"Leo, tell Matteo to stop fucking eating hot dogs!" Dominic yelled, and I felt myself laughing quietly to myself. They are both so stupid.
"They are really fucking good," in Dominic's defense, it had been a couple of hours since the whole Elena thing, and Dominic really hadn't said a word; he just looked lost in thought, and Matteo had somehow put down 6 fucking hot dogs in that couple of hours.
"Let's get actual food," I mumbled.
"You should try them," he said, ketchup all over his face.
"You need to wipe your mouth, and I am okay," I said, laughing at him.
For some weird fucking reason, his stupid ass still made my dumb heart flutter; he made it beat out of my chest, and truthfully, I don't even know why.
I feel like distance makes the heart grow fonder, but being pestered every single day for some reason also does the same. I feel like he bothers me so much, and it's worse because we are in the same house now, but I don't feel myself being bothered by it, even though I really should. I should fucking hate it, but I don't. I feel myself trying to please him like I did all those years ago, like a damn fucking fool.
I don't even remember the last time I wore shorts, but when Matteo and I were drinking a couple of nights ago, he mentioned it, and like a crazy person, I wore them, just so he could look, look at my stupid legs.
"I thought you didn't like beer," he asked me as the two of us sat outside by the pool.
"I mean, in college, I didn't really like it, but the beer Dominic gets is really good for some reason, I can't explain," I said, and he nodded at me intently.
I laughed, "How many have you had?"
"Probably 3."
"3? How long have you been out here?" I asked.
I had been on the computer working on stuff since Dominic and Ryder were out on their little date, and I noticed that Matteo was gone, so I looked around, and I saw he was sitting out here shirtless, lying on one of the chairs, drinking beer. "About 30 minutes."
"You thinking about something?" I asked.
And he shrugged, "always am. Shit, I'm not even supposed to be drinking with my medication."
"Oh," Is all I could really muster out. He never really opened up to me about that, "Maybe you should lay off the beer then," I said, laughing.
"This will be my last one, I swear."
"It better be," I said, taking a drink of mine as I got up off the pool chair, slid my pants off so I was in my boxers, and put my feet in the pool.
He got off the chair he was on and came to sit next to, but didn't put his feet in the water.
"How's your uh medication been treating you?"
"It's making me normal," He said, staring at me with those sexy fucking eyes, "that's what you always wanted, right?"
I rolled my eyes and didn't respond to him.
I drank more of my beer, "You're what, 41? And you still have those stupid ear piercings in?" I felt myself trying to make small talk in the only way I know how: play flirting disguise as making fun of him.
"Come on, you know you love them," he said as I watched his eyes start to linger on my legs. "What are you looking at?"
"You don't shave your legs anymore?"
I rolled my eyes again, "That was a one-time thing."
"I remember you doing it a lot more than once," Matteo said, laughing.
"I don't remember that, I fear, but no, I don't shave my legs anymore," I said.
"They still look good though, hey, I mean you do too."
"Thank you."
The two of us sat in silence.
"Do you still have…you know the thoughts?"
"Suicidal thoughts?"
"Yeah," I said awkwardly.
He shrugged at me, just like he always did.
Back then, he would always keep me in the dark, and he would shrug, just like he did now, when I tried to ask him more. He shrugged, and he would laugh. And only when he was drinking would he rant and go into detail about stuff like that.
"Answer me, don't shrug."
"What's wrong with shrugging?" He asked, doing it again.
"Nothing is wrong with it, it's just…you always do that when you are trying to change the subject away from you."
"Damn, you caught me," he said, laughing, and I just stared at him. "I mean, the medication helps it go away, but like the manic depression comes in these crazy waves, I can't really explain. I guess that also comes with being bipolar. But you make it all better."
"Here we God damn go."
"You really do. Just seeing your face again makes me want to wake up every day, and even if that means getting yelled at, I think it's all worth it," Matteo said, smiling at me.
"You don't need to sweet-talk me anymore."
"I'm not. It's just…a true pleasure to see your face again, and that body and those gorgeous fucking legs. Does Dominic have a rule against shorts or something? Why do you never wear shorts?" Matteo asked me, once again changing the subject. He was really good at that.
"Because I am a grown-ass man, why would I wear shorts?"
I felt his hand touch my thigh playfully, "When your legs are this beautiful, you should show them off every day."
"God, you are so weird," I said, leaning back but not taking his hand off my thigh.
He lifted it off and leaned back with me.
I stared up at the sky that was fading from its normal blue color into these beautiful colors of red, yellow, and orange.
"I miss what we had," Matteo mumbled.
I felt my throat go raw, "I know."
