Chapter 11: The Pope's Unyielding Hunger
She buried her face into the crown of Lirian's head, rubbing her cheek against the silky white strands with slow, hungry motions that made her own pulse thunder in her ears. His scent filled her lungs, warm and impossibly alive, carrying that faint trace of sun-warmed skin and something sacred no other soul in the Holy See of Akadonia could ever replicate. It sank into her like a drug, pulling every thought down until nothing existed except the small, fragile boy trapped against her chest. Males like him were so rare now, so precious, that even the simple act of breathing him in felt like stealing from the gods themselves. She drew another deep lungful, letting the warmth of him coil low in her belly until her thighs pressed together on instinct.
"This new perfume you're wearing… it smells wonderful," Lirian murmured, his voice high and soft, the words tumbling out a little too quickly.
His cheeks flushed a deep, embarrassed red. She felt the restless shift of his body, the way his shoulders twitched like he wanted to pull away but couldn't quite make himself do it. A small, satisfied smile curved her lips. No. He wasn't going anywhere.
Her fingers tightened around him, digging in just enough to remind him who held the power here. Through the thin fabric of his robe, right over his heart, she felt the frantic drum of his pulse. The rapid beat sent a fresh spike of heat racing through her own veins. He was excited. The knowledge only made her want him more.
"Heh heh… You think so?" she asked, voice low and warm, the affection in it edged with something darker.
"Yes…"
"Your scent is lovely too, Lirian."
"Heh heh… Th-thank you…"
His ear burned scarlet right in front of her eyes, plump and ripe like fruit ready to burst. She wondered how it would taste if she sank her teeth in—just a little. Sweet juice would surely spill across her tongue. The urge hit her so hard her breath caught.
She couldn't hold back.
Her teeth closed gently on the soft lobe, a careful bite that still carried the full weight of her hunger.
Lirian's whole body jerked hard against her. A choked little sound tore out of his throat, high and startled, and he hunched forward, shoulders curling in as both hands flew up to clutch at his chest like he could hide the reaction. She had found a weakness. The discovery sent a dark thrill racing through her. She wanted to see more of that—wanted to ruin that pretty, doll-like face until he couldn't think straight.
Her heart slammed against her ribs so violently she felt it in her teeth. Every sense narrowed to the boy in her arms.
"Your Holiness… please let me go now…" he pleaded, voice trembling.
"No…" she answered, the single word soft, sweet, and utterly final. You did this to me. So let's take responsibility together, all the way to the end. My sweet little devotee. The only one I have in this entire world.
She turned his head with careful fingers until those wide golden eyes met hers. He had no idea what was coming next, and the innocence in his expression made her mouth water.
"Heh heh… It's… it's a little overwhelming…"
Saliva pooled under her tongue. She already knew exactly how this would go. A long, messy kiss where their spit would mix in filthy, unholy strands. Then she would drag him straight to her bed and keep him there until morning, bodies sliding together until they had given each other everything for the first time. They would share that final step, and in the end the two of them would bear the fruit of it. Just thinking about it sent a hot jolt racing from her lower belly straight up her spine. Her abdomen clenched hard, already preparing, already aching. Her legs felt unsteady. If she waited any longer she wouldn't be able to stop herself.
A faint rumble vibrated against her from Lirian's stomach.
He scratched at his cheek, clearly mortified. "Um… I should probably eat breakfast…"
"Ah…"
The realization hit her like cold water straight to the face. She had completely forgotten. He had waited for her last night without touching a single bite. Her head cleared in a rush, the fog of want burning away and leaving only sharp, stinging guilt behind.
"Let's eat quickly, Lirian," she said, already lifting the silverware with a flick of holy power. The utensils rose, settled neatly onto the table, and arranged themselves in perfect order.
How had she missed it? How had she let her own selfish hunger blind her to the state of her most precious devotee? Self-loathing twisted tight in her chest. She hated how weak she became around him. Her teeth sank into her lower lip until the metallic taste of blood bloomed across her tongue.
Dishes clattered gently as they filled with steaming food. The rich smells of fresh bread, hearty beef stew, and herbal tea should have been comforting. Her hand hovered, unwilling to move.
"Mmm! Auntie Lorelei's cooking really is on another level!" Lirian said brightly, forcing cheer into his voice as if he could patch the awkward silence by sheer willpower alone.
"…Yes," she managed.
Nothing had any taste. Every bite felt like chewing rubber. The flavors slid across her tongue and vanished, leaving only the heavy weight of her own failure.
The quiet settled again, thick enough to choke on.
"The weather's nice today," he tried.
"…It is."
