Chapter 59: The Gourmet Bribe
Lumine's hands moved with practiced agility. With a sharp flick of her wrists, she whipped out the [Gourmet Tablecloth] she had just pulled from the system gacha. The fabric unfurled with a crisp snap, snapping taut like a magician's grand reveal right in front of Paimon's face.
"Stop hitting, stop hitting! Paimon, look! What is this?" Lumine coaxed, her voice dripping with honeyed temptation.
It was as if someone had slammed a pause button on reality. Paimon's flailing little fists, which had been raining ineffective blows against Lumine's shoulder, instantly froze in mid-air.
Tears of shame and indignation still clung to the corners of the fairy's eyes, but the moment her gaze locked onto the familiar pattern of the tablecloth, those big eyes practically exploded with starlight. The sheer brilliance radiating from her pupils easily outshined the purple gacha glow from moments ago.
"This... this is!" Paimon's previous humiliation vanished into thin air. She zipped forward, hovering directly over the fabric. Her tiny finger pointed at the cloth, her voice pitching up into a squeak of pure, unadulterated excitement. "Is this the same [Gourmet Tablecloth] from the system? The one that can summon absolutely any food you want just by saying its name?!"
"That's exactly right!" Lumine nodded, a wide, triumphant smile spreading across her face as she gave the tablecloth a gentle shake. "So, what will it be? Sticky Honey Roast? Sweet Madame? Or maybe..."
"I... I..." Paimon stammered. She looked down at the magical fabric, then up at the incredibly smug, teasing grin plastered across Lumine's face.
Slowly, she turned her head to look at her own newly acquired, hyper-muscular Stand floating menacingly behind her. A fierce, agonizing internal struggle waged behind her eyes: the ultimate temptation of limitless food versus the sheer, unbridled embarrassment of that photo.
In the end, gluttony claimed an overwhelming, flawless victory.
Her tiny shoulders slumped in defeat. She crossed her arms, puffing out her chest in a desperate attempt to feign magnanimity, though her voice still carried a heavy dose of grievance.
"Then... then I'll reluctantly forgive you... But! Absolutely! Absolutely no more mocking my Star Paimon! And no more randomly posting those photos to the group!"
She thrust a stubby little finger right up to Lumine's nose, her expression deadpan and intensely serious, as if she were dictating the terms of a sacred, binding contract.
"Okay, okay, I promise! I definitely won't post them randomly, and I'll try my absolute hardest not to mock... Pfft..."
Lumine nodded frantically, trying to keep a straight face. But the visual was simply too much. Here was tiny, adorable Paimon, desperately trying to maintain her fragile dignity while practically drooling over the prospect of a feast. And right behind her, the towering, absurdly muscular Star Paimon was mimicking her exact posture, crossing its massive, veiny arms with the exact same deadpan, serious expression.
The sheer, ridiculous contrast shattered Lumine's composure. She clamped a hand over her mouth, a snort escaping her lips before she dissolved into another fit of laughter.
"Lumine—!" Paimon's little face instantly puffed up into an angry, steamed bun.
"Cough! Sorry, sorry, my bad!" Lumine quickly slapped her cheeks, forcing her features into a mask of solemnity as she laid the [Gourmet Tablecloth] flat across the ground. "To express my deepest apologies, Paimon, this first grand meal is entirely up to you! Order whatever your heart desires! It's all on me!"
"...Hmph! That's more like it!" Paimon's attention snapped right back to the warm, welcoming embrace of gluttony. She floated cross-legged above the tablecloth, her small face radiating a renewed, sunny brightness.
She stroked her chin, seriously pondering the menu for this forgiveness feast, completely tossing the minor annoyance of her muscular Stand to the back of her mind.
The two figures, one normal-sized and one floating, gathered eagerly around the magical fabric. Even before a single dish was summoned, the phantom aroma of a world-class banquet seemed to drift through the air.
Meanwhile, miles away from the comedic chaos, Zhongli and Azhdaha strolled into the bustling heart of Chihu Rock. The familiar, comforting clatter of woks and the spicy, inviting aroma of cooking oil signaled their arrival at Wanmin Restaurant.
Azhdaha, currently in his human guise, was still grumbling, persistently badgering his old friend about the mysterious huge gift he had been promised.
Zhongli merely smiled, his amber eyes reflecting a quiet amusement. He could already picture Xiangling's reaction—the way her eyes would gleam with culinary madness, her hands rubbing together in pure excitement the moment she laid eyes on the [Giant Emperor Boar].
Fortunately, the young prodigy hadn't ventured out on one of her wild ingredient-hunting expeditions recently. She was right where she belonged, diligently experimenting with new, questionable recipes in the sweltering back kitchen of Wanmin Restaurant.
The moment she heard Mr. Zhongli had acquired some excellent, exotic ingredients for her to prepare, the energetic chef practically vibrated with excitement. Her eyes lit up like lanterns during the Rite of Lanterns, and she slammed a hand against her chest, agreeing without a second thought—she didn't even bother to take off her grease-stained apron.
However, she had tilted her head in confusion when Zhongli politely requested they move to a more spacious location for the processing. Was the backyard of Wanmin Restaurant really not big enough?
