Once Tao Hua reached his wardrobe, he pressed his hand against the door and took one final glance at Shan Si.
But Shan Si had long since ignored him, and for once, this intruder felt still. Like water, with his white eyes focused intently on the inner courtyard humming with the nightly song of crickets and a light breeze.
He had his hand against the windowsill, and his other on the hilt of his sword. Whatever was on his mind, Tao Hua assumed it was best to leave him to his thoughts.
But also, he didn't want to mess with the conflicted expression on his face. Scary.
Tracing along the pearl pattern of the door, and with a wrinkle on his forehead, he pondered the situation. Shouldn't I be scared? I don't really feel scared…Intimidated, maybe.
Tao Hua looked down at the floor, as if trying to find Shan Si's shadow. It was useless. Regardless, he still tried.
He then thought back to his conversation with Gui Chang and the books given to him by his father. Then, he thought about the books gifted to him.
Even if he didn't look like it, Tao Hua struggled to comprehend this. In fact, it's not like this man physically hurt him in any way—well, not in any meaningful way.
That was all Tao Hua in the act of his traumatized clumsiness.
But then again, it also wasn't and idea situation, but that was competing with his day-to-day life. So which of the two was the problem here?
And it's not like Shan Si tried to kill him.
Er, well, he didn't know that. But he could assume.
Tao Hua's view left the floor and moved to his bandaged hand once more. If he were to do that…then he'd just do it, right? Why would a deranged lunatic really patch up their victim?
A few taps sounded against the pearl door the deeper Tao Hua fell into his thoughts.
I mean, even if he lives in some creepy place with bats and ghosts and funny looking dogs, or whatever someone like him probably lives in…is it really so bad? My life right now...it could be worse.
Tao Hua shook his head and reached for the handle. Too many absurdities and not nearly enough interior to answer.
I'm being ridiculous—this situation is bad no matter how I look at it. But still…
Stopping one last time, he took one last look at his hand. It only confused him further, so he shrugged it off and swung open the wardrobe. There was no point in wasting more of this already testy man's time.
What Shan Si was doing was fucked regardless of how Tao Hua tried to reimagine it. That was the only answer he needed.
He bent into it, reaching for a few robes—not much, maybe two or three. Tao Hua didn't really care much for clothing, so they all looked the same and served the basic purpose of practicality: protecting him from the cold and making him comfortable.
Once he'd jumbled them up in his arms, he turned and tossed them onto his bed, nearly flailing at just how heavy they were. None of them were neatly packed—Tao Hua wasn't a tidy person by any means.
So, he just tossed whatever else onto that ever-growing pile, all while being closely watched by the man behind him.
The room fell into an awkward silence as Tao Hua gathered his stuff. He felt more and more uncomfortable the longer it stayed that way, making his movements all the more clumsy, and each time Tao Hua would hit something or stub his toe, he'd break a sweat at the sound of Shan Si's shoe tapping.
Tao Hua also wasn't very good at remaining silent.
Well, he didn't have many talents that weren't related to literature.
After more than the granted time, Tao Hua huffed over to Shan Si with a pile in his hands, and at the top of that pile, the books.
Shan Si stared down at him, and then at the bundle of robes in his hands, and finally the books. He picked one up, reading the cover. "This is it?"
"…should I bring more?"
"No," he said, tossing it aside. "Don't bother."
The book slammed against the wall, and with a jerk toward it, Tao Hua's heart nearly leaped out of his chest. He was just about to drop everything and run for the book when his arm was tightly gripped. His hand was frozen in the air, and his fingers twitched, longing for the book that was now in awful shape.
"That'll just slow us down," said Shan Si, tugging Tao Hua away from the wall. He looked down at Tao Hua's pile, clearly displeased as his other hand picked up part of the blue fabric. Rubbing it between his fingers, he said, "I told you to pack something warm. None of this is warm."
At this rate, he was starting to assume this man couldn't tell left from right.
It was summer. Tao Hua couldn't possibly understand why he needed warm clothes. That, and Zhonglai rarely ever fell below freezing, being more situated south.
So, Tao Hua, nor anyone in Siyue Town, had clothes suited for the North. Just how far were they going?
"I don't get it," he said, frustrated, as if not speaking to the very person who was abducting him. "Can't you tell me why you're even taking me in the first place? I did as you told…"
He wanted to add, "I need something to work with," but his courage wasn't yet enough to talk back to this tall and scowling man.
"No, you didn't," said Shan Si, dropping the fabric. "If you did, you'd pack something warm. Does this look warm to you?"
"…" Gritting his teeth, Tao Hua looked back at the book with an expression of hurt, almost pouting. "It's not that. What I mean is—um…is there any reason you want me to go with you?"
Quietly, and almost apologetically, Tao Hua made an attempt to make himself seem small upon asking that question. He curled his arm tightly around the clothes and sunk into his shoulders the longer Shan Si just stared at him. "…sorry."
More awkward silence. It made Tao Hua feel as though he was being wrongly judged. But that would break the moment the entire atmosphere in the room shifted with Shan Si's demeanour, as if he were controlling it.
And what happened next happened so quickly, it could have easily defined the word whiplash.
This tall and intimidating man slapped the clothes in Tao Hua's hand and shoved them to the ground, the books following behind.
Flinching, Tao Hua was yanked before he could even react, forced to be only a few centimetres from Shan Si's face.
"Was it not already obvious?" he said with that familiar smirk, the one Tao Hua had first met in The Bookstore. "Apparently I'm not as articulate as I thought."
Tao Hua's eyes widened. He wasn't sure if it was through complete and utter shock, or embarrassment of his own contradictory feelings. He tried to pull back, but the man just dragged him in until the two were sharing the heat of their breath.
Two different types—one nearly ecstatic, and the other flustered.
"I need you," said Shan Si, twisting his head slowly. His lips curled more and more with each word, just as Tao Hua, stunned, watched as his pale eyes finally lit. "Do you know why I need you, Tao Hua?"
Without a word, and perhaps nearly losing his breath, Tao Hua slowly shook his head.
Shan Si pulled him closer, his eyes nearly going crescent with enjoyment. "You're going to tell me exactly where the relic is here in Siyue Town."
Tao Hua tried to squeeze out an objection, one that showed he had no idea what Shan Si was talking about. But he could only mutter a few questionable noises.
"And if you don't, I'll make you." Shan Si lifted Tao Hua up a bit, forcing him onto the tips of his toes. "If you don't know, then I guess you'll just have to try to figure it out."
Tao Hua swallowed whatever the fuck he had in that dry mouth. He wanted to pull back, but every attempt to control his body fell victim to his own goddamn hypocrisy.
And that was competing with this man's mood swings.
But Shan Si's next words would send sweat down his back and force him to halt.
"Much better than being killed. Right, Tao Hua?"
Chapter end.