Rexdeus's Drifting Consciousness.
"Ungh—"
Again.
A pained groan from her restrained voice echoes in my ears once more.
It's exhausting.
Your voice… just won't stop haunting me.
And when I awaken for the fourth time—
I'm greeted by the sharp, suffocating scent of thick blood.
The air around me feels damp. Cold—like a sealed room that rarely sees light. Something rough presses against my back…
Cloth?
Or earth?
…I'm not sure.
But what matters most—
Is you.
Why…?
Look at me—
I can't even scream in pain or respond to you.
My body feels heavy—like it's bound by something unseen. Even my fingers won't move.
Wouldn't it be better…if you just gave up?
Then why—Why do you keep trying so hard for me? Why do you let yourself be hurt this badly… because of me?
Crk…
That sound—
It's not coming from outside. I want to shut my ears.
Idiot.
Such an idiot…
That disgusting thing…still refuses to stop.
Crk… crk…
It's inside my body. There's nowhere to run.
I can hear it clearly—my own blood chewing through your flesh, greedily.
And the most revolting part—I know… which part it's eating. I can feel it disappearing. Bit by bit.
Why don't you just give up?
You… don't make any sense.
Crk… crk… slrk…
That vile thing has no intention of stopping.
Because it enjoys this.
Especially with the scent of fresh blood from your new wounds—still reaching my nose.
Don't you know what I am?
Someone despised. Something that has to consume the blood and flesh of living beings. Even humans… are my favorite prey.
You don't know that, do you…
Stop.
Before you regret this.
I don't want to smell that sweetness from your blood. I don't like it. I hate it.
That's enough.
You've already been hurt too much because of me…
Stop…
Just stop.
"…Everything will be alright. Don't give up. Your life is precious. Your pain will fade soon. Trust me. You'll get better. Hehe…" she said, letting out a small laugh.
Why are you laughing? What's so funny?
I'm begging you… just give up.
Something like me doesn't deserve your kindness… your sincerity…A creature that can mistake your gentle voice for the scent of prey.
I shouldn't be this greedy. Taking your warmth…your light…for nothing—
And paying for it by watching you get hurt like this…
I don't want that.
If I had just given up from the beginning…
none of this would have happened.
"…Don't give up. It's okay… you'll be fine. Oh—right… when you get better, let's go to Gandelion together. It's a really beautiful place. You don't need to be afraid. I believe in you… ngh…" She said it—and I know…
My blood is eating her. And the most disgusting part—I know it. I know exactly how it's devouring her.
She's holding back the pain.
Because of me.
"…Don't worry. I'll protect you. Especially from someone who might try to harm you right now. I'm pretty strong, you know. Hehe…" she said—laughing like an idiot.
Enough. I'm tired.
"So… don't give up. Don't feel like giving up. You're not alone. Look—I'm holding your hand tightly. I won't let go. Auntie said… if we stay like this—if we keep holding on… we can become stronger. I'll be there for you when you're in pain… and hold your hand like this." She keeps saying useless things.
Stop…
"And if you're willing… when you're sad, or angry, or hurting… let me always stay with you. Let me hold your hand." She keeps going. Her hand is warm. Too warm—compared to the cold air around me.
Stop it!
"So… so… don't give up… don't let the darkness consume you… please…" she pleaded.
Why?
"…I'm afraid of losing you… you have to live… hiks… hiks…" she continued.
Why…?
I don't understand.
From laughing… to crying…
I truly don't understand you.
You don't even know who I really am.
And yet—Your words…Am I allowed to believe them?
Even if they'll turn into lies someday—Just let me believe them. I want to believe.
Then—
That warm energy wraps around me again.
This is wrong…But I don't want to reject it.
Ah…
It's so warm… so gentle. As if there was never any blood—never any torn flesh. As if none of this ever happened.
My body is wrapped in it… light. Weightless. The pain of my blood devouring my flesh disappears.
Wait…
I—
Damn—
I'm going to fall asleep again—
You…will you really stay by my side? Even if in the end… it's all just a lie… it's fine…
Let me…dream…
A beautiful dream…
About you…
***
This is the fifth time I've regained consciousness.
The scent of damp wood and something faintly burned fills the air. There's the soft rustle of fabric—and occasionally, a draft slipping in from somewhere I cannot see.
I still can't open my eyes.
But around me—I can feel everything clearly.
There's no warmth.
She isn't here.
…Hah.
Of course it was all a lie.
What was I even expecting?
How foolish…
I should know what I am. I should know my place. So why…why does everything feel empty without her?
Then—
Within that emptiness—I hear her humming.
Not far from me.
A voice I recognize. A voice that… just by hearing it—can fill the hollow inside me once again.
"I want you to feel loved, I want you to be free…" She sings with a beautiful voice.
"I want you to become whatever you dream of, you can do it…"
The melody calms me.
"Even when fear tries to make you weak, I want your small hand to hold mine tightly… uu…"
…Heh.
"Hmm…I forgot the lyrics," she muttered softly.
I can almost picture her—standing there, confused.
…How ridiculous.
And yet, I can't bring myself to hate her.
A moment later—
I heard footsteps approaching.
Creak…
The wooden door opened slightly.
Outside air flowed in. Fresher… carrying the scent of soil and flowers.
Soft footsteps approached.
Her steps stopped right beside where I lay.
"Good afternoon! How are you? Wow… you're getting better. I'm so happy. Were you lonely? I was just hanging the laundry," she said—all in one breath.
I withdrew into myself.
"Auntie is working in Asti Village. So right now it's just you, me, and Etral. Um… Etral doesn't seem to like you very much yet… but I'm sure it doesn't mean anything bad. It's just worried about me. You two will definitely become friends someday."
She's too…
"It's such a shame I can't show you how beautiful today is. But don't worry. I picked these flowers for you. I'll dry them later—at least you'll be able to smell them."
She talks too much…
Never giving me space to stay in silence.
"Etral said your sense of smell is very sharp. So… I hope this can help you forget some of your bad memories," she said.
Even if she's noisy…
For some reason—she always manages to disrupt my thoughts…
And yet, I still can't bring myself to hate her. Because her voice stays with me. Giving me strength—
Even though…
I still can't open my eyes.
——
Days passed—one after another.
Before I realized it—I began waiting for her.
And without control—I began depending on her.
Waiting for her voice. Wanting her presence.
Her scent. Her warmth.
I want her. I want to have her…
For myself.
If this is what warmth feels like—Then I won't share it with anyone.Even if that means…Becoming the reason she cannot leave.
Or… never wants to leave.
Truly—
How greedy I've become. I can't imagine what will happen… when I finally open my eyes.
If she finds out—About this obsessive, possessive side of me…
Will she hate me?
But whatever her reaction is—I've already decided.
When I open my eyes—
Every inch of her…I will carve into my memory. Into my mind. Into my heart.
I will remember her—
Forever.
Even if one day…She tries to forget me. Because if that happens…
I don't know what I'll do.
And maybe…
I don't want to know.