My eyes snapped open, the light of the room making me regret it already.
I awoke falling backwards with my chair, having dozed off while balancing on its back legs. My feet, which rested on the counter, jerked up and threw me off balance.
Luckily, I lifted my head just in time. This way, it didn't hit the ground, something that couldn't be said about the rest of my body.
"Ugh..." I groaned out in pain.
Now I let the back of my head hit the ground.
Looking at the ceiling, I wondered how high I would need to hang a noose, given my height.
As I realised what I was thinking, I sighed.
I don't want to go back to therapy. It was so boring...
A faint laughter echoed next to me. Just loud enough for me to hear. Yet when I turned my head towards it, all I saw was the dark brown wainscot of the green wall, barely a metre away from me.
One would think I'd got used to it all by now.
The laughter that only I could hear. The voice whispering into my ear. The vivid nightmares.
Oh, how "fun" those were…
They start out all the same.
Pain.
Sometimes just pain. Other times I witnessed the process, vividly — hanging, burning, drowning…
And then, once I felt myself fading and I didn't even know who I was, the play would begin.
My role was something between an actor and an onlooker. I thought I did things, but "my" body moved on its own. I felt things, but those feelings weren't my own. Except for one.
A sense of familiarity.
For some reason, I felt close to the things I saw. Even if some of them were so unlike everything else I had ever seen in this world.
When I realised the truth, that it was all a dream, the play would end. But it would always start again.
It used to be months, then weeks. Now? Now it was merely a matter of days.
Even so, I would endure. Not that there was much else for me to do.
I should have gone insane a while ago, and yet I didn't.
Not even I know why. I just didn't.
I let out a sigh.
"I hate Mondays..."
With another groan, I slowly got up, stretched my back, and yawned once I was standing.
When I opened my eyes, I noticed I wasn't alone anymore. On the other side of the counter stood a familiar woman, her arms crossed.
Great…
Just what I needed right now.
She was perhaps half a head shorter than me. The long, bright green summer dress and white apron she wore suited her well, emphasising her mature figure. With her light brown hair, light green eyes, and pretty face, she was quite the beauty, though the expression she wore wasn't exactly the most pleasing.
For a while, we stared at each other wordlessly. The silence of the empty bookstore wasn't helping to make the situation less uncomfortable. Now that I looked closer, her eyes seemed to be only a few shades lighter than mine.
Well then.. Time to put on an act again.
I could afford to look insane — not for a few more days at least.
"You know..." Seeing as she wasn't going to say anything, I eventually started to speak. "I'm not sure if this is your 'waiting for an explanation' or 'I want an apology' face, Mrs Walker. Maybe I should go and ask Max which one it is?"
Max was Mrs Walker's son and my sole friend in this entire city.
My words didn't seem to please her; her expression only grew more sour.
"Dear Alexander," She began, her usual sweet tone sounding a bit different than usual. "Can you explain to me what you were doing just now? I could swear I told you to reorganise the fairy tales' section."
"I was on my lunch break."
She looked down at the counter, then leaned to the side and glanced behind me.
"Is that so? You must have been really hungry; you didn't leave anything behind."
"Oh, no. I left my lunch at home." I said, smiling.
With a loud sigh, Mrs Walker put a hand to her temple.
"Darling, you can be a real pain in the ass sometimes."
"Yeah, I've heard that before," I said, still smiling and scratching my face. Then I noticed my glasses were missing.
Looking down, I found them just a few centimetres from my feet.
At least I didn't step on it.
I can be lucky too, it seems.
I picked them up and checked for any damage. There didn't seem to be any, so I put them on, brushing a few strands of my hair away in the process.
I considered cutting it at one point. It's almost long enough to reach the middle of my back now. But I've grown to like it this way.
"Well, that was a lovely chat. Better get back to work, though."
I was about to walk away, but...
"Stay."
Mrs Walker seemed to have other plans for me. Lovely. Just when I thought I could laze the rest of the day away, too.
