Chapter 10: His Sleeping Touch on My Breasts
The start of my day today was nothing short of perfect.
No exhaustion weighed me down, just a crisp, refreshing morning that filled my lungs with clean cathedral air. I hadn't suffered a single nightmare, nor had I jolted awake in the gray hours before dawn. After so long, a deep, unbroken sleep like this left me smiling before I even opened my eyes.
"Lirian…?" I whispered, testing the quiet.
As expected, he remained fast asleep, breathing slow and steady against me. No matter how many times I saw him like this, the sight never failed to tug at something deep inside my chest. He looked so peaceful, so utterly mine in that moment.
But then I noticed the position he'd settled into sometime during the night. Both his small hands were clasped tight around the front of my robes, his face pressed firmly between my breasts, his entire body molded flush against mine. This level of full, unconscious closeness was new. My heart gave a heavy, single thud that echoed through my ribs.
"Lirian…" The word slipped out softer this time, laced with a warmth I couldn't contain.
How could someone so small and fragile feel this perfect in my arms? He was adorable beyond words, every line of him delicate and trusting. I carefully unthreaded my fingers from where they'd been laced with his and let my palm drift over the silky strands of his white hair, stroking with the lightest touch. Just for a little while, I wanted to savor this happiness that belonged only to us.
Yet a restless itch had already begun to crawl across my skin, right where his cheek rested. It wasn't simple affection. It was something thicker, stickier, an impulse that made my fingers twitch with the urge to haul him closer, to crush that peaceful sleep right out of him and replace it with something far more consuming.
His hand flexed in his sleep, kneading the soft swell of my breast through the thin fabric of my night robes.
A jolt of raw electricity shot straight down my spine. My whole body broke out in gooseflesh at once.
"L-Lirian?" The name left me on a shaky breath, half question, half plea.
He did it again, fingers closing with unconscious strength, squeezing the sensitive flesh as if it were his to claim even in dreams.
A hot, broken sigh tore out of me before I could stop it. "Haa…"
I bit down hard on my knuckle to muffle the sound, terrified the needy noise might wake him and expose just how quickly I was unraveling. My thighs pressed together on instinct, trying to ease the sudden ache blooming low in my belly. I had never felt anything like this in all my years. And now, first thing in the morning, I was already teetering on the edge of touching myself just to take the edge off.
I kept stroking his cheek anyway, marveling at the velvety softness of his skin, the way his long lashes rested against it, the glossy fall of his hair that felt like liquid moonlight between my fingers. Yesterday's memory rushed back in vivid color: the way those same lips had tasted when I'd stolen that kiss, sweet as ripe fruit, warm and yielding under mine. How reckless I had been. If he had woken then…
Lirian stirred just enough to nuzzle closer, nose brushing the hollow of my throat. "Your Holiness… did you change your perfume?"
His voice was still thick with sleep, high and sweet the way it always was when he first woke. My stomach flipped. Had I applied it too heavily? I nodded, pulse hammering, and watched his face with careful eyes, searching for any hint of displeasure.
He leaned in until his nose almost touched my collarbone, eyes sliding shut as he breathed me in. The warm puff of his exhale ghosted over my skin, tickling, teasing. My gaze dropped helplessly to his mouth—those full, glistening lips parted just enough to show a flash of tongue. I swallowed hard. The memory of yesterday's kiss flooded my mouth with phantom sweetness all over again. How bold I had been. What if he had opened his eyes right then?
"It smells so good right next to Your Holiness!" he murmured, still half-dreaming, the words brushing warm against my throat.
"R-really?" Relief washed through me so fast my shoulders sagged.
"Yeah! It's amazing."
A long, shaky breath left me. "Thank the gods… I'm glad."
His lips looked even more tempting up close, shiny and plump, every exhale carrying the faint sweetness of his own scent mixed with the clean soap from last night's bath. The combination—his natural warmth, the faint herbal trace on his skin—wrapped around me like a drug.
Haa…
My body went heavy all at once, the way it did when I sank into a steaming bath after a long day of prayers and politics. Strength bled out of my limbs. My thoughts grew sluggish, syrupy. Keeping my face composed became harder by the second. A relentless voice in my head kept repeating the same thing: not enough. Lirian isn't nearly enough. Pull him in harder. Fill the emptiness. Take what you need.
I tried to argue with myself the way the doctrine demanded. Disregarding someone's will is a grave sin against the Holy See of Akadonia. Forcing anything on him would be no different from an assault. Lirian would hate me for it. I was certain.
But another voice inside me answered smoothly, almost sweetly. This isn't force, Vespera. This is education. Pure and simple.
I blinked. The inner voice pointed straight at the boy still curled against me, utterly defenseless, trusting, his small frame offering no resistance at all. Look at him. So open. So unguarded. If I don't teach him now, someone else will snatch him away the moment my back is turned. He wouldn't even be able to fight back. He'd be violated before he could scream.
