Eat. Sleep. Play games. Repeat.
Eat. Sleep. Play games. Repeat.
Eat. Sleep. Play games. Repeat.
For a few days, that was my life.
My father told me I didn't have to go back to school for a while because of what happened. He managed to talk to the school and the principal gave me an excused absence.
That meant while my father worked, I was able to stay at home.
I didn't think or feel anything particular, I just did what I could.
'I'll just let time pass.'
That was the mentality I created.
At one point, I got a text from Elliot.
It said that he'd be there for me if I needed anything or if there was anything he could help with to tell him.
That made me really happy. Soon after, I texted back letting him know I was alright and that he didn't need to do anything for me.
Then, I went to sleep.
Eventually, I found myself getting hungry.
So I instinctually got up, and made myself cereal.
Cereal had become all I really ate.
But this time, as I put a spoonful of cheerios into my mouth, a question arose.
'When will I be able to go back home?'
My heart beat seemed to freeze, as if it couldn't continue on.
'Will I ever be able to go back home? Will I live like this now?'
My chest tightened.
'Will I ever be able to see my grandfather again?'
No.
I knew that was the answer.
In that empty kitchen, in that empty home, I sat there with labored breaths.
My grandfather was dead.
I would never see him again. I would never play for him again.
He would never speak to me again.
He would never teach me again.
A swarm of dread spread throughout my soul.
'Why? Why? Why?'
Tears began to well up in my eyes.
Yet, in the midst of my sorrow, another emotion came forth.
It was instinctive. It was strong. An emotion second to happiness.
It was rage.
'Why?! Why can't I have anything?! Why does this always happen?!'
My hands trembled and quickly moved.
They moved to anywhere they could express my anger.
Unfortunately, that was my bowl of cereal.
Crash!
I smacked the bowl to the floor, it shattered upon impact.
'Always leaving me! Always abandoning me! Why? Why?!'
I got up from my seat, shaking with relentless revulsion.
My anger needed to go somewhere.
Something. Quick. Immediate.
My eyes landed on the couch nearby.
Without thinking, I rushed over and began to throw off one of the cushions.
'Mom left without even meeting me! She didn't tell me her name or where she lived…her friends or hobbies! Nothing!'
I began to punch at the couch cushions with all my strength.
'She had no interest in me! She didn't want to be a mom, but how's that my problem? I didn't ask for her to create me! No one did!'
My punches sped up rapidly, hitting even harder.
'Dad's too busy with his job to be near me! I can't even watch a show with him or play games! Did he not want me either? Did he want to leave me too?'
My mind was cluttered.
My chest felt like it was about to burst.
It was as if someone had grasped my heart, squeezing just enough to avoid crushing it.
'And grandpa…he left me too! Why?! Why did this have to happen? Did he want to leave me too?!'
With one last smash, I let my arms fall limp to my sides.
My legs wobbled and I fell to my knees.
'Why does everyone always abandon me?'
In life, I knew things didn't always go your way.
I knew I was so blessed to have all the things I did.
But I was still, so, so, angry.
For a few moments, I let tears flow from my eyes.
And then, I got up.
I took a deep breath. I wiped away my tears.
Next, I trembled slightly before fixing the couch back how it was before.
'I shouldn't have let my anger get the better of me…'
Looking at the spilled cereal and shattered glass from before, I sighed.
I cleaned it up, and soon my father came back home from work.
When he did, I explained how I broke the bowl and apologized.
He didn't mind, insisting it was fine and that mistakes happened.
Then, I continued on with my day.
Secretly letting a single tear fall as I did.