If you have nothing to say, can I go?" Iseul asked, irritated by her silence.
They stood beneath the plum blossoms. He used to love their familiar scent, but in Sia's presence, the fragrance felt like it was clawing at him. It opened doors to too many agonizing memories.
"Are you never going to talk to me again?" At her weak voice, Iseul shot her a sharp, sidelong glare.
How could she act so innocent after everything she had done?
"Get to the point, Sia." She offered a small, painful smile at his bitter tone.
Standing right beside her, he felt worlds away. Her eyes filled with tears. Gathering every ounce of courage, she swallowed the lump in her throat and cleared her voice.
"Do you know why I killed him?" At her softly whispered question, the hair on Iseul's neck stood up. The thing he didn't even want to think about, she was saying it so casually. She really was a killer!
"No, I don't know. And I'm not interested in knowing." He started to walk away quickly when her cold voice anchored his feet to the spot.
"He wanted to rape me."
The air suddenly turned suffocating. The wind seemed to stop dead. It became a struggle for Iseul to breathe.
A lie! Bullshit! He was her biological father. Except for her eyes, she looked exactly like him. It was impossible. No father could even think of such a thing.
Noe Tai-shik was a cheat and a fraud, but he was still human. He couldn't do that. It was a crime, a sin, a filth.
Iseul didn't move an inch. Breath hitched, he stood like a statue in a state of frozen disbelief. Sia walked up and stood beside him.
"It was hard for me to believe, too. So I'm not telling you this so you'll believe me... just listen to me. Maybe someday in your life, you'll understand me and stop hating me." She fell silent and wiped her tear streaked face with the sleeve of her sweater.
"For a few months, I noticed a strange change in his behavior. I couldn't put a name to it... and the truth was beyond my wildest imagination. He... he would make comments about my body that a father shouldn't make. Double meanings. Filthy jokes. Forcing me to be near him... My sixth sense was screaming at me, but I refused to listen. I cursed myself. How could I doubt my own father's intentions? How disgusting was I? My head felt like it was going to explode all the time. It felt like someone was pouring boiling water over my brain. I grew terrified of going home, especially at night. Whenever he came in, I went out. That's why I started hanging around your house so much. Near your home, I felt a sense of security." She paused, taking a few deep breaths. The tears were stuck in her throat again.
"But despite that dread, my heart wasn't ready to accept the truth. I thought maybe I just wasn't used to a father's love, maybe that's why it felt weird. It couldn't be that he..." She left the sentence unfinished and leaned back against the tree trunk for support.
"That grave in the backyard... he dug it, Iseul! I watched him from my bedroom window. It was shaped exactly like a grave. Who do you think he made that grave for? I can tell you for sure, it wasn't for himself. My mind was alerting me again, but my heart kept denying it. Even though I ignored my mind, I don't know why, but I acted in front of him like I knew nothing about that grave. Then, on that cursed day, he told me to come home early. He said he had a surprise for me. My sixth sense was ringing a constant alarm. I didn't know what to do. My heart wanted to beg you to give me shelter, or to run away with me. But time passed, and I couldn't say a thing. I had to go back. If I didn't go home, where else would I go? If I just wandered around, he would have found me easily. What could I do? No matter what kind of girl people think i am, in the end i'm just a girl, right?? I have my weaknesses, too. That night, when I went home, he was there with some shopping bags. Then.... that same forced affection. I told myself again I'm just not used to a father's touch, that's why this feels strange. Anyway, he pulled a disgusting dress out of a bag and told me to wear it. He said he wanted to see how much his 'pretty daughter' had grown up!"
Iseul instinctively rubbed his chest. Every hair on his body was standing up. It felt like ants were crawling over his skin. He wanted to tell her to shut up, but his voice was lost somewhere.
"Then, I took the dress to my room, and locked the door.. That dress was not something a daughter could ever wear in front of her father. Not a normal daughter in Gwangju, never! When I didn't come out for fifteen or twenty minutes, he knocked on the door. I started making excuses, but for how long? He probably realized the situation that his daughter really had grown up enough to understand this kind of situation... He started cursing at me. Threatening me! In that moment, I wanted to call you or the police because there was no veil left. No hope left. His devilish intent was out in the open. I looked for my phone, but then I remembered I'd left it in the lounge in my panic. What could I do but wait? He was ready to break the door down. I was ready to die. I thought it was better to die with my dignity. As I opened the window, he somehow managed to pick the lock. Then... a strange chaos broke out. A state of madness took over both of us. I couldn't match his physical strength, Iseul! Only by a luck, he tripped over something and fell. I started hitting him with whatever I could find. I didn't want to kill him. Not at all. Believe me, even after all this, the daughter in me still loves her father. But at that moment, I wasn't in my control. By the time I came to my senses, he was dead. There was blood everywhere. Realizing I had killed him, I locked myself in the bathroom. After crying my heart out, I changed my bloody clothes and called you. Believe me, I didn't think for a second that you would come to my house at that hour. I thought you wouldn't come, and I'd just sit there on the porch... until his body rotted and the stench spread. The neighbors would call the police. They would come and take me... and that would be the end of Noe Sia's story. But you came!" Pushing the painful memories aside for a moment, she looked at Iseul's back with eyes blurred by tears. He was still standing there. Motionless.
