EVADNE
My shift ended late at 2 am in the morning. Angelo was still waiting for me and he looked tired.
The crew was cleaning up the tables. It wasn't my duty, I had already done too much for the night. My job here was just some supporting stripper, the side stripper and yet I was here all the time serving clients like a waitress.
Angelo closed his laptop and put it in his bag.
"You're done princess."
"Yes. Today's shift was kind of hectic but I survived."
He pulled me close, his hand wrapped around my waist and kissed me. The kiss was gentle and slow. He held me like I was the most precious diamond on earth and I loved it. I loved every moment with him. He never made me feel like I was forcing myself on him, he appreciated me. I wasn't really rich but gift giving was my love language, something people took advantage of very often.
Angelo though appreciated everything I did for him. Although he was wealthy he didn't make me feel lower. A day into our relationship he publicly announced that I was his girlfriend. I hadn't expected him to do that. Introducing me in public.
"Come home with me. Will you sleep over tonight?"
I agreed and he took me to his car. He opened the door for me and I stepped in.
"My mom really likes you."
"I'm glad she does. She's a really amazing woman you know. She's so kind and I'm pretty sure you guys had an amazing childhood. I mean dance nights, and who would take on a child of another. You're blessed to have parents like them. Your father is a bit scary but he loves your mom and it's so beautiful."
His grip on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles turned white. Was he angry? I decided to keep my mouth shut.
"Did I say something to upset you?"
He sighed," I hate my father, we are a happy family but trust me I'd take any chance to get rid of him. He doesn't deserve my mom."
"But why do you hate him? He loves you, he's your father. He loves you. What do you mean he doesn't deserve your mom? You should see the way he looks at your mother, you know. It's really beautiful, in fact you should see how he holds her. He really loves your mother."
The abrupt stop of the car sent me flying off my seat but thanks to the seatbelt I didn't fly off to the dashboard. Angelo got out of the car and furiously walked towards the woods.
I didn't want to go there but I had to follow after him. The rain definitely did have the wrong timing, I hadn't even noticed how dark the sky was covered by clouds that looked like they had been carrying the weight of tears for years.
Maybe I'm being dramatic because it was dark and it wasn't really clear how grey the clouds were. The rain started pouring, gnawing at my skin and I regretted my choice of wardrobe today.
The soil beneath my feet had quickly become muddy and Angelo was walking too fast so I tried running after him to catch up.
"Angelo, Angelo, wait. Please wait for me. Angelo."
He finally stopped and I ran to him before he decided to start walking again.
"I'm sorry for whatever I did wrong. Can we please get in the car because unlike you I'm wearing a dress and I don't have a jersey and it's cold out here and not to mention the rain plus these woods look haunted."
"Sorry princess. You can go to the car. I just need a little fresh air, I'll be back on promise."
I stepped closer to him and took his hand in mine. His hands were cold and he was shivering slightly but not too obviously.
"You can tell me anything, Angelo."
"My father doesn't deserve my mother at all. If only you knew the things he did to her when we were still kids. You should've seen how he treated her. If you could have heard the things he used to say about her you wouldn't look at him the same."
"Tell me then I'd like to know so that I can understand. You can trust me."
"he abused her. He used to keep her locked in a room with chains on her wrists like she was a prisoner. He used to bring multiple women home and fuck them all while mom was tied up in the next room. While we were out there in foreign countries he believed we were dead, we looked like him yet he believed we weren't even his kids. My mom nearly died. She nearly died. We could have lost her. He never appreciated moms love. Men like my father don't deserve to be loved at all. Mom might have forgiven him but I will never forgive him."
Abuse, torture?
"I watched my mother beg for scraps of love long before she even got it. I watched when she nearly lost her mind. I was there when she was accused of murder and to make things worse I believed the lies and I told her I hated her. I was there when she was lying in the hospital bed after having a stroke, when she fought for her life all because of dad and maybe I was at fault too. She begged for love until she got it and maybe that's all I know of love, that you have to earn it, to work hard for it. If love is not given to you on a golden platter Pinky, then you learn to lick it off knives. What other love could possibly be out there."
"How…how could that sweet woman have gone through all of that?"
"It all began with unrequited love pinky. My mom wasn't handed the love she's being given today, the love she gets now, she had to fight death to earn it. When we all turned our backs on her, mom was out there trying to bring us all together, to ensure we were back home safe. While we hated her she was working hard to ensure we had it all. When her mental health was deteriorating, when she was abused, cheated on, raped all she did was work for that fuckin love she believed in. Sometimes I wish I could find that man who had helped her and thank him because I sure as hell wouldn't have her today if it wasn't for him."
I looked at him trying to fit the puzzle, the man who looked at his wife with so much admiration, how could he have done such awful things? Is that why he looked at his sons with so much guilt, is that why he always tried so hard to be good enough.
I know how that felt, being held on to your past mistakes. There has to be more to the story; it can't be just surface level. I have to talk to his father. I know it's not my place but I can give it a try. I looked up at angelo and he looked defeated, could he drive in this condition, how bad were the monsters he kept under his bed?
I spread my arms out signaling for a hug and smiled mischievously at him. He slowly stepped forward and rested his head on my shoulder then he wrapped his arms around my waist. I had to tiptoe to hug him properly. He buried his head on my neck and for a moment I was warm. Heheld on to me like I'd disappear and that made my heart ache. I didn't want to disappear. I wanted to stay here with him. I wanted to be here for him until the end.
How was it possible that such a kind hearted soul had experienced so much darkness and simply swept it under a rug. How could his father be abusive and yet have such an amazing son? How many more secrets were there?
"I love you Pinky. I love you so much,please don't ever leave me. I'll accept anything you give me but please don't ever leave me."
"I'm not leaving anytime soon Angelo. I'll be here whenever you need me."
Was this what he learned from love? To beg, to plead all the time, to be good enough for the people he loved. His mothers decision to stay after all the abuse, the trauma, was that all it had taught him. To stay even when there was no need to. If I had read through the lines clearly would I have seen why he was so affectionate towards me. The way he always rested his head on my shoulder, chest or stomach, the constant need to be close to me.
All this time I didn't understand why he could be so clingy. I just loved it but I never knew it ran deeper than just being clingy. The only love he knew was the one you worked for. That's what he'd learned from his mother. That's the only love he ever knew. Despite having wealth, a family, success, a mother who loved him, he was still here trying to be loved. What if he had loved the wrong woman? What if he had been in love with a vicious snake? I will love him. I will make sure he doesn't have to beg for love. I'll make sure he feels loved, I'll make sure he knows gentle love. I will love him god I promise I will.