Kōichi covered his mouth, his face ashen, wishing he could perform an on-the-spot self-detonation.
He refused to acknowledge that accidental kiss just now and kept spitting madly onto the ground, as if trying to spit out his very soul.
"Ptooey! Ptooey, ptooey! What the hell was that taste?! I swear, I've never tasted anything so disgusting in my life! It's a hundred times worse than Slime mucus!"
Kōichi gagged while glaring furiously at Megumin, but he did not dare tell the truth. He was afraid Kazuma's fragile little heart would shatter all over again, and even more afraid of the awkwardness if the two of them made eye contact.
Kazuma, however, was completely lost in his own fantasy.
His dead-fish eyes now shone with an inhuman glow, and a strange curve hung at the corners of his mouth. From time to time, he gently stroked his own lips, looking as if he were savoring an endless aftertaste.
"Ah... Megumin's kiss really was... really was amazing!" Kazuma sighed with deep emotion, completely ignoring Kōichi's physical reaction. "It was a little hard at first, and it had this... hmm, this rugged scent of masculine hormones, but that soul-piercing impact, that overpowering force that felt like it could shatter my very consciousness. As expected of the kiss of the Greatest Mage of the Crimson Demon Clan!"
Kōichi had just taken a sip of water to rinse his mouth, and nearly spat it out on the spot when he heard Kazuma's heartfelt confession.
He desperately suppressed the churning in his stomach, decided to pretend he had heard nothing, and quickly walked toward the village entrance as if he were checking on the enemy.
"And that unique taste... Hmm, how should I put it? It was a bit like sweat, dirt, and just a tiny hint of... stinky socks? But that's exactly what makes Megumin special! That's just who she is. Even her kiss has that untamed, carefree wild beauty! I feel like my entire being has been elevated!"
Kazuma closed his eyes in bliss and even took a deep breath, as if savoring that unique fragrance.
"Urgh..."
This time, Kōichi really could not hold it in and let out a clear dry heave.
A powerful wave of dizziness washed over him. This was even more despair-inducing than being chased by a Demon King's General.
Beside them, Aqua was already laughing so hard she could not straighten up, tears and snot streaming down her face. She pointed at Kōichi and Kazuma, letting out a shriek like a pig being slaughtered.
"Hahahahahaha! Kōichi, look at Kazuma! He described your taste perfectly! Masculine hormones! Rugged! Stinky socks! Hahahaha! As expected of Kazuma, that description is way too accurate!"
Megumin tried hard to keep a straight face, but the corners of her mouth kept twitching upward, her eyes shining with the satisfaction of a successful prank.
She cleared her throat and spoke to Kazuma with feigned seriousness.
"Hmph. You may be a hopeless pervert, but your taste is not bad. My kiss is, of course, not something ordinary mortals can easily withstand. However, since you have already felt an impact like Explosion Magic, please turn that power into the courage to protect Crimson Demon Village!"
"Yes! Megumin-sama! I will protect Crimson Demon Village! I will protect you... and your kiss!"
Kazuma was so moved that tears and snot streamed down his face, as if he had instantly transformed from a useless Adventurer into the protagonist of a hot-blooded manga.
He even clenched his fists and struck an incredibly exaggerated pose, his eyes burning with the flames known as love and benefits.
Darkness stood off to the side. She had originally been regretting the fact that she had not been able to participate in that shameful play, but after hearing Kazuma's description of the taste, her golden pupils instantly widened, and her cheeks flushed red at a visible speed.
She covered her mouth tightly with both hands, her body trembling slightly as she made strange "mm... mm..." sounds.
Kōichi had already given up struggling.
Looking at this group of bizarre teammates, he deeply felt as if he had been thrown into some enormous mental hospital.
Just as Kōichi was preparing to explain everything even if it killed him, all to stop that pervert from continuing to disgust him, the giant Magic Item above Crimson Demon Village suddenly let out a piercing screech.