"You know?" he turned to me and propped himself up. "Only a fool wouldn't."
He smiled at me, "So are you saying you do as well?"
"I don't miss the headspace we were both in at that time, but the sex was fine."
"Just fine?" he teased.
"Yes," I said, turning around so I was in the same position.
"Come on, you don't think about those nights?"
"No, I am not a pervert."
He blinked slowly at me as he turned back so he was sitting up, "Guess it's always just been me," he said, looking at the pool behind us.
I let out a big sigh, "Ugh, fine, whatever, get over here," I said, and I pulled myself up into a standing position and then sat directly in his lap, "Is this what you wanted?"
I watched as his eyes frantically looked around, and I pushed him lightly, "Come on, you never used to freak out like this," I muttered.
"And you never used to want to take charge."
"Well, I guess with time, people change too," I said, and I felt our lips slowly touch each other. Just a peck, but all of these memories came rushing back to every single part of my body. All of those nights that we spent together. All of the nights that I spent thinking about him.
I should be angry, so fucking angry, but for some reason I am not. I'm really not angry, and all I want to do is fucking kiss him.
I put my hands in his hair as our lips smashed up against each other.
I felt his tongue invade my mouth as both of us continued to kiss each other.
His hands lingered down to my legs as he rubbed them up and down.
We continued to kiss as I pulled back to take a breath, "holy fuck," I said, and he started to kiss my jawline, "I miss this," he muttered into my jawline.
I sighed, I grabbed his jaw and brought him back for another kiss.
"Leo."
I blinked.
"Leo!" I watched as Matteo morphed into Dominic, and suddenly I was back in the convention, looking around.
"What is your problem?"
"Nothing, what just happened?"
"You were getting on me about daydreaming, but now look at you."
"Sorry, I am just hungry. Can we get some food?" I asked, and Dominic nodded, "Yeah, there's a good place around here, it's not that far of a walk."
The three of us started to walk, Dominic ahead as he pulled out his phone and put it to his ear, "yeah yeah…" his voice faded out as he walked farther ahead of us.
I felt Matteo nudge me, "What were you thinking about?"
"Nothing," I said, and I felt his hands run up the back of my leg. I felt myself shudder, "Was it about me?" he asked in a playful tone of voice.
"I'm not talking to you, bye. BYE," I said, getting louder at the end.
"So that's a yes?"
"You know it is, stop asking dumb questions," I said, crossing my arms across my chest as one of his hands rested on the small of my back as we walked.
"Were you thinking about our kiss?"
"Shut up."
He leaned in closer to my ear, "You know it made me so hard."
I pushed him slightly, "Dominic is right there," I gritted through my teeth.
"He can't hear us."
"Oh, I so can, but you two are lucky I am on the phone," Dominic said, turning around, and I rolled my eyes.
He turned back around and continued to try to walk faster than us.
"So what do you say, you wanna give us a chance one more time?" Matteo asked with his sexy ass eyes in this puppy-like form.
"You know I don't wanna go through that again, I really don't."
"Come on, please," Matteo begged.
"Matteo, you need to understand. I did that once, I don't want to go through that heartbreak over someone so fucking stupid. Not now, not ever," I said.
"Please. I know I made a mistake, and I truly regret it. I regret leaving you. And I love you so much. Even now, when I shouldn't. I want to be better for you. For us. I have gotten better. I have tried my hardest to be normal. To be the man you need, to be the man you want in life, please, just give me one more chance." It might have been the convention air.
Or maybe the smell of fucking ketchup that was tainting my senses, or that fact that I was still that still college kid who was so in love with him, that part of me wanted to give him another chance. Just like that. After all of this shit, all of this triumph and life, I was going to give him another chance like a damn fool.
Maybe I had completely lost my mind in the last couple of weeks, or maybe I never really got over him, but somehow the words came out. I said, "Okay." Just something simple that carried so much fucking weight it gave me nightmares.
"Okay?"
"But this time they will be rules. So many fcuking rules, oh my god. We are taking things slow. So slow, I want you to know," I said. But Matteo wasn't listening. I could tell he wasn't by the giant, creepy smile on his face.
"Okay, okay," he said.
"Matteo."
"Yes?"
"We are taking things slow, do you understand me?" I asked, and he nodded, "We are going to let Dominic and Ryder have their moment and then worry about us."
Matteo nodded like a fool.
And as Dominic got off the phone and pointed at the restaurant in front of us, I was somehow back in college again.
Back in that stupid lecture, learning a language I didn't care about, as that sexy man spoke perfect Mandarin at me.
Suddenly, I was that stupid college kid again, a damn fucking fool, who would Come Around Everytime.