—Rurika—
Ah… Etral has returned.
From afar, I saw it appear between the trees. Not footsteps—rather, a streak of white light darting between the dark trunks, moving faster than usual.
Normally, it is calm. Floating gently.
But now—
Its light trembled faintly, unstable. As if something were forcing it to move faster than its natural rhythm.
It was truly rushing toward me.
The thin light surrounding Etral unraveled into small fragments. They flickered, then rejoined like uneven breaths. At times, its glow dimmed for a fraction of a second—then brightened again.
As if it were holding something back…or on the verge of losing control.
Around it, several objects were being carried along. Medicinal herbs, bandages, and other tools—bound by thin threads of light extending from Etral's body.
Some of them swayed wildly—
Almost slipping free—
But were pulled back again, as if restrained by its own will.
It stopped right in front of me. Etral's light tightened for a moment—then shrank slightly. As if suppressing something.
Without greeting. Without asking how I was.
"You're not in love with him, are you?" Etral pulsed once— quickly, before stabilizing again.
"…?" I fell silent. The question felt unfamiliar to me.
"Hm… I'm only concerned you might be swayed by the charm of a handsome young man." As Etral spoke, its light rotated slowly—unlike usual. More constricted. More restless.
As if the space around it had narrowed along with it. [Your late mother was captivated by your father's looks.]
"…And on top of that, you were raised by Sarona, who… has a tendency to favor handsome men," Etral muttered. Its glow dimmed for a brief moment. Not from lack of energy—
But as if…holding something back. A pause lingered from Etral.
I remained silent.
My chest felt tight.
Not because I understood—
But because something from it…flowed into me. Faint yet heavy. Like the shadow of a feeling that wasn't mine—something I could feel…without fully understanding it.
I lowered my gaze, looking at the young man on my lap. My fingers, without realizing it, gently brushed his black hair aside—slowly. Carefully.
"This young man… reminds me of Shouka," I said softly.
"Oh, I see…" Hearing that, Etral's light expanded slightly, returning to a stable state.
"So you see him as that ugly insect-eating dog…" Etral's tone sounded relieved—
and its light grew warmer, pulsing lightly.
"Falling in love will only bring disaster to you…" But then the light around its body changed again. Dimmer no longer trembling—just sinking.
"…like your mother." Etral whispered.
This time...
I couldn't clearly catch Etral's words. But because we were bound, its feelings flowed into me—without needing to be spoken.
A deep sadness…like something that had never truly faded.
My chest tightened again. Not because I understood…but because I could feel it. We were connected.
—
Etral then placed everything it had brought onto the ground. Its movements returned to normal—calm and composed.
I immediately moved. My hands began to work on their own—as if they already knew what to do.
I took the medicinal plants one by one. Cleaning away the dirt. Separating the usable parts. Slicing the stems. Crushing the leaves.
Some I heated. Some I froze. Others I compressed into a thick paste. And some I liquefied—until they became a clear fluid with a sharp scent.
Each step felt natural. Like something long embedded within me. Not merely remembered—but it had already become a part of me.
The plants slowly changed. From something wild and unrefined—into remedies. Into medicine. Into something that could save a life.
Etral watched me in silence. It looked at me as if seeing something new, even though it had seen me do this many times before.
"Sarona is not a good example of an adult…" it muttered. Its tone was flat, but not cold.
"However, I admit… the skills she taught you are very useful." Etral's light pulsed softly. Steady—yet not entirely calm. It paused for a moment. I continued working. Without stopping.
"Because you—who can heal others…" Etral spoke again. There was a slight hesitation. Its light thinned—as if the next words were being pulled out against its will. "…cannot heal yourself."
My hands stopped. Just for a moment. My fingertips still touched the crushed leaves—
but they didn't move. As if held back by something unseen.
But I didn't respond. Because this was a secret between the two of us. Even Aunt didn't know.
I simply… continued again. As usual. As if nothing had happened. My movements remained the same—though slightly slower than before.
I took the prepared remedy. A clear liquid with a sharp scent. My hand hesitated slightly—
Then I began applying it to the young man's wounds. Slowly, and as thinly as possible. His skin was cold. Too cold for someone still breathing.
Some of his wounds reacted—his muscles tensed faintly. As if holding back a pain he could not express.
A bit of dark fluid seeped from the edges of the wounds—then stopped…as the medicine was absorbed.
I paused for a moment.
"…It's alright," I whispered softly. I wasn't sure if it was for him—or for myself.
My hands moved again. More carefully than before. As if even the slightest roughness—would cause him to truly break.
Etral was still watching me. Longer than usual.Its light did not move much. It only pulsed faintly—
As if waiting for something that never came.
As if it had just realized something.
That healing—
Does not always have to come from magic.
There are other ways.
Slower. More complicated. But… more real.
A human way.
And I—
Chose to continue doing it that way.
Even though we are bound—
There are still many things about Etral that I do not understand.Its feelings. Its thoughts. The way it sees the world.
Like now—
It suddenly became subdued. Without a reason I could reach. It is often like this.
And I—
have never truly been able to read it.
—
The only thing I can do—
Is one thing.
To do what I can. With all my heart.
Just like what Aunt always taught me.
Aunt once said—do not force feelings that are not truly there.
If you want to smile…then smile.
If you want to cry…do not hold it back. Feelings that are buried for too long…
Will rot on their own.
I cannot always do it right.
Often I hesitate. Often I make mistakes.
Sometimes, I do not even know…
What I truly feel. But at the very least—
I do not want to pretend.
If I am afraid…I will say it.
If I am hurt…I will ask for help. Even if it is difficult. Even if it is not perfect.
And if I choose to help someone—I want to do it with all my heart. Not halfway. Not because I have to. But because…I truly want to.
Slowly…
I begin to understand, little by little.
Like now.
My hands continue to move, preparing the medicine. The breathing of the person lying before me is still weak. There is hope. There is always hope.
And that… is enough.
But—
Etral, beside me, moved slightly. Not like before. More hesitant. More careful.
"Rurika…" Etral's voice sounded lower than usual. As if weighing something.
I did not stop my hands.
"If he… survives…" Etral made a small turn. Unsteady. "…do you intend to take him there?"
My hands stopped.
Just for a moment.
—
I did not answer right away.
My hands began to move again. Slowly. Silently.
—
And yet—
The question remained.
—
My hands did not stop.
I simply…continued. Like always.
—
Even if I do not understand everything yet—
I will keep moving forward. So—I will keep trying. Living day by day.
Understanding one thing at a time. In my own way. With my own steps.
Even if I am slow—
I will make it.