I'd hoped for it, but I hadn't expected it.
To be told to join the main squad training.
Had I really done that well?
Well, I certainly hadn't done poorly.
I'd moved actively to stand out as much as possible, and I'd even scored two goals.
Still, I hadn't thought I'd be called up this quickly.
When was the last time I trained with the main squad?
It felt like it had already been several months.
My heart was pounding.
"Hoo."
I calmed my racing heart and headed to the next training field.
Normally I would have found this situation incredibly burdensome, but given the circumstances, my excitement outweighed the pressure.
Was an opportunity finally coming my way?
"Um, Manager."
"Oh, yes. Ji-an."
I approached the manager of our U17 team, Manager Tony, and he greeted me somewhat awkwardly.
Manager-nim and I hadn't had many long conversations, so things were a bit awkward between us.
Though honestly, it was like that with everyone on the team.
Manager-nim placed his hand on my shoulder and said.
"Sorry for calling you so suddenly."
"It's fine."
"The team without vests. You'll be playing in the Second Forward position."
"Yes."
"Nothing special. Just play however you want. Understood?"
"Understood."
"Good. Stand by for a moment."
Perhaps conscious of my Italian level, Manager gave me instructions in a carefully enunciated tone.
The same role, nothing different.
But the main squad was definitely different from the reserve group.
Some of these kids had even participated in first team training before.
So I couldn't take this lightly.
"Forward!"
"Mark him! He's cutting inside!"
I stood by at the touch line for a moment, observing the main squad's practice match.
Meanwhile, I ran simulations in my head.
If I was the Second Forward on the team without vests...
Number 13. What was that guy's name again?
Ah, right. Gino.
If I were to take Gino's place.
I simulated in my head how I would play.
The first thing I needed to think about was why I was going in to replace Gino.
In other words, I needed to understand the manager's intentions for taking Gino out and putting me in.
To do that, I needed to compare Gino and myself.
Gino was... from what I remembered, a similar type of player to me. Not physically dominant, but with good dribbling, passing, and penetration.
Of course, we only shared the same style—Gino was probably the upgraded version of me.
That was why Gino was on the main squad and I was on the reserves.
Anyway, in a case like this, it wasn't particularly difficult.
When substituting between players of similar types, there was only one reason.
Stamina issues.
I was simply Gino's backup battery.
So I just needed to perform Gino's role exactly as he had.
Nothing difficult about it.
However... there was one thing that bothered me.
The thing was, Gino was struggling.
The pressure on Gino was quite intense.
Even when he didn't have the ball, a marker was stuck to him, and the moment the ball went to Gino, at least two players would swarm him.
There was no way contesting for the ball was easy in that situation, so Gino's turnovers were piling up.
As a result, the frequency of passes going to Gino was decreasing.
If I were in that situation... I'd probably start by using the field more widely to find a solution.
Meaning, I'd need to drag the marker around with me.
Assigning a dedicated marker meant the defense was also committing one player.
If Gino didn't just stay in place but moved out to the sides or dropped back to midfield.
The marker would have to leave his position too, inevitably creating empty space there.
By disrupting the defense like that, we could break this pattern... or at least that was my thinking.
But Gino seemed to think differently—he showed no such movement.
He probably thought he could shake off the marker through skill.
There was no way Gino wouldn't know what even I knew.
"Ji-an, are you ready?"
"Oh, yes."
"Gino doesn't seem to be in great physical condition. So I'm letting him rest—you don't need to feel any pressure."
"Ah... yes."
"Just play however you want."
"Understood."
After saying that, The Manager cupped his hands around his mouth to call Gino off.
At the call, Gino walked off slowly, and I ran past him toward my position.
As I ran, I suddenly realized just how nervous I'd been.
When I thought about it, this was just an ordinary practice match for the main squad kids.
Yet I'd been analyzing it alone as seriously as if it were an actual competitive match.
For some reason, I found that version of myself a bit ridiculous.
But, in any case.
It was true that this moment was an important opportunity for me.
So what if I was being a bit serious by myself?
It was better than being utterly humiliated in front of Ji-woo.
Bweeeeeng-!
The match resumed with the opponent's goal kick.
And I started jogging lightly, putting my faith in the power of desperation.
*
What I needed right now was to play beyond my abilities. The field I was standing on wasn't some reserve group mini game. This was a main squad practice match.