The logic settled over me like warm oil. It made a terrible kind of sense.
I reached out in my mind and took the hand the other Vespera offered. We shook on it—me and the version of myself that always knew what was best for our future. Positive steps forward. That was all this was.
"So… how exactly do we educate him?" I asked the voice.
Simple. Start by pulling him into a proper hug.
"And after that?"
Whisper in his ear, gentle as a prayer. Tell him how dangerous it is to stay this open, this vulnerable.
My fingers snapped once, decisive. The excuse felt solid enough. I drew Lirian in tighter, arms sliding around his narrow back until his spine pressed flush to my front. I couldn't see his face this way, but that hardly mattered. The important thing was that he was here, against me, breathing with me, warm and small and mine.
I inhaled the sweet scent at the crown of his head, slow and deep.
Haa…
I was losing my mind, just a little. I wanted to push further. Just a fraction more. Nothing irreversible. Nothing that would scare him away.
The stricter voice returned immediately. Vespera, that crosses the line.
I almost laughed at my own weakness. But progress required sacrifice, didn't it? The bolder part of me clicked her tongue in impatience. Satisfied already? After everything we've waited for?
I looked down at him again. His smile had turned awkward, the corners of his mouth trembling just slightly. My arms had tightened without me realizing, caging him in place. I could still fix this. Smooth it over. Pretend it was only comfort.
Still… it wasn't enough.
Just a little longer, I pleaded with the voices inside my head. Just a few more heartbeats like this. I swear this is the final boundary. No further. I looked up toward the vaulted ceiling of my private chambers as if the gods themselves could witness my oath.
A long sigh moved through the chorus of me. Fine. This really is the last time, Vespera.
I didn't hesitate anymore. I crushed him closer, burying my face in the soft cloud of his hair, letting the silky strands tickle my nose and cheeks. The fantasy had become real. This was heaven—pure, aching, perfect heaven.
I breathed him in again, greedy.
My legs trembled hard enough that my thighs clamped together on their own. Deep in my lower belly something pulsed, sharp and sweet, sending sparks through every nerve. Another deep inhale, and the melting feeling spread until I felt like warm wax molded around his smaller frame.
Life had changed completely the moment Lirian entered it. All the years of war, of blood and demon hordes and endless prayer, felt worth it now. I would slay that demon king a hundred times over if it meant earning even one more morning like this.
How, out of every soul in the world, had he found his way to me? Of all the grand halls and sacred cloisters, how had he chosen these chambers? Of every lifetime I might have lived, how had our paths crossed at exactly this perfect moment?
It had to be divine will. Nothing else could explain the way he fit against me, the way his unconscious hand still rested possessively on my breast, the way his body answered mine even in sleep.
Then I felt it.
A blunt, heavy pressure nudged against my thigh through the thin monastic robes he wore. Enormous. Rigid. Unmistakably the thick length of his cock, hard and insistent, pressing right where my leg met my hip.
My mind blanked for a heartbeat.
Vespera, get a hold of yourself! Multiple versions of me surged forward inside my skull, grabbing at the reins of my control like frantic attendants trying to restrain a runaway horse. They clung to my arms, my thoughts, my rising hunger, all of them united in alarm.
Let go of me! I snarled back at them. Release me right now!
Calm down, the strictest one ordered.
He consented, another insisted. This is implicit consent. His body is telling us exactly what it wants.
If you take him now, there's no going back, a third warned, voice tight with fear.
The pressure in my head spiked until it throbbed behind my eyes. If one careless moment ruined everything between us… if I made Lirian lose that gentle smile because of my own selfishness…
I sagged mentally, the fight draining out of me for a second.
What's gotten into you today, Vespera? one of the inner voices asked, softer now, almost concerned. This isn't like you.
Haa… I almost made a terrible mistake.
Breathe. Tell us what happened.
Silence stretched across the imagined council table inside my mind, thick and electric. Every version of me leaned forward, waiting.
"Lirian…" My own voice sounded foreign even inside my head. "He's hard."
The statement dropped like a stone into still water. Another beat of silence. Then the inner circle of me exchanged glances, nodded once in perfect unison, and each raised a small, round sign of agreement.
This is the moment, one declared. We engrave who he belongs to. Permanently. I agree.
Same, another added without hesitation.
No little fox like him has ever existed. I agree.
Haa… he's so cute… I agree too…
The body never lies, the last one murmured, almost reverent. He's enjoying this on some level. Definitely.
The third emergency meeting of Vespera came to a unanimous close.
I stayed exactly where I was, arms locked around my little devotee, his sleeping hardness still pressed warm and heavy against me, and let the decision settle deep into my bones. The morning light continued to spill across the silk sheets of my bed in the Pope's private chambers, soft and golden, while my heart beat a slow, possessive rhythm against his back.
Nothing had ever felt more right.