When it came to the unofficial evaluation of the gods having "no Mora"…
For Barbatos and Morax, there was nothing new to explain.
As for Beelzebul, her Story Quest had already shown enough.
But—
Three broken Archons gathering together?
That was a path no one had imagined.
Just picturing it made countless eyes light up.
Everyone turned eagerly toward the light screen.
🎬 The Video Begins
The setting: an open field.
In the middle of it—
Three suspiciously familiar-looking marmots.
Two of them were fighting.
The third was trying to mediate.
The twist?
The fighting marmots had Venti and Zhongli's faces.
The one trying to stop them?
Had Ei's face.
For a brief second—
Venti, Zhongli, and Ei all went blank.
"…Excuse me?"
The chat exploded.
Marmot Archons?
Peak cinema.
🐿️ Marmot Chaos
Marmot Venti shoved Marmot Zhongli.
"What do you mean by that?"
"Morax doesn't have Mora?!"
Marmot Zhongli pushed back calmly.
"This isn't about whether I have Mora."
"It's about you saying you'd treat."
"I said I'd treat. I never said I'd pay~"
That did it.
"Since when does treating not include paying?!"
The fight escalated.
Marmot Ei sighed desperately.
"Stop fighting! Calm down!"
But they were already in full gremlin mode.
"Liyue's so wealthy, and Rex Lapis can't afford a meal?"
"Free Mondstadt, huh? More like freeloading!"
"Let Childe pay then!"
🔒 Prison — Tartaglia
Childe had been laughing happily.
Until he heard that line.
"…Why am I involved again?"
"Am I permanently registered as 'wallet' now?"
He felt a cold sweat.
Was this his fate?
Official Harbinger of Bill Payment?
🍲 Xiangling Cameo
A marmot with Xiangling's face trotted by.
"Excuse me, heading to the kitchen!"
She muttered:
"Fire Slime… salt and pepper? Or garlic flavor?"
Even the Archons paused respectfully.
Food God passes.
Then resumed fighting.
"You freeload!"
"You faked your own funeral!"
"At least I wasn't robbed of my Gnosis!"
"You gave yours away!"
"Everyone stop! You're embarrassing yourselves!"
Finally—
Marmot Ei snapped.
"Enough!"
"You're all terrible!"
The other two froze.
"…What did you just say?"
"…You're all broke?"
Dead silence.
"Who are you calling broke, shut-in?"
"Venti, don't say what we're all thinking!"
Ei exploded.
"I'll seal you into a statue!"
⚡ FLASH ⚡
Both marmots were embedded into the Thousand-Armed Statue.
Cut.
End.
🌊 Reactions Across Teyvat
The chat lost it.
Archons fighting like street vendors over dinner money?
Legendary.
Even better—
In marmot form.
🏮 Wangsheng Funeral Parlor
Hu Tao laughed so hard she nearly fell off her chair.
"The great Geo and Anemo Archons arguing over bills?!"
Tartaglia, somewhere in prison:
"Why am I the financial fallback plan for all divine gatherings?!"
🍃 Venti & 🪨 Zhongli (Present Timeline)
Venti groaned.
"Old man, this unofficial evaluation is never ending."
Zhongli sighed.
"This all began with you not carrying Mora."
"Oh? Says the man who forgets to bring his wallet everywhere."
"You drink it away."
"You spend recklessly."
"You handed over your Gnosis."
"You handed yours away too."
"…That was Zhongli's decision."
"…And that was Barbatos'."
Hu Tao stared.
"Oh wow. The real fight is happening live."
⚡ Tenshukaku
Lumine and Paimon were wheezing.
"'Shut-in'—that part was personal."
Yae Miko, smiling sweetly:
"Ah~ poor old friend, mocked as a shut-in."
Ei's face darkened.
"You cried over fried tofu."
"At least I'm not a shut-in."
"You got bullied by Alice."
"At least I'm not a shut-in."
"You're just a tofu-brained fox!"
"Still not a shut-in~"
Ei: "…You only know one insult, don't you?!"
Miko: smiles brighter
💬 Chat Group Chaos
Nahida: The defeated gods of old: "We lost to… this?" (doge)
Furina: I've learned something. Next time I treat, I won't pay. Venti-style.
Venti: No law says treating means paying! (doge)
Zhongli: If you can't afford it, just say so.
Lumine: Says the man who tried to make me pay in Liyue!
Zhongli: ...
Ei: I remember that too.
Xiao: The Geo Archon must have his reasons.
Yae Miko: Translation: "I'm broke too."
💰 The Debate: Who's Actually Rich?
Lumine: Instead of arguing, why not rank yourselves? Whoever's richest pays.
Paimon: Yes! Even if you're all broke, someone must be least broke!
Alice: Who's the richest Archon here? (evil grin)
Venti: I'm just a poor bard! Zero Mora!
Zhongli: Technically, the money Childe provides is borrowed.
Zhongli: And I lack monetary concepts. I'm practically in debt.
Zhongli: Barbatos has a profession.
Zhongli: Beelzebul is ruler of a nation. Clearly wealthiest.
Ei: ???
"I don't own Inazuma's treasury."
"That money belongs to the nation!"
"I personally have zero Mora!"
"And both of you receive divine support funds in Mondstadt and Liyue!"
Venti: "…Ah."
Zhongli: "..."
The chat watched with popcorn.
Three gods.
Zero Mora.
Unlimited pride.
🎯 Conclusion
Official ranking attempt:
Venti: "Professionally poor."
Zhongli: "Philosophically bankrupt."
Ei: "National budget ≠ personal wallet."
Final result?
Three Archons.
Still can't scrape together one Mora.
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