"Fudge. I'm so bored I could die."
Tap, tap, tap.
Capybory Rambuloli, a capybara with a half rambutan hairy body, unleashed a dropkick [Rambu Drop].
> "Fall into hell," in capybara noises.
Pizzanini Tortellini, a turtle with a pepperoni pizza shell carapace, deftly dodged and countered with a heavy uppercut [Turp Super].
> "Don't get cocky with me," in turtle noises.
The counter landed perfectly and launched Capybory mid-air, and an obnoxious pop-up text appeared on the screen.
PUNISH!
Pizzanini revved like an engine [Turp Shredder]. Slices of pepperoni in its shell carapace spun around like a merry-go-round.
The engine unleashed its full horsepower, sending Pizzanini bolting forward at a high speed. The impact slammed Capybory to the far wall of the battle arena.
WALL SPLAT!
Pizzanini followed up with a juggle combo.
HIT. HIT. HIT.
Three clean hits landed.
To seal the result of the battle, Pizzanini performed a combo ender. A unique ability [Sage Art] called [Turp Super Mega Ultra Cooked Blazer].
A short cinematic scene triggered.
An obsidian halo formed above Pizzanini's head, and horns of the same color also sprouted on his temples. In that same instant, the horns glowed brightly like the radiance of molten lava.
> "Die," in turtle noises.
Purgatorial flames erupted and engulfed the entire arena.
K.O.!
PERFECT!
A laughter of triumph erupted as the battle ended.
Pizzanini grabbed Capybory before his incarcerated rambutan body could fall to the ground.
> "Heh. Pitiful," in turtle noises.
A golden pop-up text flashed on the screen, just as obnoxious as earlier.
CONGRATULATIONS! YOU WIN!
A young man sat on a shabby yet expensive gaming chair, staring directly at the golden text on the display monitor. His name was Yoon Seojin.
It was the only source of light in this pitch-black room.
Tap, tap.
Tapping the controller buttons randomly in his hand, Seojin's expression told a story of boredom. Black scribbles writhed inside his irises.
"Aish."
He checked the digital clock at the far end of the desk.
[ 9:31 PM | 07-07-2028 | FRI ]
He pressed his palms together to cover his nose and mouth as he stared upward in pure despair.
"Out of all the years I have been sentenced to exist… this is conclusively the worst birthday I have ever endured."
He reached for his phone and leaned back against the gaming chair.
"May both sides of your pillow always be damn warm."
He suddenly muttered a petty curse with a deadpan gaze as his thumb hovered over a certain novel application.
"May you step in something wet every single time you put on clean socks."
"May your nose itch every other time both of your hands are full."
"May people always moan when they call your name."
He spat more of them.
Why shouldn't he? He had every right to!
The author dropped the novel just before the ending arc. He had always been against the idea of picking up ongoing novels because of this reason, yet he made an exception once and was now regretting it.
"May the bidet always spit out high-pressure water every time you wash your ass."
He opened a community forum application instead.
Tap.
"Or if you don't use one, may your fingers always pierce the tissue paper every time you–"
He swallowed back those petty curses after seeing the first post on the forum.
[Chae-won] Hypothetical Question
> If you were given a chance to live in this world as a new character, who would you be, and what talent would you possess?
> The first reply will automatically become the drawback of that character. But oh. Do not even attempt to reply to your own comment. I have my ways of knowing.
[Comments: 76]
"Huh? Are you playing with me…?!"
A blatant shitpost.
The original poster was the very author he had been cursing just a few seconds ago. To think that she still had the audacity to post in this forum after dropping the novel.
He scrolled through the comments.
[Xiana] Xiana, a pretty furry with a perfect body. Seductive charm.
-> [Vainy] is a femboy :3
-> [Xiana] Even better!
"Like the author, like the readers."
He nearly hurled the phone across the room. If only it was not too expensive to break.
"Dammit."
He closed the community forum and stood up from the gaming chair, walking towards the spacious part of the room.
Time spent getting dragged into the crowds' idiocy was better spent into his usual routine, shadowboxing. He had been doing this for at least an hour a day for the past two years.
Fwoosh, fwoosh! Whap!
An hour later, he was soaked in sweat.
"Yawn. I'm hungry."
Changing into a new set of clothes, he quickly rushed downstairs to check the fridge but only a few cans of zero-sugar cola stared back at him.
There was a cucumber, but who knows how long it had been sitting there.
"What a pain."
He decided to step outside, probably his first time going out for the past two months.
Walking down the street, his appearance naturally turned heads. He looked like a masterpiece abandoned moments before completion.
He loved attention.
But at the moment, he was too glued to his phone to notice the stares.
Apparently, he was busy typing his own comment on the very shitpost that had gotten him so worked up.
Tap, tap.
