The debate about who pays the Archon dinner bill had just ended.
And the final "victim"?
Not Venti.
Not Zhongli.
Not Ei.
But the innocent spectator—
Furina.
💬 Extraordinary Chat Group
Venti: Beelzebul, that calculation is unfair! What if you also get a divine retirement fund later?
Zhongli: By universal reason, that is logical.
Ei: Fine! No external support counted!
Ei: I have no job, no money, and I still need to buy Yae tofu. I'm in debt!
Zhongli: I too am technically in debt.
Alice: Alright, obvious conclusion! The shut-in and the street-wanderer are broke! Only the drunk bard can earn! So Venti pays! (doge)
Venti: ???
Wait, what?!
When Venti tried dragging Nahida into it—
Lumine immediately stepped in.
Lumine: You ancient fossils want a 500-year-old junior to pay?!
Paimon: You should be giving her red envelopes!
Zhongli and Ei instantly flipped sides.
"Traveler is right."
"Absolutely not letting Nahida pay."
Venti: "..."
Fine.
Bad guy again.
So he shifted targets.
🎭 Target Locked: Furina
Venti: The most popular star in Teyvat! The embodiment of justice! Would you generously sponsor our humble gathering?
Zhongli and Ei immediately followed.
Flattery.
Fan-service.
Full charm offensive.
Furina blinked.
She had only been eating popcorn.
Now she was the wallet?
But unlike Nahida—
She was rich.
And four Archons calling themselves her fans?
Her ego inflated at light speed.
Furina: It's just dinner! I'll cover all future gatherings!
Instant victory.
Venti / Zhongli / Ei / Nahida:
"Thank you boss! The boss is generous!"
Off-screen, Neuvillette silently sighed.
"Miss Furina… this is going to get expensive."
🏠 Villa — Luo Chen's Commentary
"These three old foxes really have no shame."
"To avoid paying, they'll even downgrade themselves."
"Conclusion: a god must never have money."
"Or the broke ones will circle you like vultures."
He cleared his throat.
"Alright."
"Next unofficial evaluation."
Unofficial Evaluation — Item Three: Culinary Showcase — Nine-Turn Intestine
The words dropped like a bomb.
⚡ Tenshukaku
Ei froze.
"…Cooking?"
That smile earlier? Gone.
Lumine and Paimon's eyes lit up.
They had survived Ei's cooking before.
This was going to be a public execution.
Yae Miko smiled sweetly.
"Oh? You hid a Nine-Turn Intestine technique from us?"
Ei frowned.
"I don't recall ever making that."
She suddenly felt very uneasy.
🎬 The Video: Wanmin Restaurant Cooking Showdown
The setting: Wanmin Restaurant.
Host narration:
"Entering the pressure round! Unlike her usual indifference, Beelzebul shows unprecedented seriousness today!"
Contestants watching upstairs:
VentiZhongliNahidaLumine
Judge:
Xiangling
Dish:
Nine-Turn Intestine.
Except—
It was purple.
Crackling with lightning.
The chat collectively leaned back.
"That… Can it be eaten?"
🍽️ The Conversation
Xiangling: "Did you taste it?"
Ei: "One piece."
"How was it?"
"I removed most of the odor."
"…Most?"
"Yes. I kept some."
"Why?"
"So you know you're eating intestine."
Silence.
"You intentionally left some?"
"Yes."
Confident. Upright. Proud.
Xiangling slowly lifted a piece.
Placed it in her mouth.
One second.
Two seconds.
Her face distorted like she had witnessed the Abyss itself.
She spat it out violently.
Cut.
End.
🌍 Across Teyvat
The reaction?
Catastrophic.
Everyone who had ever eaten intestine felt phantom nausea.
Some actually ran outside.
Some swore off the dish for life.
🍲 Wanmin Restaurant — Real Time
Xiangling ran outside and vomited.
Her father, Chef Mao, rushed over.
"Are you alright?!"
She waved weakly.
"Dad… no more intestines… for a while…"
Chef Mao nodded gravely.
"We'll take it off the menu."
He understood.
Unwashed intestine trauma was not something to argue with.
⚡ Tenshukaku — Present
Lumine and Paimon stared at Ei.
"…You kept the smell?"
Ei defended weakly:
"It enhances authenticity."
Yae Miko covered her mouth, shoulders shaking.
"Authenticity?"
"My dear friend… you nearly committed culinary war crimes."
Ei looked betrayed.
"I removed most of it!"
"That is not the reassuring sentence you think it is," Lumine said solemnly.
💬 Chat Group Fallout
Hu Tao: I regret laughing at Venti now.
Keqing: I withdraw my previous curiosity.
Furina: Even Fontaine would classify that as hazardous material.
Zhongli: By universal reason… this should not be replicated.
Venti: I suddenly feel grateful she doesn't carry Mora.
Nahida: So this is what 'pressure round' truly means.
Kujou Sara: The Shogun must have her reasons…
Silence followed.
Even loyalty had limits.
🧠 Conclusion
Three Archons couldn't scrape together one Mora.
But only one of them—
Weaponized intestine authenticity.
Cooking skill level?
Catastrophic SSS Rank.
Truly—
"The cook is terrifying indeed."
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