Jay pov.
After that whole fiasco out there, we finally returned inside the mansion after eating. I went straight upstairs to the room I woke up in earlier. I was so tired from all that talk so I decided to go fresh up and sleep.
After taking a quick bath I went and changed into an oversised shirt that hung off one shoulder and some shorts. I was about to sleep, but I was suddenly craving something sweet. I decided to go prowl the kitchen for ice cream as usual. Midnight snacks are basically a late night ritual for me at this point.
If there was no food here.. What should I do? I can't sleep when I'm hungry, and there are no convenience stores in an island, as far as ii know. This is all that idiot's fault. Does he always have to be an overkill. He could have just brought me to the beach and not aa whole damn island. But I don't refuse gifts- its wrong... Right??
I guess I'll just see. I went downstairs and headed to the kitchen. I was about to go in, but the lights were already on. Frowning, I went in to check and saw... Kiefer? He was standing there and swallowing some pills. I looked closer at the container. Was that sleeping pills. No mistake, it definitely was. After all that was the same thing my stepfather- if I can even call him that- forced me to take once upon a time.
I shuddered. I don't want to even remember that right now. Sometimes I wish that I could actually forget my past like I said to others. maybe that's why I say it so much. In the hope that it would eventually become true. But no such luck. GOOD LUCK IS A SHAM!!! Well, atleast for me it is. I used to think the only good thing that has ever happened to me was my brothers and Section E. I guess that's why it hurt so much when I thought they had betrayed me.
"what's that?" I asked even though I already knew what it was.
He turned looking like a kid caught doing something wrong. "Jay? What are you doing? Do you need anything?"
"I came to get something to eat. And you haven't answered my question yet." I said.
"Uhh.. Its just some pills for a headache. Nothing much."
"Really?" Why was he lying to me?
"Yeah."
"Then why does it say consume with caution on the bottle? I had no idea headache pills were supposed to bedangerous." I Said sarcastically. He fllinched slightly.
"Why are you taking sleeping pills? Are you out of your mind? Its dangerous!" I said, practically yelling at him.
"Jay, its just that I'm having trouble sleeping.. That's all."
"Don't lie to me! I know you're not dumb. How long?"
"How long what? I told you, its just today-"
"Don't even try. How long? Since when has this been going on?" I asked, cutting him off before he could even complete the sentence. He sighed in defeat.
"Since I left for london." He admitted. My eyes widened.
"You've been taking sleeping pills for aa month?! That's not safe at all!" I yelled at him again.
"I've already consulted a therapist I take only a limited amount. I'm not reckless." he said, looking slightly offended.
Consulted a therapist? limited dosage? Seriously? Even so! Taking sleeping pills is highly dangerous. If, even by mistake aa higher dosage than intended is taken then- I stopped, not wanting to finish that thought.
"Why?" I asked. Because I needed to know if I was the reason. If I am the reason why he's ruining his health. Have I not suffered enough guilt to last me aa century? Do I seriously need more. No I don't! I have enough problems in my life! Apperently the universe disagreed.
I was still waiting for me to answer. He looked away, hesitant to meet my gaze.
"If you don't answer I'm taking your silence as an answer." I warned him.
"Jay, its not like that.."
Kiefer pov.
I knew my wife.
If I told her right now that it was because I couldn't stand being away from her, that it was because seeing her break brought back all those horrible memories with that monster who killed my mother as nightmares... And that guilt drove me insane- she would blame herself. She would feel guilty and blame herself.
Which is why I hadn't told her anything till now. But looks like I have to say it now. I knew better than anyone how stubborn my girl is. If I don't say right now, she'll just blame herself even more. Better I myself explain that its not her fault. I'm not going to let her blame herself.
"Because, Jay, I kept having nightmares about that monster killing my mother." except in my nightmares, it was you I was losing to him, not my mother. And that made me terrified.
"Why all of a sudden then? I mean you haven't had this trouble all this time. Why did this problem come out of nowhere, especially during that time?" She asked skeptically, clearly suspicious of my story. Agghhhh. Why does she have to be smart? I guess I'll just say the truth then.
"Jay, the therapist I went to said it was because of my guilt of hurting you and my dear of losing you. Because I thought you might fall out of love and that terrified me. So my brain automatically recognised the terror and started bringing me back to the last time I was this afraid. Hence the nightmares." I said.
A few tears fell from her eyes, but she wiped them and nodded- satisfied with my explanation.
She frowned and stared at the pill bottle. "You really consulted the therapist before taking these?" She asked.
I nodded frantically. "Yes Jay. I swear." I said relieved that she didn't shout at me.
Then I sighed. "Well, not just for that. I visited the therapist mainly because I wanted to change myself."
She looked at me, confused, those beautiful green-gold eyes of hers searching mine. "For what?"
"For you, Jay. For us. I didn't want to lose control of my anger and end up hurting you in any way. Even by mistake. And I've even gotten better!" I said to her. But to my surprise, she just started crying again. My smile faltered.
God I hate seeing her cry. It makes me want to wrench my own heart out.
"Jay? Did I say something wrong?" I asked gently.
She quickly shook her head and wiped her tears, this time she was looking determined. As if she had decided something.
I just shook it off and was about to put the pills in my mouth when she snatched it away.
"No. I can't change what you did in London. But you are NOT allowed to use these anymore Watson."
I blinked. Then promptly panicked. "Jay please you don't understand-"
"No, Kwanan. You don't understand. The sleeping pills are dangerous. Very dangerous when taken regularly. Don't take it." She said.
"But Jay-"
"Please" She said, sounding almost desperate. It was my turn to be suspicious now. Did she have something about these that's bothering her? Why? Has she used it before? I dearly hope she hasn't.
"Okay.. but why? Did- did you used to have-" I started to ask.
"I was almost forced to." She said, her voice lowering. My blood boiled. Who the hell had dared to touch my girl?
"What?" I asked, my voice dangerously low and with barely contained anger. She must have sensed I was furious, so she just smiled.
"It's ok. I managed to evade that. Go sleep. I'll just come after eating some ice cream."
"I'll get it for you." I said, immediately walking over and grabbing 3 scoops of her favorites ice cream- cookies and cream. I made sure to have it stocked because I knew she'd want it at some point.
She immediately dug in happily, her eyes sparkling. And seeing her like that brought a smile to my face. Then that smile immediately dissapeared when I remembered I have to try sleeping without the pills today. I was back with her now... So maybe- just maybe- it might have gotten better. But still, I doubt it.
I cleared my throaght nervously. She will so kill me for asking this but I need it. Desperately. "Jay, can I-" I stopped and swallowed. "Can I sleep with youtoday?"
She choked on her ice cream. I immediately started patting her on the back. "WHAT?!" She wheezed out once she was alright.
"As in like next to you. I swear I won't do anything." I tried again.
"NO! Absolutely not." She said immediately, her face flushed.
"Please Jay. I think the nightmares might stop if I sleep next to you.." I think that got to her. Because I knew she was already blaming herself. I guess she might have felt guilty, because she hesitated. She didn't say anything for aa whole minute thinking about it.
I waited nervously. Then finally, she sighed. "Fine." She muttered under her breath sounding somewhat reluctant. I grinned immediately, aa wave of relief washing over me. "But-" she added pointing her spoon at me and narrowing her eyes "-no funny bussiness. Else I'll throw you off the bed without second thoughts." She said sternly, still pointing the spoon at me like it was a weapon.
A sudden mischevious streak passed me. "Define funny bussiness. Does it include my kisses."
"WATSON!" She screamed. I laughed.
"I'm just kidding. You know I will never do anything to you without your consent." she just nodded.