The students started to disperse the moment the lecture ended. But I sat tight. And I'm still sitting tight, resting my elbows on the desk as I watch Cole pack his stuff.
Once done, he sits down behind the desk. I assume he's waiting for the hall to clear out before leaving. So, I'll wait with him.
The students cover Cole from time to time as they line out, but I manage to spy him from between them.
When they have completely exited the hall, I realize I'm staring directly at the man, and he's not shying away from my stare either.
The old me would have looked down shyly. I would have chuckled out of embarrassment, and my face would be flushed red already. But none of these are the case now.
Instead, there's a strange adrenaline spreading through me, trying to convince me to spring to my feet and dart to this man.
Should I call it love adrenaline?
Wait… love? Isn't that stretching too far?
Where the hell did I get this courage, by the way?
"Ms. Stone," the lecturer suddenly speaks up, his voice bouncing around the walls of the hall. I nearly shudder. "Do you want a job, to be the keeper of this hall?" he asks.
I let out an awkward chuckle. "I… am having a bit of an issue processing the class, sir." Getting up, I go down the hall to where Cole is sitting, standing in front of his desk while crossing my hands in front of my thighs. "I don't understand what you taught today, sir."
Cole diverts his gaze from me as he glances at his watch. "What part, Ms. Stone?"
"The entire class."
Cole raises a brow at me and holds it up for a long time while giving me a 'I can't believe you' expression. Then he huffs a smile before leaning forward to the table, placing his elbows on it.
"Get my laptop from that bag, will you?" he asks as he points to a black duffel bag on the floor.
I do as he says without hesitation and watch as he navigates the device.
"Ms. Stone, you have just insinuated that I wasted an hour of my time teaching," he mumbles. His voice has dropped lower and is throaty, and it does something crazy in my stomach.
I don't know the exact moment when I start to hold my breath or when I let my lips hang open.
"Come here." Cole gestures with his fingers for me to come close. I do so immediately, bending down a little to look into his laptop.
He starts repeating his lecture from earlier while expecting my eyes to be stuck on the laptop screen. But, from time to time, I side-glance his face.
The proportion of it is just right. The sharpened edges of his jaws and chin do something unlawful to me.
All I can think of right now is how I want to lick the scarce beads of sweat sliding down the side of his face. And… most of all, how I want to kiss those lips.
I've never been with a man before. I haven't grown the courage to do so. However, somehow, this new lecturer let something lose in me—a wild side, a part of me that craved attention, a part of me that needed to backslide but didn't have the motivation to.
It's like a dam crumbled and let the ocean run.
While my morals and upbringing are the dam, my raw, unknown side is the ocean.
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Many more classes after that first class ended with the same excuse.
'Sir, I didn't get you.'
'What did you say this was again?'
'You got the years wrong. This is when it actually happened.'
Those were the well-thought words I used to strike more extra one-on-one lectures. Often times the lectures would drag till night. And I so much loved it.
After eight days of finally starting to enjoy literature classes, I now find myself walking down to Dr. Cole once again on the ninth day for another one-on-one lecture born out of pretense.
However, he must be exhausted already, as he sighs on seeing me. "Please do not tell me you missed something again, Ms. Stone." He's almost groaning.
I shake my head, flashing a wide smile. "Don't worry. I'm not making you re-lecture me today. In fact, I was thinking I could ask you about something I found out in the content of the future lecture instead."
I lay my book on Cole's desk and start riffling through it. Although I'm looking down at it, I can tell that the lecturer is looking at me.
"I see you read ahead," he says.
I look up to meet his gaze that lingers on me longer than necessary.
My cheeks grow warm. "I like to be prepared now."
Or maybe I just like being seen.
"I heard from some of your peers that you rarely spoke to anyone or participated in class activities like you do now. Is there a reason for the sudden change?"
I shrug, turning to the book again. "Maybe you're just that good of a teacher."
Cole laughs. It's the first time I'm hearing him laugh. In truth, I don't even know what's funny about what I said, but I'm happy I made him step past his smirks.
Now I wish I could make him laugh often. That will certainly fill my stomach in a good way.
More days passed with more extra hours with Cole.
Soon, we start diving into conversations that aren't even about the subject, or the course, or even school anymore.
"Do you like… love animals? Cos I do. I love rabbits. Like… a lot," I confess while being seated on a stool adjacent Cole, the desk standing as the only barrier between us.
Cole leans back in his swivel seat and turns it slowly from left to right. He doesn't even realize he's manspreading. "I do not like dogs," he admits.
"How about cats?"
His exposed crotch keeps drawing my eyes under the desk no matter how I try to stop myself.
"I grew up in a place pretty much surrounded by cats, so I guess…" Cole shrugs. "Yeah?"
"Well… meow." I smile as I let out an awkward chuckle. What the hell am I even doing?
But that question doesn't matter now, does it? It has already been spilled, and Cole now has an idea of what's really happening, as he suddenly stops swiveling his seat and stares deep into my eyes.
His blue irises pierce past my brown ones. I feel like they could reach my soul at this point.
Time stills. Everything falls into slow motion—Cole blinking, him breathing, or is it his stare diverting to my lips in a split second before returning to my eyes?
The tension is almost unbearable. Strong sexual tension. One that isn't even meant to exist. Except, it does now.