I found myself spacing out more often these days. It was because I kept thinking about the conversation I had with the Professor last time.
It was a Monday in mid-May. During the Professor's lecture, he briefly went off-topic. Perhaps because the students seemed bored with that part, he tried to change the mood with different content.
Since it wasn't anything important, Iris, who was sitting next to me, started talking to me.
"Urr."
"Hmm?"
After blinking once, I looked toward Iris, who subtly pointed her finger as if telling me to look.
Following her finger, I saw that boy who had been angry with me before. A male student with slightly dull white hair. Wondering what this was about, I looked back at Iris, who whispered the reason.
"That guy, remember I told you he does crypto? Well, apparently he does it because his home disappeared and that's all he can do now."
"Huh?"
Was she trying to tell me something she'd heard somewhere?
When I first met him, I was taken aback by his hostility, but now I didn't feel much about it.
I know not everyone can love me. I know not everyone can like me. I've learned that some might even hate me beyond indifference.
I had wondered, "Why should I be hated just for being the same species?" But I also understood that if 99 out of 100 people show such behavior, it's human nature to think the same about the remaining one.
So I had let it go, but hearing that his home had disappeared made me feel sorry for him.
"There was a time when a Demon God went on a rampage, and his family and home vanished. The support money isn't enough, so he's doing crypto to get by."
It was because of a Demon God again.
It had thrown someone's life into an abyss.
I couldn't even say it was bad luck. I could only lament how cruel the world could be.
Though it wasn't me who did it, I couldn't help but feel sorry hearing about it.
"I see."
Still, I had no intention of showing my emotions. If I approached him with pity, he might beat me up saying, "It's because of creatures like you," so I decided not to approach him.
Just that much.
I neither pity nor sympathize. I just understand why he holds hostile feelings toward me, but I think it would be counterproductive to approach or try to soothe his heart.
"By the way, did you enjoy the festival, Urr?"
"Yes. I ate a lot of delicious food. How about you, Iris?"
"I stayed home on the festival day because it was bothersome. It's a day you don't have to come out anyway."
Iris's skin looked soft and glowing, as if she had truly rested well. She must have eaten and slept well.
I looked at Iris's face with an "oh" of admiration. Iris stretched slightly to loosen her stiff body. She extended her arms forward while sitting in her chair and shuddered.
"Ahh."
As I stared at Iris making a refreshed expression, I recalled the festival day and spoke with a regretful voice.
"Come to think of it, don't you do any clubs, Iris?"
"Hmm, I don't really have anything I want to do."
"What about studying? I'm in a Study Group."
Before, I would have hesitated to ask, worried it might seem like I was pushing too hard, but now it was different.
Whether my thought process had changed or not, I found myself speaking with a "take it or leave it" mindset.
Iris made a small sound after hearing me. She just blinked while remaining still, looking like someone deep in thought. I tried to read her expression, curious whether her answer would be positive or negative, feeling slightly anxious.
Since she was so still, there was no change in her expression, so I failed to read it.
"A Study Group isn't bad, but I don't think I'd like it that much. I prefer studying in a free atmosphere. I don't want to study in such a stuffy environment..."
I thought people really do have strong individuality.
There was Sera, who could show frightening concentration once she started focusing despite playing well.
There was Aria, who studied quietly but occasionally played pranks.
And Karen, who approached studying seriously from the beginning.
Iris was different—she didn't seem too concerned about academics or grades, preferring to concentrate in a comfortable posture and atmosphere. Anyone might want that, but I found it impressive how she tried to keep herself comfortable.
I started studying out of survival instinct except for things that interested me, but everyone else seemed to have something they were passionate about, which looked cool.
Having your own way is important, yes.
"Well, can't be helped then."
"Sorry, sorry."
"No, it's fine. It's just a place to study anyway."
I was surprised when Iris apologized for something that didn't need an apology. Only after shaking my head and hands could we finally stop apologizing to each other.
As the Professor returned to the main lecture, Iris seemed to realize she should be taking notes and started writing in her notebook again.
The birth principles of Demon Gods. When I first heard about it, there were many fascinating stories, but now it had moved on to profound environmental issues and the flow of the world, making it difficult to understand.
Mana condensation and such—it was too difficult, so I decided to move on.
"How was it today, Urr?"
After the second-year lecture ended, the Professor approached and asked me.
"It was difficult."
"Really? I guess it's still challenging for you, Urr."
"I think I enjoyed the stories I heard at the beginning."
The Professor laughed, saying that could be the case.
"Then shall I tell you an interesting story?"
"Yes, please. Oh, Iris, see you later. Work hard today."
Before leaving the classroom, I waved goodbye to Iris. She waved back at me the same way.
On the way to the laboratory.
The Professor told me about Demon Gods.
"Interestingly, Demon Gods acquire different characteristics depending on the situation. But research has shown that Demon Gods born in the same terrain or region aren't all the same. So how are their characteristics determined? It's not like they're influenced by genes."
We walked side by side down the corridor.
The Professor added more explanation, wiggling his finger, saying it was an interesting story.
"Since they don't have parents, it makes sense that they're influenced by the surrounding Mana when they form, right? Could they be affected by seasons or weather? It makes you think about such small details."
"Professor."
"Yes?"
"Then how are the ways of living long divided? One might want to live long without doing anything."
The Professor talked about various things with interest, perhaps because it was his field of expertise. So I asked something I was curious about.
I get younger every time I die, and living eternally this way seemed painful, so I wanted to find another method.
No, there might not be another way. With a fixed body state, what more could be changed? Just as you can't suddenly stretch a short person to make them taller, it might already be fixed.
I decided to ask out of pure curiosity, giving up on expectations. The Professor was silent for a moment before smiling broadly.
He patted my head.
"My, our Urr has been thinking seriously! I've thought about that too, but it's difficult to confirm. Abilities vary greatly, so I wonder if they change with just slight differences in oxygen or Mana concentration, but finding criteria for classifying ways of immortality is even more ambiguous."
"Really? I thought it would be easier if you could classify it."
"Sometimes it's harder to distinguish when things are loosely grouped together. If you put chocolate and tires together, you'd wonder what kind of combination that is, right?"
With that analogy, I found myself nodding.
Chocolate and tires. It was interesting how he suddenly came up with such a comparison. Was it because he was in a teaching position? Or was it a natural analogy gained through his own research?
Either way, it made me think. Chocolate and tires.
You can't judge based on whether they're edible, and melting when heated? That seems applicable to many things.
Could there be a truth that's difficult to approach with human common sense? If so, it might really make my head spin.
"Urr, I'm sorry if I'm pushing you too hard."
The Professor's low voice tickled my ear as we walked down the corridor.
I looked up at him with wide eyes, and he patted my head once before continuing.
"I'll wait until you say you're okay."
Eventually, there will come a time when I can't be around people anymore, even if I don't say I'm okay, so why drag it out?
If anything, I wanted to expedite it for the Professor's peace of mind. I didn't want him to keep seeing me suffering, so I shook my head.
"I'm okay now."
The Professor's footsteps stopped right there.
Standing beside him, I met his gaze and raised the corners of my mouth.
Smiling with a "hee," the Professor nodded and kept patting my head.