[Seojin] Seojin. Looks like me and a genius like me. Any genius ability works.
He posted the comment with a smug grin.
A vague request was always better than something overly specific.
He had seen things such as "invincible, except your balls" far too many times. It was the same logic as Achilles being dipped into the River Styx, but his mother grabbed him down there.
Putting the phone in his pocket, he entered the nearest grab-and-go convenience store. The building had orange, green, and red horizontal stripes that framed the floor-to-ceiling glass windows.
Scanning the center-aisle gondola shelves, his expression showed distaste.
Ever since he dropped out of college two years ago, his biological parents had cut off his massive chunk of allowance. They were swimming in riches, yet they forced their own blood to live in rags.
A classic move for people of their status.
> "Go back to studying, and the money comes back," such were their statements.
He had no intention of doing so, or at least, not at the moment. So instant ramen it was! A cup wouldn't be too bad for his birthday celebration.
He grabbed one and headed toward the counter.
Ding!
His phone vibrated, and he checked the notification.
[Seojin] Seojin. Looks like me and a genius like me. Any genius ability works.
-> [Anon] The only person who calls you a genius is yourself.
"That is fifteen hundred won, sir. Do you need a bag?"
But he was too focused on his phone to even hear a thing, reading the replies under his comment.
-> [itsnotron] MF wutt? 🥀
-> [Ce2] Can I draw your thighs? xXx
-> [BigBlackClock] Bro, wake up! They hit the PENTAGON!
-> [soniknami] are you a hedgehog? can i lick your feet????
-> [Art] @soniknami Bro, 50 dollars per foot pic deal??
-> [JaxonVisuals] Hello! I'm a commissioned artist. Do you have any stories I can help with adaptations? Feel free to contact me: jaxonvisuals@com. Best regards, Jaxon.
Leaning forward over the register, the cashier glared at him. If she could bash this customer's skull against the counter, she probably would've done it by now.
"Hey. If you're not going to pay, move. Unbelievable. Why does this shit always happen right before I punch out…?"
The cashier slammed her palms on the counter.
"My bad."
He cleared his throat.
"I… I got a bit distracted. How much again?"
The cashier sighed hard enough that it blew her bangs upward.
"Fifteen hundred won. Sixteen if you need a district trash bag."
"Nah. I don't–"
Before he could even finish the word, the cashier tapped the top of the card reader with her fingernail.
"Then put your card in."
"Aight."
Beep!
A red light instantly flashed across the reader. How cute, and how infuriating. He couldn't even afford a cup of instant ramen!
Left with no other choice, he flashed what he believed was the best alternative payment. His most charming smile.
He leaned a casual elbow on the counter.
"Look. It's my birthday, you see. So would you mind covering for me just this once?"
However, the cashier's dead-eyed stare was completely immune to the charm.
"Is that so? Happy goddamn birthday, then. But why would I want to do that?"
"Hm, strange. This is hard. You playing hard to get is making this hard. Fine, I'll leave you my number. How about it?"
"Are you nuts?"
"No?"
"..."
"I'll pay you back tomorrow. I'll also treat you to a fine dinner, so–"
"I have a boyfriend."
The cashier yanked his declined card out of the machine, dropped it onto the counter, and pulled the cup of instant ramen back to her side.
"Oh, and considering this much of an amount was declined, that fine dinner you mentioned doesn't look like a worthwhile investment."
"Dammit."
"Shoo."
He pulled his elbow off the counter and tried to salvage whatever ounce of dignity he had left.
However, just as he was about to leave, he suddenly turned back around and faced the cashier.
Of course, it wasn't because she had mentioned having a boyfriend, but due to the nametag pinned at the pocket chest of her uniform.
"...Chae-won?"
"Yes, yes. That's me."
The cashier rolled her eyes, completely tired of the customer's bullshit.
"You."
Seojin looked straight into her eyes.
"What now?"
"Requiem of sinfall."
"W-what the hell are you talking about?"
The cashier tried to feign ignorance. But the slight step she took backward gave everything away.
"Found you."
"'Found me...?' Creep. Get out or I'll call the–"
Her one step backward became two as she held her phone, trying to scare him away by making obvious little threats.
Before she could retreat any farther, Seojin leaned over the counter and grabbed the collar of her work uniform.
"I found you, you little–"
But the moment his fingers tightened around the fabric, the cashier was gone.
Seojin blinked.
"–eh?"
His hand isn't around a human neck anymore.
Instead, his grip was around the coarse fur of a bloated capybara. It had the same size as him, as well as a half rambutan hairy body!
"Ca… pybory?"
Before he could fully process what he was seeing, the capybara crouched and unleashed [Rambu Drop] aimed straight to his chest.
> "Fall into hell!" in capybara noises.