Her question was answered only after they hiked up to the summit of Mount Tianheng. The peak offered a sweeping, open view of Liyue Harbor below, accompanied by a gentle, cooling breeze. It was quiet, isolated, and undeniably a perfect spot for a picnic.
Only then did Zhongli step forward. With a casual, elegant flick of his long sleeve, his spatial storage activated.
THUD!
A dull, deafening impact echoed across the mountain peak, accompanied by a violent tremor that shook the very earth beneath their boots. The colossal carcass of the [Giant Emperor Boar] materialized out of thin air, crashing onto the grass.
"Whoa—!!!" Xiangling's shriek of pure shock pitched up several octaves. Her jaw dropped so low you could have easily shoved an entire Sunsettia into her mouth.
She was no stranger to massive beasts. The Great Snowboar King she and Lumine had hunted in the freezing depths of Dragonspine—a monster easily over ten meters long—had previously held the title of biggest ingredient in her mind. But the absolute unit lying before her now...
It was nearly twenty meters long. Its tusks curved outward like giant, ivory spears. Even though it was completely devoid of life, the sheer, oppressive weight of its mountainous size radiated a suffocating aura!
This single carcass completely shattered her entire understanding of what constituted an ingredient.
Standing beside her, Azhdaha crossed his arms, his thick eyebrows shooting up toward his hairline. "Ho!"
During the bloody, chaotic era of the Archon War, beasts of this absurd magnitude were a dime a dozen. But in this era of long-standing peace, such primordial titans were exceedingly rare.
Had Zhongli really just gone out for a casual visit and brought back something like this as a local specialty?
Beneath his surprise, the ancient earth dragon felt a deep, primal rumble in his stomach. The gluttonous worms of hunger, dormant for centuries, were violently awakened by the sight of this top-tier meat.
He hadn't enjoyed a proper meal in an eternity. This grand feast couldn't have come at a better time. For ancient, immortal beings like them, eating was no longer a biological necessity. But the simple, grounding pleasure of satisfying a craving—of tasting the fleeting, vibrant flavors of the mortal world—was a crucial anchor. It was the very bond that maintained their humanity, keeping them from slipping into the cold, detached apathy of pure divinity.
Xiangling finally snapped out of her initial stupor. She began sprinting in circles around the prehistoric beast, rubbing her small hands together at a frantic pace. Her eyes burned with a fervent, almost terrifying flame—the unique, manic passion of a master chef standing before the ultimate culinary challenge.
But that manic energy soon hit a brick wall. She was faced with a very practical dilemma: it was simply too big!
She drew her trusty chef's knife, but as she stared up at the mountain of thick hide and dense muscle, a wave of sheer powerlessness washed over her. She didn't even know where to make the first incision.
This wasn't just a matter of lacking physical strength. It was a complete, agonizing lack of experience in butchering something the size of a galleon!
A bitter sense of frustration—the agonizing feeling of being willing but unable—caused her bright expression to dim for a fraction of a second. But just as quickly, it was incinerated by an even fiercer fighting spirit. She had to get stronger!
She needed stronger physical power, hotter flames, and far more exquisite knife techniques!
Only then could she truly conquer every single ingredient this vast world had to offer!
Zhongli quietly observed the rapid shifts in Xiangling's expressions. Reading the room perfectly, he turned his head and spoke to the burly man beside him. "This creature possesses incredibly tough hide and impossibly thick flesh. Ordinary mortal blades will find no purchase here. Azhdaha, would you mind assisting our chef with the initial dissection?"
Azhdaha's immediate instinct was to scoff, cross his arms, and put on his usual arrogant airs. 'Are you already ordering me around like a servant again, Morax?'
But as the retort reached the tip of his tongue, he caught a glimpse of Zhongli's perfectly calm, expectant gaze. Then, his eyes drifted back to the mountain of marbled meat, and his stomach let out another demanding growl. He swallowed his pride, settling for a gruff, noncommittal hum.
With a mere thought, the air around him grew heavy. A massive, ancient greatsword materialized in his grip—[The Unforged]. The weapon pulsated with a deep, heavy Geo elemental radiance, carrying a weight capable of crushing mountains.
Azhdaha didn't even bother to assume a proper stance. He simply gave his wrist a casual, almost lazy flick. Several highly condensed, earthy-yellow arcs of sword light erupted from the blade, slicing through the air and sinking into the beast's massive body with zero resistance. It was like a hot knife gliding through soft tofu.
Squelch— Squelch— Squelch—
After a few soft, wet sounds, the mountain-sized boar shifted. The carcass neatly separated into several perfectly regular, massive chunks of meat. The cross-sections were incredibly smooth, practically mirroring the sky, showcasing the ancient dragon's terrifyingly exquisite control over his own devastating power.
Though it was only a basic, rough butchering, it completely solved Xiangling's dilemma, paving the way for her detailed processing.
"Wow! That was amazing! Thank you so much, mister!" Xiangling's eyes sparkled with awe as she bowed deeply, sincerely thanking this taciturn, incredibly strong friend of Mr. Zhongli.
With the obstacle removed, she didn't waste another second. She slapped her cheeks, instantly entering full battle mode.
Right on cue, Guoba materialized with a cheerful "Lu-lu!", hopping out onto the grass. The little bear god planted his feet, his tiny, dark eyes locked onto the giant slabs of meat with absolute, unwavering focus. The ultimate cookout had begun.
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