Inside her head the sky was black with storm clouds, thunder already rumbling. She hated every single thing in existence right then. She set her fork down with a soft click and pressed two fingers to her forehead, eyes closing against the pressure building behind them.
Why did this only happen when she stood in front of him? She had managed so well for so long. Why now? That sweet kiss from yesterday kept flashing behind her eyes, paralyzing every rational thought.
Lirian…
The moment she opened her mouth to speak, he tilted his head in that curious little way of his, and the sight was so unbearably adorable her heart gave a painful lurch. At the same time the darker part of her stirred again, restless and hungry. If she kept going like this she would do something unforgivable.
"Your Holiness?" he asked, concern threading through his voice.
She let out a long, shaky breath and dropped her gaze to the table.
Even the sound of his voice was too lovely. What kind of madness was this?
"Lirian… I'm truly sorry."
"No, I'm fine."
A sigh slipped out of her. "Lately my mind has been all over the place…"
Pathetic. Making excuses like a coward. She didn't deserve the title of Pope. She wished he would scold her, call her out for every shameful thing she had done.
"Your Holiness, I really am okay…" He had moved closer without her noticing. His hand slid over hers, warm and gentle, and those golden eyes looked at her with such pure kindness that her nose stung and her chest ached with sudden, overwhelming relief.
"Lirian… I promise it won't happen again."
"Really?"
"Yes. On the name of the Pope."
"Heh heh, got it." He offered his little finger for the pinky promise, smiling like the sun itself had decided to shine just for her.
She squeezed it tight. If any god existed, this had to be what one looked like—gentle, forgiving, warm enough to burn away every impure thought she carried. His kindness turned the black hunger inside her to ash in an instant. She had almost violated someone this pure. She deserved to die ten thousand times for even thinking it.
She closed her eyes and offered a silent prayer. As Pope, I command it—lock away every last impure version of Vespera. The fourth Vespera Conference would not escape a bloody purge.
Peace returned to the morning like a soft blanket. She repeated the promise several more times, voice steady and sincere, until the stiffness between them finally melted. They traded small, easy words back and forth, and the room filled with the kind of quiet warmth she lived for.
"Hmm… So that's why you told me to hurry and eat," Lirian said, eyes sparkling with understanding.
"Yes… I made you skip dinner last night because of me."
"Heh heh… Thank you for thinking of me."
No, Lirian. I'm the one who should be thanking you. Your loyalty deserves a proper reward, and I'll prepare something soon. We have enough sweet desserts already. Something else. A gift that carries every ounce of my true feelings… What would be best?
A smile tugged at her lips before she could stop it.
"Your Holiness! What kind of happy thought has you smiling like that?"
"Heh heh, it's nothing."
Talking with him, sharing these small ordinary moments, was the only real joy she allowed herself as Pope. She wished it could last forever.
"Oh, how was your day yesterday?" she asked, keeping her tone light even though the question mattered more than he could know. She needed to know every step he took, every person he spoke to, every risk he might have faced. It was the only way she could breathe easy.
"Umm… I mostly just remember seeing patients nonstop in the morning…"
Good. He hadn't wandered off course. A day that felt like a blur usually meant he had thrown himself into his duties with that quiet diligence she adored.
"Heh heh, well done. Anything else happen?"
"Umm…"
"Take your time thinking, Lirian."
She turned the question of his reward over in her mind while he considered. An accessory he could keep with him always—something modest. A ring might feel too heavy. A bracelet? A necklace? She weighed the options, savoring the simple pleasure of planning something just for him.
He suddenly clapped his hands together, eyes lighting up. "Oh! I got asked on a date!"
"Heh heh, congratulations."
A date. She should be happy for him. Of course she should. And yet the only woman who truly belonged at his side was—
The silver fork left her hand before she even realized it. It drove straight down into the wooden tabletop with a solid thunk, tines buried deep. Her fingers still gripped the handle, knuckles bone-white.
Memories from Countess Evergreen's estate flashed across her mind—Lirian's hand held gently in someone else's, the two of them smiling like they belonged together. The image made her stomach twist with pure revulsion. She had never imagined that disgusting fantasy could actually step into reality.
Her teeth ground together hard enough to fill her mouth with the coppery taste of blood. Whoever that nameless woman was, she hated her with every fiber of her being. She would curse the woman's entire path if it cost her everything she had.
"Eh…? Y-Your Holiness…?"
She had almost let the mask slip in front of him. She forced a bright smile back into place, smoothing every trace of rage from her features.
"Oh my? There was a bug on the table."
The decision settled inside her with cold, perfect clarity. The gift was chosen. Handcuffs. Yes. Handcuffs would be exactly what a boy who wandered around charming every woman he met needed most.