"In your presence Iseul, I became obsessed about survive. I felt like fate wanted to give me a chance. I realized I was the victim. My story shouldn't end here! The desire to survive became a madness. On the other hand, you were so ready to send me to jail without hearing a word. In that moment, you felt like a huge traitor to me. Whatever happened after that was right in front of you. I wasn't myself then. I am ashamed of all of it. I can't do anything else but be ashamed. God forbid, if this ever comes out, rest assured, no one will be able to harm you. After you left, I wiped away every trace of anyone else being in that house. What's done is done. It's good that you've found decent friends who won't take advantage of you. You are moving forward in your life. Erase what happened from your mind. Rid your heart of the fear that I will harm you. I won't even bother you by staring anymore." She gave a hollow laugh.
"I've told you everything. I hope that even if not now, then later, if you ever remember me, you won't remember me in bad words. And yes, a few days after that night, I had a panic attack. I had a nightmare, so close to reality... in my fear, I forgot the difference between the dream and the truth. It was in that fear that I went to your house and tried to open the lock. Did Mr. Kang tell you? It was probably the last day of February.... I want to tell you, I had no intention of scaring you that day. I was terrified myself. But I've recovered quite a bit now. From today, let's just be as if we never knew each other. I'm sorry for the mental torture you had to go through." Her voice sank at the end. She passed in front of him like a wind. She turned a corner and vanished from sight, but Iseul's eyes remained fixed on that path. In that moment, he was conscious of nothing... not even himself.
"Iseul! Iseul!! Are you listening? Where are you lost?" Ara's loud voice pulled him back to reality. He looked at Ara standing before him with the eyes of a stranger.
"What happened to you? What did Sia say? Why are you crying???" There was deep concern in Ara's voice.
"Crying?" Murmuring in surprise, Iseul patted his wet cheeks with his hands.
"It's nothing, let's go to class." Obviously, he wasn't going to tell anyone the reason.
"Actually, Ara, you go to class. I'll freshen up and come." Reaching near the water tank, he spoke without looking at Ara. Seeing his state, Ara didn't argue.
Once she was gone, he walked with heavy steps to the tank. After splashing his face blindly with water, he turned off the tap. Taking deep breaths, he was in no position to understand anything right now.
He spent the rest of the school day sitting apart with his head down on his desk. Poor Ara stayed worried for him while managing the teachers.
To understand the situation, she looked at Sia. she was sitting lost and silent as always.
It was pure confusion. Ara herself didn't understand why she was becoming so overwhelmed for the two of them.
*********
Only he knew how he had passed the time at the academy. Many times, the urge to get up and run away had risen in his heart.
Several times he wanted to scream, but he wasn't brave enough for that yet.
Returning home, he thought he would go straight to his room and crawl into bed. But as he entered, Mr. Kang's girlfriend and two more guests were there who, he learned, were her children.
The presence of guests at this moment annoyed him intensely, but forcing his heart, he sat on the sofa with a fake smile plastered on his face. Mr. Kang's politeness at this moment was something to behold.
"Iseul, Sung-hee and I have decided to get married." As he made this announcement, his face was glowing.
Iseul was stunned.
The happiness spread across Mr. Kang's face wasn't an act. It wasn't a deception. It was genuine joy, the kind Iseul was seeing for the first time. He couldn't help but smile softly. Even if it wasn't for him, at least for someone else, his father looked truly happy.
"I'm very happy for both of you," he uttered the traditional sentence.
"Aww, so sweet," Miss Sung-hee said with fake affection.
"Sung-hee and her children will be living in our house from today. And listen to this fun coincidence. Jun-su is same as your age which means you both could share a class. He'll be joining your school soon and will go to school with you and Ara," Mr. Kang added. Iseul just nodded.
This coincidence has no "fun" at all!
"Who is Ara? Is she our Iseul's girlfriend? Aww."
"Aww" was apparently this woman's catchphrase.
"Who knows? She could be," Mr. Kang said, affectionately ruffling Iseul's hair.
"She's a very lovely girl. Because of her, Iseul has even started focusing on his studies."
"Awww, then she can't be just a friend," Miss Sung-hee said, trying way too hard to be cute. To Iseul, she felt incredibly fake.
"No, it's nothing like that. She's just my friend." Iseul didn't appreciate the joke.
"Fine, if you say so, we'll believe it," Mr. Kang continued teasing. Iseul just smiled half heartedly.
After a few more words, when they allowed him to go to his room, he stood up without a second's delay.
"Until Jun-su and Jae-hwan's rooms are set up, they'll both be staying in your room with you. Take them with you and show them your room." Mr. Kang spoke with a smile, but his tone was threatening.
Iseul's face went pale. At this moment, he only wanted to stay alone. The more he craved peace, the heavier this day was becoming.
With a tight smile, he invited the two boys to come along.
Ten year old Jae-hwan went happily toward the room, while Jun-su's shoulder slammed into Iseul's with great force. Rubbing his shoulder, Iseul looked at Jun-su in shock. Jun-su turned back, tossed a wicked smile his way, and walked toward the room.
Iseul didn't like his attitude one bit.
His head was throbbing with pain.
Perhaps peace just wasn't written in his life.
Continue