It feels oddly like watching a two year old who's learned how to walk. Not that I've done that before, but I think it's how it'd feel. Llywelyn has finally been able to get up and do things, just in time for us to be leaving the Galactic Center, though he tires quickly still. Now, I can't keep track of where the hell the man goes. And he snaps at me every time he catches me hovering around him.
"You don't need to follow me everywhere!" He huffs as he walks into our bedroom, which, up until now, I've been in charge of.
I scowl at him as I trail in behind him. "I'm not following you, I'm just going to the casino."
There's a casino. On the ship. Xilukulkas gave us money to spend on it, and I find it fun to see whether I'll be able to earn enough to buy something of my own on the night planet by the time we get there.
Every time I say it, however, Llywelyn—
"Useless." He growls, glaring at me with his bright golden eyes. "Pointless. Stupid. Gross!"
—rants about it. He seems to deeply despise gambling.
This makes it even more fun to do it. Which is an issue of mine, I guess, but who doesn't love pushing the buttons of the grouchy guy they're sharing a bedroom with?
"Okay, well, good talk. I'll see you when I see you." I shrug, smirking, and go to leave. But his hand grabs my arm before I can.
He growls low in his throat and his eyes narrow.
I blink and stare up at him, feeling a flutter in my chest. He's so close to me. He looks... much bigger. Now that he's standing again. Now that he's strong enough to be manhandling me instead of the opposite. The way he looks at me... is intense.
I want to kiss him.
I will not. Do that.
I'd rather die.
I'm not kissing him. No way.
"Let go of me, fish." I snap, and I don't recognize my own voice. It's too soft. Too breathy. Too...
He doesn't let go, but he doesn't move closer, either. He just looks at me, his veins pulsing a faint blue. His fingers tighten on my arm, and I can feel his heat through my sleeve.
His eyes flicker down to my lips, and my heart skips a beat.
Why is he looking at me like that?
What is he thinking?
Does he want to kiss me?
Do I want him to kiss me?
Yes.
No.
I don't know.
"Sarah." He says, and his voice is rough. "I..."
His face is so close. His breath is warm on my skin.
I can't think.
I can't breathe.
I can't—
A knock on the door makes us both jump. We pull away from each other, as if we've been caught doing something wrong. I glare at the door, my face burning. I hate whoever is on the other side of it. How dare they rescue me when I was just about to rescue myself?
"Yes?" I call out, trying to sound normal.
"It's me!" Mira's voice says, cheerful and oblivious.
Of course it is. Of course she would choose this exact moment to—
Ugh!
"What do you want?" I ask, trying to keep the annoyance out of my tone.
"I want to play with you! I heard 'casino'!"
"Of course the little ritzah did." Llywelyn mutters under his breath.
I roll my eyes and look at him. He's scowling at the door, his arms crossed over his chest. His veins are glowing a dull blue.
He looks so... normal.
He looks like the Llywelyn I know.
I feel a smile tug at my lips.
He notices and glares at me. "Don't you smile at me and then go gamble."
I huff and walk toward the door. "I'll do what I want, and I want to do both."
"Sarah—" He starts, but I open the door before he can finish.
Mira is standing there, beaming at me. She's wearing a dress. Though 'wearing' just means that somehow, some way, her emerald shape has changed so that it seems she's wearing a summer dress now instead of what looked like a tank top and shorts. I don't even bother trying to understand it. I just smile back at her.
"Hey, Mira. Let's go." I say, and step out of the room.
She follows me, bouncing on her feet. "Yay! I love the casino! It's so shiny and colorful and fun!"
"Yeah, it's pretty great." I agree, and lead her down the hallway.
Llywelyn doesn't follow us. He stays in the room, probably sulking. That's fine. He never follows me to the casino in the first place, and I can't imagine he'd do it when Mira is also there.
I don't know what he would have said if we hadn't been interrupted. Or what he would have done.
Maybe... he'd have kissed me.
Maybe I'd have kissed him.
But now I'll never know.
And I don't know if I'm relieved or disappointed about that.
"Hey, Sarah, guess what?" Mira says, interrupting my thoughts.
"What?" I ask, turning my head to look at her.
She smiles and holds up her hand. In it is a small golden card. It has a symbol on it that looks like a stylized sun with a star in the middle.
I don't know what that means.
I tilt my head. "What is that?"
"It's Master's! Card! He let me have it." She says, and her eyes sparkle with excitement. "He said it will make the casino more fun! There's a buffet there, you know." She giggles. "I like buffets. They have so many things."
I stare at the card. Won't that just guarantee he loses? It's his money gambling to win his money.
I suppose... Mira will probably just give him the card back at the end of the day so the reality is he'll neither win nor lose anything. From that perspective, I can see why that giant indulgent man would have given it to her.
But also... if that's the case, I'm mercilessly spending it on amenities. Like the buffet.
"Okay." I say, and take the card from her. "Let's go have some fun, then."
She nods and takes my hand. "Yay! You're my favorite human, Sarah!"
I smile and squeeze her hand. "You're my favorite gem, Mira."
She giggles and skips along with me.
I feel a little lighter, a little happier.
Maybe I'll have fun today.
Maybe I won't think about Llywelyn and his lips and his eyes and his voice and his—
No. I'm not going to think about that.
I'm going to enjoy myself.
And not think about the damn fishman for a little bit. He's dominated my thoughts for months now. I think I deserve a break.
A break with chocolates and decorative bubbly drinks that I cannot promise myself I shall drink responsibly.