I couldn't dream of outperforming Gino and taking his starting spot, but at minimum, I needed to show that I could fill in for Gino's role in an emergency.
That way, I could at least get a seat on the bench.
To do that, rather than getting greedy for things I couldn't do, I needed to focus on what I could do.
Paaang-
Paaang-!
Our team was circulating the ball in the back.
The opposing defenders were standing in tight formation, so openings for forward passes weren't easy to find.
Thanks to that, only lateral passes and back passes were being connected.
To those watching from outside, this scene would just look tedious, but it was different from the inside.
This was when the most intense mind games took place.
Especially for someone like me.
Because when the back line couldn't advance, it wasn't necessarily the fault of the players in the back.
More often, the problem lay with the second-line players who were supposed to receive the forward passes.
After all, you had to be in a position where a pass could be made before there could even be a choice to pass forward or not.
Therefore, if I couldn't find a way through, this situation would remain deadlocked.
And on top of that, I was the add-on.
If there was a problem with the second-line players' movement, was it more likely to be the fault of the regular starters, or the fault of me, the add-on?
Obviously the second one.
Even if that wasn't actually the case, it would be easy to 'perceive' it that way.
In short, every time another lateral pass or back pass was made, I was the one getting the most anxious.
I needed to find the right position as quickly as possible, even one second faster, and be standing there.
Being close to the right position wasn't enough.
As a reserve player, I could only afford to pick the exact right answer.
One fortunate thing was that I'd already done some of the problem-solving in my head while watching the match from outside.
For now, dragging this marker stuck on me around to open up space—that was where the solution began.
Tatatatat-!
I boldly abandoned the forward zone and dropped back to midfield. As I did, I glanced behind me and saw the marker following.
He seemed to hesitate slightly, as if wondering whether he really had to man-mark someone like me instead of Gino.
But I paid no attention and kept dropping back, positioning myself among our midfielders.
Alright, I'd pulled a defender down with me, so I'd created one space in the opposing half.
Now someone needed to exploit that space...
"Space! Get in!"
This was the main squad for you.
Without me having to say anything, I saw a midfielder next to me take off running toward the front.
From here on, it was like a puzzle game.
Since they couldn't leave someone running into empty space alone, someone would move.
Then the original position that 'someone' had been guarding would become empty again, and one of our players would gobble up that spot.
As this chain of linked movements continued, gaps would inevitably form.
But the important thing wasn't predicting that gaps would form—it was predicting where those gaps would appear.
I kept moving and constantly surveyed my surroundings. At the same time, I moved chess pieces around in my head, running simulations.
Running those simulations... the moment I finally finished my calculations.
Tatatatat-!
I ran toward the left half space.
If my calculations were correct, the position that would end up being free was the left zone.
And for the ball to be delivered into that space, it would have to go through the left side of midfield.
That was why I was running left.
If my calculations weren't wrong, the ball would come this way.
Had I picked the right answer?
Paaaang-!
It was coming.
The ball was coming.
Finally, the forward pass came out, and it was heading toward me.
I'd gotten the answer right, for now.
But it was too early to celebrate.
I still had the duty to deliver the ball quickly and accurately to the final target.
Having been facing toward the pass's origin—in other words, toward our own goal—
Bweeeeeng-!
I struck the ball with a non-stop redirect.
A piercing pass toward the left side.
Since I'd already finished my calculations, and the marker was still following behind me.
There was no time to control and then pass.
Shwoooosh-
My pass stretched out to the left.
I didn't even have time to admire that pass before I was running again.
Just because I'd connected a pass didn't mean my job was done.
I was an attacker through and through. I had to keep pushing toward the box until the very end.
But since I wasn't particularly strong in the air, I needed to run to a position where I could receive a cutback.
"Hoo, hoo!"
I gritted my teeth and ran, exhaling heavily.
Honestly, my legs weren't doing what I wanted.
My terrible stamina was a problem, but on top of that, I felt dizzy—maybe because I'd used my brain too much in such a short time.
But I could keep running.
First of all,
Paaang-!
The fact that my pass had arrived exactly where it needed to, creating a wide-open chance—that gave me strength.
And more than anything... the fear that if I stopped here, all the lies I'd told Ji-woo might be exposed—that fear was what made my legs move.
Honestly.
Lies really are terrifying after all.