Lumine and Paimon were completely stunned.
They had thought the pitch-black dango was already the pinnacle of disaster.
Who would've thought there was something even worse?
"Intentionally retaining a bit of the original intestine flavor"…?
That operation was simply outrageous.
Just look at Xiangling's expression in the video—
If Ei weren't an Archon, she might've been beaten on the spot.
The two of them slowly turned to look at Ei with extremely complicated expressions.
Yae Miko's gaze toward her old friend was equally speechless.
This woman's cooking really did shatter expectations again and again.
She couldn't help asking,
"Ei, don't you have anything to say?"
Ei blinked in confusion.
"Say what?"
"I don't think I did anything wrong."
"Isn't preserving the original flavor of food the proper way?"
Yae Miko: "..."
Lumine: "..."
Paimon: "..."
The three of them froze.
What kind of brain circuit was this?!
This wasn't just a matter of "bad cooking."
This was a fundamental cognitive deviation in culinary philosophy.
Beyond saving.
Yae Miko rubbed her forehead in defeat.
At this point, even teasing felt pointless.
Because they simply weren't on the same wavelength.
Meanwhile, Lumine hesitated before asking carefully,
"So when you ate that piece yourself… you really felt nothing was wrong?"
"You do realize uncleaned intestines contain… you know…"
"Of course not—"
Ei started to nod instinctively.
But halfway through her sentence, she froze.
Uncleaned intestines contained…
…that.
Her eyes widened.
A horrifying realization crashed into her.
Her stomach churned violently.
Without another word—
She vanished from Tenshukaku in a flash of lightning.
Leaving Lumine, Paimon, and Miko staring at each other.
[Extraordinary Chat Group]
Barbara: Th-this is the Raiden Shogun's cooking…?
Ganyu: Retaining the "original flavor" on purpose… I have never heard of such a method in thousands of years…
Ayaka: Her Excellency's culinary style is truly… unique… (awkward smile)
Nilou: Unique is an understatement…
Alice: Intestinal devastation, Narukami eternal~ (doge)
Lumine: I can never hear that slogan the same way again! (facepalm)
Sara: Ahem, the Shogun must have her reasoning!
Venti: Well, did you or did you not remember the original ingredient while eating it? (doge)
Zhongli: By universal reason, the impression was certainly unforgettable.
Nahida: Ah, I understand. We were on the first layer. Senior Beelzebul was on the second layer. (doge)
Furina: The price was just a bit… high~
Hu Tao: Xiangling: What did I do to deserve this? The Electro Archon even tasted it herself first! (doge)
Yanfei: Xiangling profited massively! (doge)
Yae Miko: Forcing such a great chef to taste it—Ei profited massively~ (evil smile)
Lumine: A toast to both warriors~
Paimon: Cheers~
Ei: ...
Xiangling: ...
The chat dissolved into laughter.
Soon, however, Xiangling suddenly remembered something.
Xiangling: @Lumine You lied to me! You said her cooking was good!
Xiangling: And I even treated you to meals! You tried to trick me into coming to Inazuma to eat that?!
Barbara: Wait! I remember! When we asked for photos, the traveler said she'd already eaten it!
Barbara: Now I see! It wasn't eaten—it just couldn't be photographed!
Alice: Suffering alone wasn't enough, so you wanted company? Traveler, that's not honest~!
Lumine coughed awkwardly.
Right after successfully tricking someone—
The light screen exposed everything.
No dignity left.
At this moment, Ei returned.
Ei: Ahem. It isn't their fault. I actually wanted to learn from Chef Xiangling.
Ei: I wonder if Chef Xiangling would have time to visit Inazuma.
Ei: We can call it culinary exchange between nations.
Xiangling paused.
"As long as it's not Nine-Turn Intestine, I'm fine!"
Deal struck.
Ei visibly brightened.
Ei: Very good. Ayaka, please arrange reception for Chef Xiangling.
Ayaka: As you command, Your Excellency.
The chat stared in disbelief.
Xiangling… teaching Ei cooking?
Would that actually work?
Considering Ei's unwavering confidence earlier…
Some felt uneasy.
Others…
Strangely excited.
Villa
Luo Chen raised an eyebrow.