"Hello, hello. Sound test, sound test. Can everyone hear me? Attention, villagers. This is the village office announcer." A completely unmotivated female voice came from the speaker, even carrying the lingering trace of a yawn. "Um... this is kind of troublesome, but it looks like a large number of Demon King's Army troops have gathered at the village entrance. Apparently, the leader claims to be a Demon King's General named Sylvia or something, and she's over there yelling about destroying the world. Any villagers who happen to have just finished bathing, or who are bored with nothing to do, please drop by the village entrance and shoo them away. Ah, remember to bring an umbrella. It looks like it might rain later. That is all."
The broadcast cut off abruptly, and the village fell silent for a moment.
Kōichi and Kazuma looked at each other. In that instant, their expressions achieved an astonishing level of synchronization. It was the despairing face of two men thinking, "This village is beyond saving."
"Hey... Kōichi, I heard that right, didn't I?"
Kazuma stiffly turned his head. Even the perverted flush from earlier had drained from his face.
"'Drop by and shoo them away'? That's a Demon King's General, right?! The kind of terrifying existence that slaughters cities at the drop of a hat and makes children stop crying just by being mentioned, right?! Why did that sound like she was telling people to pick up a rice ball from the convenience store while they're out?!"
"So this is Crimson Demon Village... This complete lack of crisis awareness is even more despair-inducing than Aqua's intelligence."
Kōichi finally stopped gagging. He wiped his mouth and looked toward the village entrance with a complicated expression.
"Hahahaha! Since a General came right to our doorstep, isn't this the perfect time for this Goddess to show what she can do?!"
Aqua excitedly waved her staff. The energy she had built up from mocking Kōichi had not faded at all, and she was now in some inexplicably hyper state.
"Watch me purify that Sylvia or whatever into a puddle of dirty water! Kazuma, Kōichi, hurry up and follow me! If we get there too late, those bored villagers might really shoo her away first!"
Megumin's eyes lit up as well. The awkwardness from earlier had left her somewhat flustered, but now her whole body seemed to catch fire.
"A Demon King's General... Sylvia, was it? Perfect. I was thinking that if today's Explosion Magic did not find a suitably loud target, it would be an insult to the resolve I just showed."
As she spoke, she glanced meaningfully at Kazuma, making him flash that disgusting pervert smile again.
"Mmm... A Demon King's General? Being ravaged by such an evil being, or surrounded by countless Orcs..."
Darkness was already panting heavily, clutching her own shoulders as her face turned so red it looked ready to bleed. "Hurry! We have to hurry to the village entrance! We absolutely cannot let the villagers get there first!"
Kōichi looked at this group of teammates, each harboring their own ulterior motives and not a single one of them normal, and let out a deep sigh.
Although he truly wanted to get away from that pervert Kazuma, it seemed that only battle could wash away the memory of that nauseating first kiss.
When the group hurried to the village entrance, the scene before them once again refreshed Kōichi's understanding of reality.
A dense mass of Orcs and Undead legions stood in neat formation outside the village. Leading them was indeed that incredibly curvaceous older woman in revealing leather armor, with long, bright red hair. Demon King's General, Chimera Sylvia.
However, faced with such a display, the villagers of Crimson Demon Village...
"Hey, General over there, your opening speech is way too long. Can we skip it and just fight? I've still got potatoes stewing at home."
A passing Crimson Demon Clan auntie carrying a vegetable basket shouted impatiently.
"Exactly, exactly. That entrance pose just now was an eighty out of a hundred, but the smoke from the background explosion wasn't vivid enough. It had no soul at all!"
Another young Crimson Demon Clan man in pajamas stood nearby, gesturing and criticizing.
Sylvia was trembling with rage, her huge chest heaving up and down as she roared furiously.
"You bastards! Show some respect! I am a Demon King's General! I am Sylvia, here to destroy your village! Tremble! Wail in terror!"
"You're too loud! If you're going to fight, then hurry up and fight!" the villagers replied in unison.
The corner of Kōichi's mouth twitched, and he whispered to Kazuma.
"Kazuma... I suddenly feel like Sylvia is kind of pitiful."