I didn't sleep much that night.
Every time I closed my eyes, my mind went back to him.
Jay.
It was strange how someone could be such a huge part of your life and then suddenly feel like someone you barely knew.
A few months ago, I never had to question where I stood with him.
I knew.
I knew the way he smiled when he was trying not to laugh.
I knew the way he would look at me when he thought I wasn't paying attention.
I knew the little things he did without even realizing it.
Now I found myself thinking about every conversation we had, every short reply, every moment where he seemed distant, trying to figure out when exactly things changed between us.
Maybe that was why my mind kept going back.
Because I missed the version of him I knew.
The memory came slowly.
I remembered that day.
I remembered how nervous I had been, even though I tried not to show it.
Jay always noticed things about me before I said them out loud.
"You know you don't have to be nervous around me, right?" he had said.
I looked at him.
"I'm not nervous."
He gave me that look.
The one that always told me he didn't believe me.
"You are."
I laughed because he was right.
That was one of the things I loved about him.
He knew me.
Back then, I thought that was something that would never change.
I thought knowing someone that deeply meant they would always understand you.
I didn't know people could slowly become strangers while still holding all the same memories.
After that, we spent hours talking.
We talked about random things, things that didn't even matter, but somehow they felt important because it was us.
The conversation eventually moved to the future.
Not in some serious way.
Just the kind of conversation people have when they are young and completely sure about the person beside them.
"What do you think your life will look like in a few years?" I asked him.
He looked like he was actually thinking about it.
"I don't know."
I smiled.
"That's your answer?"
"What? I'm being honest."
I rolled my eyes.
"Okay, fine. Try again."
He laughed.
"Alright. I'll have a job, my own place, and I'll probably still be annoying you."
I smiled.
"You think I'll still be around for you to annoy?"
He looked at me like the answer was obvious.
"Of course."
That was how Jay was.
He said things with so much certainty that you didn't think to question them.
At that moment, the future didn't feel scary.
It felt simple.
When I imagined my life later, he was always somewhere in it.
We talked about places we wanted to visit.
Things we wanted to experience.
The kind of life we thought we had so much time to build.
I remembered the way he looked at me when he said he couldn't imagine me not being in his life.
I believed him.
I believed the way he held me meant he would always choose me.
I believed the way he cared about me meant things like this wouldn't happen.
But things did happen.
People changed.
And sometimes you didn't even notice it until you looked back and realized the person standing in front of you was no longer the person you remembered.
I opened my eyes and stared at my ceiling.
The memory faded.
My room came back into focus.
The pregnancy tests were still on my nightstand.
The reality I had been trying to understand was still there.
I was still pregnant.
And I still had to tell Jay.
That was the part I couldn't stop thinking about.
Because there was a time when I already knew what his reaction would be.
He would sit with me.
He would tell me we would figure things out.
He would make me feel like I wasn't alone.
Now I wasn't sure.
That uncertainty bothered me more than anything else.
I didn't know which version of Jay I would get.
The one who cared.
Or the one who had been slowly disappearing from me.
I hated that I even had to wonder.
I turned to look at my phone.
His name was there.
A few months ago, calling him would have been the easiest thing in the world.
Now my fingers hovered over his name while I debated whether I should do it.
I wanted to hear his voice.
I wanted to know if he still sounded like the Jay I remembered.
I wanted him to tell me everything would be okay.
But a small part of me was scared.
Because what if he didn't?
What if hearing his voice only confirmed that things between us had already changed?
I stared at the screen for a while.
Then I pressed his name.
The call started ringing.
I held the phone against my ear.
My heart raced as I waited.
Then the call connected.
"Hello?"
I froze.
It wasn't Jay.
It was a girl's voice.