I said I was fine with dying right now. I knew that dragging things out would only make our hearts heavier.
But the professor seemed to find it difficult to deal with me directly, so he suggested we take some time to think, and I agreed. After all, the professor had helped me find my place among people, and I didn't want to burden his heart.
It was my own way of being considerate.
"...Hmm."
May was already passing by. Finals would be coming soon, and I was wondering what to do until then.
Now that the festival was over, would there be any fun events?
"How about the beach?"
While I was thinking, Sera suddenly poked her head in. I blinked in surprise.
"The beach...?"
The four of us who had gathered in the Study Group's side room began to seriously discuss it.
Sera was the most enthusiastic among us.
"Summer means beaches! Playing on the sand, you know? Swimming in the sea, doing all sorts of fun things. Right? I heard beach volleyball is fun too..."
"Jet skiing?"
"That would be fun too."
When Aria added a comment, Sera nodded and pointed at her with her finger. They seemed to have already thought about this.
Karen and I just blinked with blank expressions.
They appeared to be planning for after the semester ended, since there wasn't much to do in response to my question about what to do next.
"We could rent a pension and have a barbecue. What do you think, Karen?"
"Ah... I'm not sure. I don't know if I'll be free then..."
"Huh? You have something to do even after the semester ends? Are you taking summer classes...?"
Sera looked at Karen with disbelief. Karen shook her head vigorously.
"No, not that. I'm thinking of getting a part-time job."
Sera froze at Karen's awkward laugh.
Whatever the reason, saying she needed a part-time job was enough to suggest she needed money, either for living expenses or pocket money.
Sera made a thoughtful sound, then nodded.
"If you need a part-time job, how about working somewhere I know? I know a cafe owner, I could ask if they have an opening?"
"Oh, no! I don't know much about cafes...!"
Karen waved her hands.
Aria glanced at Sera and sighed.
"Why, why that reaction?"
"Nothing."
Aria shook her head at Sera's question and shrugged it off as if it were nothing. Only Aria seemed to know what she was thinking.
My thoughts were becoming jumbled.
I had to think about dying, about the professor, and now about going to the beach—it certainly wasn't easy.
Was it always this difficult?
With nowhere to vent my frustrations, I just accepted it. It couldn't be helped. Just as I couldn't only do things I liked, or avoid everything I disliked, I couldn't speak all the words that made me suffer inside.
Because I was a Demon God. That's how I got through it.
The beach, huh.
"What else would we do at the beach?"
When I asked casually, Aria looked at me. Karen was flustered, saying, "Huh? If Urr goes, will the professor go too?" And Sera, who didn't seem to mind either way, slapped the table and stood up.
"First thing when we get there is eating sashimi! Seafood!"
Although finals were coming up, it wasn't urgently pressing yet, so only pleasant conversations emerged. The atmosphere seemed to lift, and I found myself getting excited too.
**
Numbers changing at regular intervals. It didn't even require much time. I couldn't take my eyes off the screen as the numbers changed every 10 seconds.
I had put in 10,000 Rill. It was a heart-pounding amount to spend all at once, but I had to do it.
I had safely diversified my investments, so even if I lost a large sum at once, I could find hope elsewhere.
I constantly checked five different places with 2,000 Rill each. They went up and down repeatedly. Even if they dropped a little, there was a chance they'd recover as long as they didn't plummet.
Even when they rose, I couldn't be satisfied, thinking just a little more, just a little more. And so I kept waiting.
It felt addictive. The constantly changing numbers seemed to circle in my head, making normal daily life impossible. But I had no choice. This was all I had left.
This was all I had left.
My family who had to die because of a Demon God's whim. My home that had to disappear due to a Demon God's tyranny. Nothing remained except compensation money.
Even with this money, my family wouldn't come back—who would heal this pain?
After visiting a psychiatric hospital, money disappeared, and as time passed, more money gradually vanished from going to school and eating meals.
It was so painful that I eventually ended up here.
I knew my mind was sick. But what could I do? This was all I had left.
It was difficult to get compensation for my collapsed house, so I only received a pittance. Because of that, I was left with just this small amount of money, and nowhere to call home.
When I realized I was clutching my phone and clinging to these numbers, I felt self-loathing.
"Damn it, damn it...!"
But cryptocurrency wasn't stable.
Unlike stocks that close weekly, they weren't affected by companies but rather by people's whims or the actions of those moving large sums of money.
I knew that.
Even knowing it, I thought I could ride the wave and profit, but I never expected such a disaster to happen while I was sleeping, and it made me want to cry tears of blood.
"Ah, what is this."
I thought I was fortunate to have diversified my investments. But there was nothing fortunate about it. Two coins suddenly started bottoming out. I didn't know it, but apparently they had the same owner.
As soon as I woke up, I searched for the coins I had invested in.
['Rend Coin' founder Lagris disappears. 15 million Rill vanishes instantly. Police investigation begins.]
Is this insane? How could someone take the money and disappear overnight? Did he flee to another country? Can't they catch him?
That wasn't the issue. Half of my entire savings of 10,000 Rill had vanished overnight. I couldn't bear it and pulled at my hair.
What is this from the morning? Where did all my money go?
"Aaaaargh!"
I lost my mind for a moment. I swept everything off my dormitory desk in a fit of rage. Books and handouts fell, and a mug that was there shattered into pieces.
I was breathing heavily. Unable to control my excitement, I clenched my fists tightly.
It's all because of Demon Gods from the beginning. Why do Demon Gods exist in this world? Weren't Elves and Dwarves already more than enough?
Why, why do Demon Gods have to exist?
Despite two years of education about Demon Gods at the Academy, I still didn't understand how they came to be or why they needed to exist. The predominant thought was: why should such beings exist?
I was furious.
Even while recognizing that I lost money because I invested in cryptocurrency, somehow my anger was directed at Demon Gods.
If it weren't for Demon Gods, if such beings didn't exist, this wouldn't have happened—that thought kept circling in my mind.
My agitated emotions wouldn't calm down. My shoulders trembled. I sighed and gritted my teeth.
No, I still have half left. It's not over yet. I just need to manage the remaining money well. I lost half, so I just need to earn that much back.
I tried to endure, endure, and endure more.
But as time passed, there was no hope that the money would increase. Some coins apparently rose from 1 Rill to 10 Rill, even 100 Rill in an instant, but for some reason, that didn't happen with the ones I invested in.
I grew anxious. I bit my nails and shook my legs. I tried moving my investments around, but each time I did, it happened to be when they hit bottom, so I only lost money without gaining anything.
It gradually eroded away.
Moving investments unnecessarily cost me 400 Rill, 100 Rill, and bit by bit, my entire savings became less than 5,000 Rill? No, not even 3,000 Rill.
I realized this is how people go crazy. The substantial amount I once had in my possession had become an amount that wouldn't last even a few months.
My trembling emotions eventually led me to one place.
"..."
I browsed through the miscellaneous items at 1 Rill Mart. And there, I bought a kitchen knife.
I wanted to die. I wanted to die, but I also wanted to kill someone just as much. If it weren't for Demon Gods, my life wouldn't have become this miserable.
I would have had a home to return to, and I wouldn't have been anxious over a few coins. If I could go back, my parents would surely welcome me, and my sister would secretly eat my ice cream and pretend she didn't...!
My life of constant loss felt so shabby and miserable that I desperately wanted to make the responsible party feel the same emotion.
Unfortunately, the person with the job title "Demon God Slayer" had already killed the Demon God who murdered my family, but I didn't care anymore. As long as I could kill a Demon God.
I gritted my teeth with that thought.