"So, do you have any open rooms?"
I asked as I averted my eyes from the system in favor of getting more glimpses of the beauty in front of me.
The woman working was slender with wide hips. Her clothes left little to the imagination, and it looked like a simple tug could rip the fabric.
Her fire-red hair fell near the center of her back, covering the exposed skin on her neck.
Her body twisted in a blur, replacing my view with what someone would describe as the perfect rack. On top of her rocking figure, her proportions were almost elegant. All of it was neatly tucked into a thin lace dress, and it hugged her in the right spots like the world had put it there with purpose.
"Depends… can you open this, or were you joking?" she said as she handed me a jar of what appeared to be very large pickles. "I can't get the damn jar open… if I try any more, I'm throwing the fucking thing." She let out a laugh after the handoff.
"I did offer… let's see." I dinged the lid off the wooden countertop before trying to turn it. "I've had this problem before… that usually helps."
*POP*
The cap on the jar slid open, letting the air in. I handed the jar back to the woman working, hoping my good deed had landed me some brownie points.
"At least act like it was hard… I've been working on that since we opened," she explained, letting out a sigh as she pulled one of the large pickles out.
"The people here love these things… they look too funny to me, though."
I watched as she swung the pickle around like a kid playing with their food. With a quiet crunch, the top half of the pickle broke off, the momentum from the woman swinging it carrying with force and smacking me square in the forehead.
"Oh shit- I am so sorry. Hold on, I'll grab a towel or something…" she said, rustling around behind the counter as bowls and cups rolled out and hit the ground. "I swear we fucking had one here a minute ago… where did I put it?"
The dick shaped panel vanished as soon as the pickle smacked me, the moment replaying in my head in slow motion. On the second mental replay, I burst into an uncontrollable laughter that lasted long enough it made my stomach hurt.
"You don't have to worry about it… really, if anything it was one of the funniest things thats ever happened to me hahaha…"
Letting a few more chuckles out before using my shirt to wipe my face. "They smell good… gimme one,"
"Say please… and I'll think about it," She said, starting to laugh at herself. "So for rooms we have a few downstairs and a few upstairs,"
She directed my attention to the staircase behind me. "The rooms upstairs are nicer but more expensive… depending on how much coin you have, I'll see if we have an opening."
Grabbing a few gold coins from the pouch the perverted god had given me, I handed them to her. She grabbed them out of my hands before they could cross the counter, placing one coin in her mouth and biting down.
"Holy shit… these are real…" She took the coins and tapped them against the hardwood producing a loud metallic clink. "How do you have so much money? You don't look like a commoner but your clothes don't scream royalty either…"
I watched as she continued to rub the coins together.
"Ehhh… my family died and that's… that's all they left me," I said, thinking of things on the spot showing to not be one of my skills. "I'm new in the area, is that enough to cover the week stay?"
Once I finished my question she stilled completely, moments later she was back in front of me.
"This is enough to cover a year's stay…" Coughing on air before following it up. "Two of them could buy you a nicer house near the capital…"
Thinking about my options for a moment, deciding on staying at the inn for now would be the best move. Here I would be able to learn about this new world and how it worked. If I was put into a magical world, I was going to take advantage of it.
"Uhhh… set me up for the month then, upper level please," I said with confidence, the bag of gold laid a bit heavier in my pocket as I waited. "After can you maybe point me in the direction of where to start? Like if I was a new adventurer where would you point me to?"
"The guild of course…" Lowering her voice and her head she let out a sigh. "Great… he's rich and stupid…"
"You know I can still hear you right?" I asked, her body jumping after in excitement. "Okay, which building is the 'guild', I'm going to head there after we finish up…"
"Im Tanya by the way," She said, handing me some silver and bronze coins. "Follow me and I'll get you there," Walking toward the door she slowed to talk to eating guests, all seemed happy to see her. "You met the girl outside right?
"I did," I answered, thinking about my encounter with her. "You're handing me back to her aren't you?" I said as I realized Tanya wasn't going to personally escort me herself.
"I can't leave the inn unattended now can I?" She opened the door slightly and called for the girl to come inside, once inside they walked back over to me. "This is-"
"CELESTE!" She yelled, her voice drowning out any other sound. "I'm celesete-"
*SMACK*
Tanya quickly delivered a hard flick to the back of the girls head, knocking her face forward. Reaching her hand up to rub the spot pain had been delivered to Celeste apologized for interrupting, stepping back to let her finish talking.
"As I was saying…" Tanya jerked her head toward Celeste before finishing her thought. "I have asked Celeste to show you around town, explaining anything you need to know…"
Putting her hand behind the girl and forcing her forward. "She needs a friend anyways… the poor girl only talks to me and newcomers."
Celeste bowed, happy to take on the task for her friend.
Before I could say anything, the dick-shaped panel slammed back into view so hard it nearly made me stumble.
[ NEW OBJECTIVE UNLOCKED ]
[ SURVIVE YOUR FIRST DAY IN LUSTHOLLOW ]
[ FAILURE CONDITION: CASTRATION / DEATH / WORSE ]
I stared at the words.
Then I looked up at Celeste.
She was smiling far too hard for a normal tour guide, something had caught her eye.