A brief moment of peace returned to the Amami household once summer vacation ended and our daughter, Yuu, started going back to school.
Yuu has always been a talkative and lively child, but her energy this summer felt almost boisterous. After her supplementary classes ended in late July, it seemed like she and our dog, Rocky, were constantly racing around the house. She had a sleepover at the beach with her friends and was even given an important role in the recent sports festival. I had been watching over her from a distance as she enthusiastically took on both fun activities and school events.
"Well then, Mom, I'm heading out!"
"Have a good day… Oh, Yuu, you're leaving quite early today. Do you have plans with Umi-chan and the others?"
"Nope. I just happened to wake up unusually early, so I thought I'd leave a bit sooner for a change of pace. Um, is it… weird?"
"Not really. You're as impulsive as ever, I see."
"Mmm, Mom, you're so mean~! I've been attending school without being late or absent so far, you know… even if I just barely get a pass a few days a year. Ehehe."
"…This makes me worry about the parent-teacher conference next month. Well, anyway, have a good day."
"Okay~! Well then, Rocky, you be a good boy while I'm gone, okay?"
"──Woof!"
After patting our youngest family member on the head, my daughter energetically headed off to school.
She might be trying to be considerate of me, but in front of my husband and me, she always puts on her usual cheerful and ever-changing expressions. However, I've noticed that once she steps out the door and confirms no one is around, a lonely look clouds her face. To be honest, I started seeing signs of this a little while ago… probably around the beginning of June or July, and by August, I was almost certain.
She still has her appetite, and her complexion isn't bad. It's unlikely that she's physically unwell, which probably means it's a problem with her relationships. Given her personality, I doubt she would be isolated or bullied in her class, but as a parent, I can't help but worry.
"Could it be that she got into another fight with someone…? But she said she's gotten along great with that Arae-san she used to butt heads with."
I still don't know the reason, but if she doesn't want to talk about it, then as a parent, I have no choice but to continue watching over her. My daughter can be stubborn in her own way, and I'd be in a bind if I forced the issue and she got upset.
"…For now, I guess I'll think about it while I clean up."
For a change of pace, I decided to start by tidying up the messy house. My husband is a neat freak, but my daughter takes after me in her sloppiness, so the Amami household is often quite messy compared to the well-organized Asanagi family home.
I cleaned the kitchen area, the living room, the guest room, and our bedroom in order. Finally, I went to my daughter's room.
"Yuu, I'm coming in── Seriously, you've made such a mess again… Not that I'm one to talk."
I don't mind her leaving for school early, but if she has spare time, it would save me a lot of trouble if she'd clean her own room first. Reference books and notebooks were scattered carelessly on her desk, and the pajamas she'd worn last night were tossed on her bed… My daughter will be an adult next year; I'd really like her to be more responsible.
Just as I was tidying up—occasionally grumbling about my daughter's sloppy habits, vacuuming the carpet, and putting reference books and manga back on the bookshelf—I noticed something.
A single sheet of what looked like stationery had fallen under the desk.
"? What's this… It doesn't look like trash."
I wonder if it fell out of the back of a drawer. It was neatly folded into a square, but the paper was crumpled, as if it had been balled up, thrown away, and then picked up again… It's hard to decide whether to throw something like this away.
"Is this, by any chance, a letter…?"
Even if it's an unfinished draft, a letter is still a letter. My daughter has her privacy, so even as her mother, I have to be careful. But when I saw the name it was addressed to, I couldn't stop myself from reading on. Some parts were scribbled out with a ballpoint pen, but most of it was still legible.
The letter, written in my daughter's handwriting, contained this message.
───────────────
August 6th
To Maki-kun──
Happy 17th birthday! I should probably celebrate for last year too, but we weren't friends back then, so I'll celebrate twice in this letter. Happy birthday, Maki-kun!! I used two exclamation points for two celebrations. Ehehe.
Maki-kun, thank you for always looking out for me and Umi, and for Nina-chi and Seki-kun, too. I know you're probably doing it for Umi's sake, but we are who we are now because of you, so I'm really, really grateful.
At the beginning of our first year, I thought you might be a bit hard to approach. But now that we're proper friends, eating lunch together and sometimes hanging out with everyone after school… I've come to realize that you're actually a very kind person who thinks a lot about others.
I should have realized it sooner and offered you a helping hand myself, but in the end, I relied on Umi. I'm truly sorry about that.
Oops, sorry for talking about something like this when I'm supposed to be congratulating you.
Thank you, Maki-kun. It hasn't even been a year since we became friends, but somehow it feels like we've been close for years. I wonder why. Is it because you're my best friend's boyfriend that I'm just getting the wrong impression? That's probably it, but then again, that doesn't feel quite right either.
Anyway, I think this is all your fault for being too kind. Just kidding.
But that's what's so great about you. It's not the kind of superficial kindness that other people have. You properly consider everyone's feelings and confront them head-on, which is why I think Umi, Nina-chi, Seki-kun, and I are all by your side.
You often say things like, 'It's all thanks to Umi that everyone's here, I'm just an extra,' but ■ is── k■■■■■■■
───────────────
The letter was cut off, but I could somehow guess why my daughter had stopped writing. She probably started it with the intention of giving it along with a birthday present. It was written about a month ago, it was supposed to be for a 'friend' she had made in high school. To give a message of gratitude along with a present… It's a cliché, but it's a very heartfelt gesture, and I personally like it.
…If only the recipient weren't the person her best friend, Umi-chan, is in love with.
"I should probably pretend I never saw this… I'm sorry, Yuu."
I apologized in my heart to my daughter, who was probably on her way to school with a glum look on her face, and gently placed the stationery back in the very back of the drawer where it seemed to have been originally stored.
And then, I understood.
I understood what was troubling my daughter so much.
"Hey, Mom."
"What is it?"
"Um, do you think I can do it too? Find a boy who brings out a side of me I never knew I had, like Umi did."
"Of course, you can. You're the child of a mother and father who love each other very much, so I'm sure you'll be fine."
"I see. Hehe, you're right… Well, that's good then."
I suddenly remembered the conversation I had with my daughter when she said that she hadn't had her first love yet. Knowing her, I thought 'that day' would come soon—that even if she didn't worry about it, 'that person' would appear before she knew it.
…But I never imagined it would turn out like this.
By writing down her feelings as they came to her, my daughter had become aware of 'it.'
How does she plan to deal with these feelings…
Feelings that that she knows are wrong, yet can't bring herself to throw away…
Feelings she can only hide in the back of a drawer?
Even as an adult, I don't know what the right answer is, and I probably never will.