/POP Sana/
Sana was in their house at midnight. While the atmosphere was so serious...
Sana and Alice sat on a sofa. Alice laid her head on his shoulder while Sana stroked her hair.
Sana looked at the moon through the window. The moonlight illuminated their place with soft light. The weather was very clear, making anyone feel relaxed. The quiet atmosphere. Everything was perfect. This is why Sana, in his past life, loved living in the night.
Even with these things, Sana couldn't relax his mind. His mind was so heavy, exhausted from his past life.
[ So tired, so exhausted, why must I keep pushing myself to continue living in this meaningless life?]
Sana said in a soft voice, "Today is a long day."
[The time passes very fast, keep living, eating, going to school, struggling, working every day, waiting for something to happen,..]
Alice clung to him more tightly. "I'll always be here with you, Darling." Her voice was sweet like an ASMR type voice on YouTube.
[ Maybe I'm so stressed after that event, even today we even had a date, yes I'm definitely happy with what I'm doing now, but somehow my brain just keeps asking myself and doubting my existence. Maybe I can live a normal life without Alice, maybe I can be a normal guy who just keeps going to work and going home reading some novels, playing gacha games like Wuwa,..]
She knew Sana was in a depressing state of mind. After having Sana come into her life, the only thing that made her scared was losing Sana. Right now, being able to feel his warmth and his breath was enough to make her feel happy.
Sana forced a smile, his eyes meeting Alice's. "Yes, my love, I'm so lucky to meet you in this world."
[ Maybe my choice is not bad, even if it's painful, meaningless, even if I made no money from what I did, I really don't care about money, just my passion, my dream, my happiness with someone I love is enough to keep me alive, even if my life will continue struggling, even if no one cares about me, even if they laugh at me, criticize me, say how bad I was, how pathetic I was, but I will keep moving forward in this meaningless life with her. Maybe in the future I will become something more evil, crazy, or even have a tragic fate, but at least at this time I can live being myself is enough]
Alice shook her head. "No, I'm the lucky one too."
She sat on Sana's lap while both her hands wrapped around Sana's neck obsessively. Her red eyes looked deep into Sana.
Sana said, "You're so kind to a guy like me. My life is always tragic, bringing unlucky things. This has always been my fate."
[ I always feel my existence is just meaningless, all the things I do every day are just meaningless and pointless just to keep living, but she is the reason I keep doing these things every day even if it'll ruin my life, but life is not bad or good, just keep living]
Alice's eyes started to tear up.
Sana cleaned her tears. "No, I won't leave you, I swear."
Alice said, "If you have any problem, just tell me everything."
Sana smiled bitterly. "I remember my past life now. When I first came to this world, I really forgot some of my memories. But I don't know why."
Alice showed a worried face. "Is your past tormenting you?"
Sana still controlled his emotions. "Yes, very bad memories."
Alice moved her eyes closer. "Then tell me, what is your nightmare? I'll be here with you to face it with you, my soulmate."
Sana avoided her eyes. He was still reluctant to talk about his own problems.
Sana didn't look at her eyes. He hugged her to hide his face. His body trembled while talking about his nightmare.
[ I really don't want to talk about this, so tired and just want to die, to end my meaningless existence, but no matter how bad, how worse I was I will keep fighting to live with my love]
Normally, he would never talk about his problems to anyone. Because in his past life, no one really cared about him. No matter how much he showed his pain and sorrow to other people, they just ignored him and even insulted him.
In the past, he had tried hard at things like YouTube, worked very hard, but in the end they just made fun of him and called his efforts stupid.
People around him made his life like hell. Even his father too.
In his childhood, his father was his nightmare, always treating him brutally like he was nothing more than trash that could talk.
So many times because of stress and anxiety, he struggled to face real life, to meet, to look at, and to hear other people. He had asked for help from his father because he didn't have a choice, but in the end it was just a nightmare for him...
But Quana came into his life and gave him more hope to live, but in the end it was just another broken hell in his life.
Sana thought maybe he still had not met the right people, did he?
Sana forced himself to download some social apps like Facebook, Discord, X, Reddit...
Just like his past, nothing changed much... and then Sana fell deeper into that dark world.