"Ei learning cooking from Xiangling?"
He suddenly recalled a certain infamous parody video.
"…Surely reality won't escalate that far."
Then again—
A tiny part of him hoped it would.
He cleared his throat.
"Alright."
"Having witnessed Beelzebul's culinary talent—unique in all of Teyvat—"
"Let's move on."
"Unofficial Evaluation, Item Four—"
"Homebody Daily Life."
[Extraordinary Chat Group]
Lumine: Homebody daily life? Big move incoming? (evil grin)
Paimon: Venti and Zhongli were already legendary!
Nahida: I remember Barbatos' 'fishing' life involved stealing dogs in Inazuma… (doge)
Venti: Not as legendary as Zhongli dancing! (doge)
Furina: That dance was iconic!
Zhongli: ...
Alice: If the drunkard and the retiree were that chaotic, the shut-in must be equally exciting~
Yae Miko: Perhaps like this—unable to read light novels and drink dango milk simultaneously, collapsing in despair~ how pitiful~
Ei: ...
She silently grumbled.
Could that fox at least change the phrasing once?
Still, unease crept in.
"Homebody life…"
"I merely meditate in the Plane of Euthymia."
"That shouldn't be outrageous…"
But recalling Venti stealing dogs and Zhongli's retirement chaos—
Her optimism vanished.
She looked toward the screen.
Others leaned forward eagerly.
The Video
Clip One: Just an ordinary day of Homebody Ei~
Background: Tenshukaku.
Soft cheerful music played.
On-screen—
A chibi, dango-like Ei lay sideways hugging a pillow.
One eye closed.
One eye blinking lazily.
Utterly adorable.
Not the dignified Shogun.
Not the imposing Archon.
But a round, childlike dumpling version.
Viewers' hearts melted instantly.
Morning.
She rolled upright.
Breakfast:
Rice.
Fried egg.
Miso soup.
"Nom nom."
The chewing sounds alone were devastatingly cute.
Afternoon.
Lying sideways on the bed.
One hand supporting her cheek.
The other flipping through a light novel.
One short leg rubbing against the other lazily.
Sunlight shifted.
Hours passed.
She read all day.
Night.
She sprawled diagonally across the bed.
Left hand relaxed.
Right hand lifting her shirt slightly.
Zero sleeping posture.
Then—
Thunderous snoring erupted.
Like someone sawing logs inside Tenshukaku.
The chat collapsed.
The contrast was too much.
Archons snore.
Loudly.
A mysterious figure approached.
Only feet visible.
One swift kick—
Chibi Ei rolled over mid-snore.
Clip one ended.
Clip Two: "The Raiden Shogun isn't this cute~"
Yae Miko stood before the puppet Shogun.
Serious atmosphere.
Then—
She produced a bag of tri-color dango.
The puppet remained expressionless.
But inside—
Chibi Ei's eyes widened.
Drool nearly forming.
Music intensified.
Chibi Ei burst out—
Snatched the dango.
Chomped.
Three gone.
Another chomp.
Three more gone.
Head tilted back in bliss.
Miko smirked.
Offered dango milk.
"Glug glug."
Then light novels.
Blanket pulled over head.
Full immersion.
Repeat cycle:
Dango.
Milk.
Light novels.
All-nighters.
Until—
Lumine and Paimon arrived.
Music shifted awkwardly.
On the floor—
Instead of a slender Shogun—
A plump, round, spherical lightning dumpling.
Lumine stared at the portrait in her hand.
Then at the chubby reality.
"Picture for reference only."
She understood that phrase at last.
Chibi Ei waved her arms accusingly.
Exposing the fox's conspiracy.
Lumine's lips curved.
"…She's kind of cute."
Video ended.
Silence.
Then chaos.
Compared to Venti and Zhongli—
Ei had done nothing outrageous.
She stayed inside.
Slept.
Ate dango.
Drank milk.
Read novels.
Classic homebody routine.
But the contrast—
Between dignified Archon and snoring dumpling—
It was lethal.
The "nom nom."
The thunderous snores.
The smug dango eating.
The blanket cocoon reading.
The spherical lightning.
People laughed until their stomachs hurt.
And yet—
No one could deny it.
It was unbearably adorable.
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