bastard is the son of the most infamous president in America right now. He rapes, murders, commits terrorism, pushes old ladies into the sea, taxes the elderly and children, and even fucked the neighbor's dog just because it dared to look at him funny, blah blah bleh bleh.'
'In short, a walking piece of garbage. His stench is so disgusting I almost want to vomit just from reading his criminal record.'
'And right now, he's standing in front of me as a Master!'
Robert stared at Donan, who was smiling smugly.
"You—"
BANG!
Clang!
"Fuck— you didn't even let me finish—" Donan flinched from the bullet. Fortunately, Caster's scissors had blocked it. He glared angrily at Robert and tried to continue.
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Robert didn't say a single word. He went straight for the kill.
There was no need to talk. Nothing this scum said was worth listening to. It would be better if he died right here.
He would carry out his justice right now.
"Oya oya oya? Seiba's Master... Cool! Determined! Sharp! I LIKE HIM!" Caster spoke like a madman, showing clear admiration for Robert's actions.
Donan John's eyes narrowed in extreme displeasure.
Not only was he being ignored, this bastard actually wanted to kill him!
"You're good! If you want to die so badly, I'll grant your wish!"
"Master! You should say 'You are courting death!' to sound more manly!" Caster added helpfully.
"Shut up! Deal with his Servant! Don't kill her. I'll be very happy if I can rape with a woman like her."
Saber narrowed her eyes at him.
Was this bastard actually mentally disabled? No one in their right mind would openly say they wanted to rape an enemy Servant. She had plenty of ways to make his dick explode and see if he could still smile.
"As you command, Master... Seiba... Oh Seiba~ I'm so excited... I'm so excited that my emotions are about to explode!!!" Caster said maniacally.
'This type of Servant is quite difficult to deal with. After all, a madman often does things no one can predict.' She gripped her sword tightly, keeping an eye on both Caster and her own Master.
'If my Master is in danger... then I'll have no choice but to use it.'
"Now it's just you and me. I hope you can endure it," Donan said with a contemptuous look.
BANG!
Robert fired without saying a word. Donan had predicted it and already acted.
At that moment, Robert saw Donan's arm gathering mana before slamming it onto the ground.
Immediately after, a massive explosion blasted dirt and stones everywhere.
'W-What?!' Robert was confused. A flying rock slammed into his stomach, forcing him to stagger back in pain.
"Looking at your face, it seems your Servant didn't teach you anything, huh?"
Robert watched as Donan walked toward him with a smug, indifferent expression.
"This is magecraft. This is the origin. This is art!"
"Every explosion is a masterpiece! Your death will be the perfect finishing touch!"
"You will be nothing more than a stepping stone for me, a true Magus!!"