Slowly I open the window, the morning light quickly illuminating my room and the breeze slowly brushing my skin. I sat on the edge of the window while my eyes fixed on the sky.
It's been three years after that incident, the day where I lost both of my parents, they died in a car accident on the way to their workplace.
I still remember that day clearly, three months away before my high school graduation that accident happened, I was shocked, I couldn't believe it.
When my parents were buried, I just stood still looking at their coffin inside my aunt arm's. Not a single tears coming out of my eyes, I don't know why but I guess I still couldn't accept the reality.
After that my personality turned upside down, a kid that always been positive and looks happy now become quiet and anti-social. One by one my classmates making a distance from me even my best friend also stopped talking to me.
But I think that is normal because the Kael that they used to know has gone.
Days passed, every time I came home from school, I locked myself inside the house. I coldn't stopped thinking about the accident, my mind been filled with thought that I never wanted, the loneliness and the silence in the house only making it even worse.
One night, in the middle of the night those thought haunted me more than ever, the loneliness felt like consuming my mind, making me miss the time where both of my parents always stood by my side and cheered for me whenever I'm sad.
That thought almost made me gave up on everything, just to see their smile once again.
'Kael, you're a strong boy. So we knew that you can face everything by yourself'
That the words that my parents always told me, those word are the one who saved me from that thought, but now I feel pathetic whenever remembered that word, because I don't think those word suited me anymore.
On graduation day, everything went so fast. I couldn't remember that day clearly even though my aunt is there for me. That day supposed to be the best day of my life, but it turned into a hollow memory.
Three years after that accident I was supposed to go to university, just like what my father always wanted, but instead, now I ended up locked myself in the houno, and couldn't face the truth.
Everyday in my silence, I'm hoped this was all just a nightmare. That soon I would wake up. That someone could help me out of this nightmare.
'Haaah... if only it doesn't happened maybe...'
* * *
Bzzt... Bzzt... Bzzt...
My phone buzzed, pulling me out of my thought.
As I expected, it was message from Mia.
I don't know where to start, but it's been three month since we started texting each other. I met her accidentally from random chatting apps.
I even don't know what made me decided to do something like that.
For me, Mia is a expressive and cheerful person, even though she one year younger than me, but sometimes I feel she's more mature.
Every morning before she go to college she always sent me her selfie, I also don't even remember when I asked her to do it, moreover I only send her my picture once, I know it's kinda weird for a girl to do something like that, but I guess she had her own reasons, and I don't mind it.
We also never had a call or even face time, I know it's also sound weird but I try to set some boundaries for myself to not making her uncomfortable, but if I'm being honest I actually want to talk to her and see her face in a real time.
As usual she sent me her picture, today she looks cuter than usual, her short hair until her shoulder that suit on her perfectly, her eyes look shone, and her small mouth.
I don't even know what to say. But she just.. really, really looked extraordinary for me.
'Morning Kael, let me blessed your morning with my cutenes, smile hehe'
I stare at her message longer than I should and I couldn't help myself from smiling, i swear there's something magical about her.
'Morning, I guess you're still same as usual'
Also whenever I talk with her I feel something inside me feel alive once again, it's was relieving for me but it also concern me the most.
'I'm always trying to be better than yesterday, and you also still feel the same as the first day we met'
Guess she's right but not completely right, I get what she trying to say but this is how I am interact with other people now, lame and quite emotionless. Even though there's some some kind of feeling towards her, but I don't think I can heal that quickly.
'Guess I'm sorry then, but I'm hardly trying to get better for you, you know'
What.. What did I just say?, I think I'm messed up and I don't think that the right response, I guess this is the end for me.
But before I could delete my text she responded me with something I never imagine before.
'Then I'll be here always, cheering for you'
Those word stunned me, my heart started beating so fast that I even felt my face getting hotter.
Those are the word that had been missing from my life, simple yet that mean so much for me.
I don't know what to respond there, I felt lost in her words, for a few minutes I couldn't think anything else and just stared at her text.
Then she text me once again, and waking me up.
'I'm sorry it's just a joke.. as usual, don't take it seriously, then see you kael'
I guess I'm being too dramatic, even though I know what kind of person Mia was, but I feel that this time she's wasn't oking. Feeling could be wrong, that's what most people said, but I hope it wasn't.
When I'm still staring at Mia text, I heard someone knocking at my door, quickly I open the door.
Like what I expected it's was my aunt, she coming to my house delivering a food.
For past three years aunt Maya is the one who taken care of me, every morning she delivered a food to my house. Her house isn't far from mine.
She stand in front of the door looking at me while smiling, even though in her forties, her smile always looks very warm.
"Kael here's the food" She handed the lunch box at me.
Her voice sounded very soft, but I can tell there's something concerning her from her voice is.
"Thanks.." I only looking down while taking the lunchbox, it's not like I disrespect her but I feel embarrassed, because for the past three years I always relied on her, especially for meals.
After thanked her I closed the door, but before the door closed I feel there something holding the door.
"Kael.."
I heard my aunt voice calling me, slowly I gathered courage to look towards her. I see her hand holding the door, then I turned my eyes to her face.
Once again she looking at me, but this time her gaze different than before, her eyes tearing up.
"You know it's been few years after that accident, I begs you to move on and be your old self"
Guess I was right. I don't know for how many time she talk about this, but even though what she told me was right I don't think I can and I didn't even know how to fix my self.
"I.. I know!"
For a second my despair suddenly taking over my mind, I even didn't realize that I had shouted to my aunt.
Slowly aunt Maya tears came out, making me realize what I've done, I know I've been doing something that I shouldn't do, I'm making another stupid mistake.
"Aunt I.. I didn't meant to"
My body shaking, I didn't know what to do, my mind couldn't handle the fact I did terrible thing to my aunt, the only one who always care to me.
Confused, suddenly I decided to close the door. The fact that I tried to run away from reality again honestly it's making me looks very disgusting.
I hear my aunt sobbing behind the door, I only stood there in silence and still couldn't believe what I've done.
After a few minutes I heard aunt footsteps walking away from the door. I feel really sorry from what I've done, but I even couldn't apologize to her.
I sat down on the floor leaning against the door and grabbed my hair, for once again I feel pathetic about myself, because of me being too weak and couldn't handle my own mind, I ended up hurting someone else feeling.
I think I should've ended myself that day, I don't think I deserve to continue my life.
'Arghh!.. God please tell me what should i do'
I wanna cry but my tears even won't come out.
***