After that day, things started to change.
Not outside…
But inside me.
I began to notice her more than before.
Not just from a distance anymore…
But from closer than I ever had.
Because now, we talked.
Not much.
Not every day.
But enough to make it harder for me.
The group assignment became an excuse.
We would sit together sometimes.
Discuss small things.
Share a few words.
And every time she smiled…
It made me forget everything else.
For those moments, I felt… happy.
Like I was part of her world, even if it was just a small part.
But that feeling never lasted long.
Because reality always came back.
One afternoon, after school, I saw her again.
She was standing near the gate.
Waiting.
I knew who she was waiting for.
And just like always…
He came.
Her boyfriend.
He walked up to her, smiling like it was the most normal thing in the world.
And she smiled back.
That same smile.
The one I thought was special.
The one that made me feel something.
Seeing her give that smile to someone else…
It hurt more than I expected.
I stood there for a moment, unable to move.
Watching them together.
Talking… laughing…
Like I didn't even exist.
And maybe… I really didn't.
I turned away quickly and started walking.
My steps felt heavier than usual.
My chest felt tight.
I didn't want to think about it.
But my mind wouldn't stop.
"Why does it hurt this much?"
I asked myself.
I already knew everything.
I knew she had someone.
I knew I had no place in her life.
Then why…
Why did it feel like I was losing something?
Something that was never mine.
The next day, things felt different again.
We had to complete our assignment.
So, we sat together like before.
"Did you finish your part?" she asked.
"Yeah," I replied. "Almost."
"Good," she said. "Let's complete it today."
Her voice was normal.
Calm.
Like nothing had changed.
But for me… everything had changed.
I couldn't look at her the same way.
Not after what I saw.
I tried to focus on the work, but my mind kept going back to that moment.
Her smile.
With him.
It kept repeating in my head.
"Are you okay?" she suddenly asked.
I looked up, surprised.
"Yeah… why?"
"You seem quiet today," she said.
I forced a small smile.
"I'm fine."
She looked at me for a second… like she was trying to understand something.
But then she nodded and went back to the assignment.
Maybe she noticed.
Or maybe she didn't.
Either way…
It didn't matter.
Because I couldn't tell her the truth.
I couldn't tell her that just seeing her with someone else was enough to break me.
That would be unfair.
Unnecessary.
And meaningless.
So I stayed silent.
Like always.
After finishing the work, we submitted it together.
"Good job," she said with a small smile.
"You too," I replied.
And that was it.
Just a normal conversation.
But behind it…
There was something I couldn't show.
Something I couldn't say.
That evening, I walked home alone.
The road felt longer than usual.
The noise around me didn't matter.
My thoughts were louder.
"This is getting worse," I said to myself.
And I was right.
The closer I got to her…
The more it hurt.
But even then…
I couldn't step back.
I couldn't stop talking to her.
I couldn't stop feeling this way.
It was like being stuck in something I didn't choose…
But couldn't escape.
That night, I realized something.
This wasn't just a simple crush anymore.
It was something deeper.
Something heavier.
Something that was slowly breaking me…
And I had no idea how to fix it.