I smiled as I took a picture to send to Dominic.
I was sitting in a middle school gym, watching Isabella absolutely dominate in basketball.
Dominic hearted the picture.
Domie: Can I call you baby?
I rolled my eyes with a smile.
Me: No. I am watching Isabella play basketball. I will call you later.
I texted him back, and he thumbs down the message.
I smiled. I looked back up at Isabella. I don't even know how long I have been here, but I think they are almost done.
Oh, wait, they are. I watched as Isabella ran back over to me, "I'm so glad you came today. I know it's just practice, but Dad never comes," Isabella said with a smile.
Oh my heart hurts, "Anytime you want me to come, just let me know and I will be there," I said, and the two of us walked to where her stuff and her friends were, and she started talking to them as I awkwardly stood off to the side.
As much as I would love to eavesdrop, I know it's not my place, so I am going to pretend like the giant banners on the gym wall are somehow more interesting.
"This is ryder." Suddenly, I am back in the conversation, "he's my dads fiance, and my stepdad." I am going to hold this kid and never let go. Oh my god.
I waved, "he looks young."
"It's because I am young," I said, holding back a non age appropriate joke as her friends nodded. "Okay, I am ready to go now, I will see you guys tomorrow."
"They seem nice," I said as we started to walk over to the car.
"Yeah, they are," Isabella said.
"Something on your mind?" I asked as I opened the door for her, "Thank you. Uh, not really," she said back to me.
I followed after her, "Not really?"
"Yeah, I mean, I know we talk about it, but," I shut the door of the car and put on my seatbelt as one of Dom's bodyguards slowly started to reverse the car out of the parking lot, "are you okay with me calling you my stepdad? Because I have been calling you that to my friends."
I smiled, "Yeah that's fine, if that's what you want to call me. And Ryder or your dad's fiancé is also fine," I said.
I shoved down this feeling of replacing and never being enough, and I just tried to be here for her right now.
"Okay," Isabella said, and the rest of the car ride was quiet.
We thanked the bodyguard, and then we were back in her room, her doing her homework and me knitting on her floor.
"Do you know when my dad is getting back?"
I itched the inside of my ear, "uh, I'm not sure, but it's a week-long trip, so probably in a couple of days. Why do you ask?"
"I need him to stay longer," she blurted out, and I started laughing, "That's not very nice."
"He keeps hogging you from me. Like, as soon as I get home, you are always with him, and I want you to hang out with me," Isabella said, pouting.
God, she's just like her dad. I smiled, "bro just tell me, I will gladly ditch his old ass to come hang out with you."
"Please do, and do not let him come in here, because he makes everything awkward."
"Well, that's just how he is. He is trying to bond with his daughter, but he can't, but he is trying and that's all that matters."
"I guess," she said, and then she turned around in her chair and shoved a piece of paper in my face, "I finished all of my work at school, but can you check this one for me?"
I put my knitting down and took the piece of paper in my hands, "Yeah, which class is it for?"
"Fucking homeroom, we just have to write a couple lines about our life, and I wanna know if these sound coherent."
"Okay," I muttered, and I started to read them.
I felt myself smiling. It just felt good to be with Isabella. She was such a good kid and sure I did consider her more than a friend, than I do a daughter, but I still feel very protective over her, like a parent would, "these all look good."
"Okay, thank you," she said, and I watched as she put the paper back in her folder, and stood up.
"What?" I asked, looking up at her. "We should get DoorDash and then watch…I don't know whatever is on Netflix."
"Sounds good, what are you thinking for food?"
"Maybe sushi."
"Door dashing sushi sounds fucking gross."
"We just need to get it from a good place," Isabella said as we made our way down the stairs and into the living room.
I handed her my phone, "I'll look for the movie and you get your nasty DoorDash sushi."
"Hey don't knock it till you try it," she said as I clicked through Netflix.
"Oh wait," I clicked out of Netflix and into YouTube, "Barbie and the Magic of Pegasus."
"Bro, what?"
"Prime barbie movie," I said, typing it into the television, "14.99, buying this for life, fuck Dominic," I said, and I clicked a couple of buttons, and I turned on the movie.
"This looks terrible, but I am so into it."
"I was like 1 when this movie came out, so of course it's gonna look wack. My siblings and I used to watch this one, along with all of the other ones and I don't know why, but this one came to mind first."
"Okay. And then do you want anything specific, or do you want to be surprised?"
"Surprise me," I said, grabbing the blanket off the couch and laying it on me and Isabella, "Okay, I ordered it," she said and put my phone down on the table.
"So she is friends with a horse?"
"It's a pegasus, and shush, don't ask questions and just watch the movie, the pegasus isn't even here yet," I said, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not a pro," she said, laughing.
And as the two of us stared at the low-quality movie, almost older than both of us, part of me felt empty. And for once, it wasn't about the role I could never fill; it was about missing Dominic.
I guess Isabella reminds me so much of her dad in a way, which makes me miss him more than I should.
I just want to call him, but I know that's not good for either of us. But I just feel so empty without him.
I guess that's love, or a deluded sense of it. This empty sensation that only goes away when they are near you. I sighed. I guess that is truly love.