I found myself alone in my room after eating dinner with Celeste while Tanya told us the story behind the naked man. She explained that a creepy figure had been reported, and she figured out it was him. She waited for him to be in the shower before busting into the room to deliver her lashings.
"That woman is insane…" I whispered, laughing to myself. "Let's check all these things out. I had a lot of new alerts pop up today… uhhh, system appear," I called as a normal-looking screen flashed into my sight. "No dicks? Ahhhh, there they are."
As I looked closer, the buttons meant to bring up a new screen were shaped like the head of a wiener. Nearly laughing too loud, I collected myself and continued looking through it. Finding the attribute tab, I opened the page.
[ Health: 0 ] [ + ]
[ Mana: 0 ] [ + ]
[ Stamina: 0 ] [ + ]
[ Charisma: 10 ] [ + ]
[ Charm: 10 ] [ + ]
[ Sex Appeal: 10 ] [ + ]
[ Luck: 20 ] [ + ]
[ Available: 10 ]
I thought about where to place the free points, scenarios clouding my mind and keeping me from insta-dumping them purely into sex appeal. I decided dividing them across the skills with zero was best. Adding two points to both health and stamina, I pushed the button for mana.
The first point resulted in a euphoric feeling, warmth rolling throughout my entire body. I pressed it three more times, and each time the wave of warmth returned. Stopping after saving two points just in case I needed them, I mentally flipped to my skill page.
My skills from my previous life were still there, as well as two that I hadn't seen before. Both had a dong in a star with the word 'NEW' in the corner. I clicked the first and was greeted with a larger panel explaining the skill.
[ Basic Magic Affinity ]
[ The user of this unique skill has a choice of what affinity magic they want ]
[ NOTE: Only one affinity can be chosen. Once one is confirmed, all others are locked. ]
"So I can use magic, but which one do I choose though…" I sat and pondered each idea. "Maybe fire… no, I'd have a horny dream and burn the building down." I continued looking at the skill's description. "One choice is rough."
Continuing on to my second new skill, I let out a sharp laugh.
[ Insatiable Thirst for Entertainment ]
[ The user of this unique passive skill is granted a quest system ]
[ NOTE: Quests given are random, and therefore the following reward is also random. Quests cannot be forced, and timed events must be completed on time. ]
"That fucking god gave himself a skill slot." Looking straight up to stare in the direction I assumed heaven was in, I yelled, "Fuck you, dude… quit watching, man." As if he would answer again. I knew he wouldn't, though. "Coward…"
Returning to the system panel, I opened the items tab, and the short list popped into my view.
[ Wand of Wisdom ]
[ Book on Basic Knowledge of Lusthollow and Surrounding Cities ]
Calling for the book on Lusthollow, the name disappeared from the screen and landed in my hands. Along with the book, a few maps suddenly appeared as well, all landing neatly on my bed. I grabbed the book, opening it and expecting the knowledge to be forced into my brain, but nothing happened.
The more I read, the less simple the choice felt.
Fire sounded cool until I imagined getting turned on and accidentally setting my sheets on fire. Lightning was somehow even worse. I didn't need random shock damage going straight to the family jewels because my thoughts wandered for half a second.
Wind seemed useful, but I could already picture myself trying to look mysterious and instead blowing my own pants open in public. Earth magic sounded sturdy, dependable, maybe even respectable, but something about rock-based dick jokes felt too easy, even for me. Light magic had potential, sure, but if this stupid system turned me into some kind of glowing pervert beacon, I'd never know peace again.
I flipped another page and rubbed my eyes. Healing kept standing out every time I came back to it. It was simple, practical, and didn't sound like something that would kill me if I got distracted by a pair of tits. More importantly, if this world was as insane as it seemed, having a way to recover without begging someone else to save me was probably smarter than chasing something flashy.
"Damn it," I muttered, staring at the page. "The boring one actually makes sense."
I had sat for most of the night reading and weighing each magic affinity against the others, only reaching a choice once the sun had started to rise. Out of all the possible affinities available, I was sure this was perfect.
I reached down, hovered my hand above my 'sword,' and whispered,
"Minor Heal."
Orange and green light shot out of my hand, flowing into my body and filling my dick and the surrounding area with warmth. My tool waved at me a few times before the blood was released back into the rest of my body.
I was able to use magic for the first time, silently celebrating. I dismissed the screen, hopped into my bed, covered my eyes from the invading sunlight, and forced myself to fall asleep.
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
"ADRIAN! Are you going to sleep all day?" Celeste yelled from behind my door.
Jumping out of bed and gathering my clothes, I heard the door creak open. Frozen in place, I turned my head toward the door and covered my exposed body as best I could.
"Celeste, I'm naked… wait, don't just force your way in," I said, rushing to get some underpants on.
"Damn… don't hurry too much, I'm enjoying this," Celeste teased as she turned around to give me some privacy. "Although… something in me wants to approach you… right now…"
As I tore on my pants, a dick-shaped system window reappeared.
[ QUEST: Morning Pound Town: Optional ]
"What do you mean by that, Celeste?" I asked, baiting for an answer that would turn this into a heated situation. "You think I'm attractive?"
She turned to look at me as I unfolded my T-shirt, her demeanor completely different than it had been moments ago. She walked over, placing herself as close as she could get before grabbing for the button on my jeans.
"Does this answer your question?"