Cole suddenly looks away, glancing at his wrist watch once again. "You shouldn't stay back this late every time," he mumbles as he sits up to gather his papers.
"Why?" I ask, though I already know.
The lecturer's jaw tightens. "Because people talk."
I huff. "Why do you seem nervous, Dr. Cole? Only a nervous or anxious person cares about what people say, so why do you care?"
He hesitates to respond, avoiding my eyes as much as possible. That alone is answer enough.
"I cannot deny having anxiety over these meetings, Ms. Stone, because they have grown too informal," Cole finally replies. "If we are to have more one-on-one classes, I would prefer you meet me in my office, where there is a mini lecture hall available."
"Dr. Cole, are you saying you don't feel this… friction between us… as much as I do? You asked me why I changed all of a sudden. What if it's not about your lectures but about you? What if… what if I like you?"
Cole rounds up stacking his property into his bag and zips it up. "Look, Ms. Stone, I may be teaching literature, but I did not tell you to write a whole story in your head. Whatever life you're living in your mind, I hope it's about your happiness and not some fantasies that will jeopardize your education." He rises to his feet. "I will assign you a tutor. Whatever you don't understand, meet them instead of me."
I spring up and make my way towards the exit door while grumbling, "I don't need any tutor."
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I skipped literature classes for three days that week. I've not been able to bring myself to face Cole again after that sordid embarrassment.
Tonight, like the past three days, I would have been at home by now. But the rain started at noon and is still going strong.
Most of the people without private cars are stuck in the school building. Like me.
I'm sitting in the dance practice hall while going through my phone. Then, all of a sudden, thunder cracks, lightning strikes, the lights flicker and go off, and I scream with a shudder. All at once.
I'm the only one in the hall, so that freaks me out the more as I scramble to turn on my phone light. However, my shaky fingers fail to find the torch button.
I don't hear the door creak open due to the storm; I don't see someone come into the hall either until a torchlight suddenly flashes on me overhead.
I scream again, this time tossing my phone away and trying to spring to my feet but failing.
Whoever it is bends down and presses their hands on my shoulders. "Shh. Hold still."
I calm down only because I recognize that voice. The torch is still on my face, but I've already figured out who it is.
"Dr. Cole?" The man has a private car, so… "Why… why are you still on campus?"
Cole lets me go and sets the torchlight on the floor. Now it's no longer flashed on my face, and I see the lecturer clearly.
He's clad in a suit, as usual. He wears a different color, texture, style, and brand every time.
"Are you afraid of storms?" Dr. Cole asks, softer than usual.
I laugh nervously. "A little."
To my surprise, the man takes off his suit jacket and hands it to me. I accept and drape it on my shoulders, watching with wide eyes as Cole sits down beside me.
I start to panic.
It feels like I can hear my own thumping heartbeats above the heavy rain. And I hope Cole won't see my chest rising. I mean, if I were to speak now, I may just gasp.
"I know you're freezing, and you just wanna go home and cuddle your pillows for warmth, but I'm kinda glad the rain came down," Cole speaks above the rain.
"Why?" I reply.
"Because it made you stay."
Those words hang above my head for a while. Then they begin to sink one after the other.
"What did you just say?" I blurt out.
Cole suddenly laughs. "Gosh…" he groans, "merely sitting my butt here is a mistake, Lilac." Wait. Did he just say… Lilac? Did he call me by my name? "But… sometimes, mistakes keep calling to you to make them. Unless you do, you'll never know peace."
I turn to look at the man. The flashlight illuminates most parts of his face, but the shadows also fall on the perfect spots—like around his eyes.
He looks at me too. For a long minute, we just remain that way, staring at each other, our eyes feeding information to the other.
Soon, the storm calms, and everywhere grows quiet. I can even tell the people on campus have started creeping to their houses.
"Do you think it's appropriate for someone as young as you are to like a man in his middle thirties?" He mumbles, his voice sounding really close to my ears.
"How can you tell that it's not? I don't think there's anything wrong with having feelings for someone. In fact, I think nothing is more right than being emotionally connected to another person."
Cole smiles. "You are different," he whispers in a hoarse tone.
I shake my head and whisper back, "You don't even know me."
"I want to."
Three words. That is all it takes for the bridge to collapse beyond repair. That's all it takes for the line between discipline and emotions to blur.
I watch Cole's face draw near in the slight darkness. Some hidden magnet between us pulls mine towards his too.