"Before your little...accident... I was just about to ask you to run some errands for me."
Just the mention of going outside made me groan involuntarily.
"I can hear the fairies calling out to me. They are saying: "Don't go, Alex. Come help us." Clearly, they need me more. Better hurry up."
Circling the counter, I tried to make a quick getaway to said section, but something or more likely someone, grabbed my shirt's collar and dragged me back.
"Honestly... If you are so opposed to working, why did you offer to help in the first place? You could have gone to the festival too."
The festival to celebrate the founding of our beautiful city, Veritas, the capital of Luminis. And to mourn the passing of the man who made this country what it is today, the great founder, Solomon.
"Oh, I'm not against working, Mrs Walker. Truly. I owe Max one, so helping at the store while he's out with his father is my way of repaying him. I just don't do well with boredom.
Not to mention Mother won't ask me to take Lily to the festival this way.
Summer is the worst.
She seemed to have believed me, as her grip on my collar loosened. Shaking her head, Mrs Walker reached out to adjust my glasses.
"Don't even mention it. Max has been nervous the whole week. He's driving me crazy. It's just a trip outside the city. You know, when he was born, I hoped he wouldn't be as stone-faced as his father, but I'm starting to regret it. He overthinks everything. Like the time he..."
Yes, that's it, keep talking.
That way, I might escape having to go outside.
As Mrs Walker, fully immersed in her little speech, continued berating my poor friend, I noticed something behind her that caught my eye.
A book seemed to lift off one of the lower shelves and levitate up. Once it reached the top of the shelf, a pale hand grabbed it.
On top of the bookshelf, lying on his side, was a dark-robed figure with his back facing me. He opened the book, moving it closer to his hooded head and out of my view.
"Hm... How boring..." His words flowed smoothly, making one want to keep listening.
The voice was one I knew too well. After all, I just heard him speak, laugh and shoot me.
The figure slowly sat up, turning towards me. An unnatural darkness clung to the inside of his hood and robe, hiding the parts he didn't want to be seen. Only the lower part of his face and his hands were left exposed.
"Daydreaming while in a conversation? Very rude. You should sleep more at night."
I tried to open my mouth and snap back at him, but couldn't. It was almost as if it was glued shut.
The figure raised his hand and held the book up. He closed it, looking at the cover and dragging a finger over its surface.
"Here, you can have this."
The book was thrown forward, towards the back of Mrs Walker's head.
I still remember how I reacted to such things a year ago.
The many times the spectre appeared and played a prank on me. How I thought them real.
I made a fool of myself many times.
Worst is, I couldn't even explain it.
Each time I tried to talk about the thing I was experiencing, the nightmares, the whispers, the apparitions, even the memory of them faded from my mind for a while.
That's how I ended up in therapy. After I… almost did something I would regret.
I watched as the book got closer, almost hitting the woman's head.
Then it vanished, along with the figure on top of the shelf. The same laughter as before echoed in my ears.
"Hey. Hey! Alex! Are you listening?"
I blinked a few times. Mrs Walker was snapping her fingers right in front of my face.
Looking at her, she seemed slightly annoyed, though there was something else mixed into her expression as well.
"Oh, I'm sorry," I said with a smile, rubbing the back of my head. "I spaced out for a bit."
Worry. There was a slight hint of worry in her expression.
"Are you alright, dear? Did you hurt your head? Your mother told me you seem to space out sometimes. Is everything alright?"
I smiled at her.
What can you do when you aren't even allowed to break?
You keep on moving forward, waiting for your chance.
That's what I've been doing for a while now. That's what I will do until I get my answers.
"Just a bit tired." I answered, "I had to wake up earlier than usual to get here. A headache, that's all."
Technically, that wasn't a lie. My head was starting to hurt. But that's because of the other thing.
My other little secret. The one I technically could share. Though with a much different, much steeper price. One I wouldn't want to pay.