BOILING POINT
Ruan's phone buzzed endlessly, Est, West, Ken, even Lumi had called. But he left it on airplane mode. Since the day he had a conversation with Akari, he has never been right. He ditched classes, didn't talk to his friends. Literally he spent more time playing basketball, gaming and gym.
That day he sat on the edge of a abandoned basketball court near the riverside, hoodie up, head bowed, cigarette burning slowly between his fingers.
He kept replaying Akari's words.
"I don't feel anything"...".It was a mistake."
Lies. He saw it in his eyes. The trembling hands. The softness that came when Ruan had touched him that night. The kiss hadn't been forced, it felt real. Raw and desperate.
So why lie?
Ruan kicked a stone across the court, screaming into the wind. His chest ached. Not because Akari pushed him away, but because he knew Akari was hurting too...and still chose to suffer.
The sun had already dipped below the horizon by the time Ruan got home, ball under his hand. The house was unusual quiet, yet lights were all on. And...
"Ruan."
He froze.
On the couch, legs crossed like he owned the palace sat Ivan Koo. His older brother. The golden boy. The heir. The disappointment in a sharp suit.
"You've grown taller," Ivan said with a bored tone, eyes scanning his phone. "You are a senior right now? Aren't you?"
"What are you doing here?" Ruan asked sharply.
Ivan didn't answer. He just smirked, sipping his wine.
Ivan Koo only showed up at home whenever there was a special event being held at home or a business trip. Ruan could already feel the headache building. So much was going on in his mind right now and he didn't want this conversation to go on so he went to his room.
The next morning, during breakfast sat Eric Koo at the head of the table like a king declaring war. Ivan sat on his right.
Ruan walked from his room and met them laughing at the breakfast table. He ignored their laughs and past them.
"Ruan!" his father called.
He paused and turned.
"If you are not going to join us at least greet," his father said.
"Morning," he said disappointed wanting to leave.
"Wait," Ivan stopped him.
He sighed, "Fuck does he want!" Ruan mumbled under his breath before he turned to them.
"Um...father, you said you wanted to tell us something during breakfast today. What was it?" Ivan said.
"Oh! Yes that... I remember. Ruan sit down," Eric said.
Ruan unwillingly walked towards the table. He pulled the chair and sat leaning on it.
"I had a talk with Lumi on Tuesday." Eric began, slicing through his steam. "Lumi...is a responsible girl. Very thoughtful. She suggested the engagement to be held immediately after your final exams."
Ruan raised his head. Brows knit. Jaw clenched.
"What?"
Eric continued casually, "It will be official. Her father already agreed too."
Ivan sipped his tea. "Lumi seems to be a very bright girl. I can't wait to meet her."
Ruan pushed his chair behind, standing abruptly. "Did it even occur to you to ask me what I want?"
Eric gave him that look. That cold and dismissive look. "You don't know what you want. That's your problem."
Ruan's blood boiled.
"She's not my girlfriend. Never has been."
"Well, she's about to become your fiancée. Act like a man and take responsibility."
Ruan's fists clenched at his sides. His eyes flicked towards Ivan, who seemed amused.
Eric stood now too. "This is not up for discussion. You will do what is required. Be like your brother."
Eric then left the place, escorted by his aide.
Ivan chuckled softly. "I guess you still haven't grown up, little bro."
Ruan gave him a cold look then stormed out.
***
Lumi was walking on her way to class when Ruan pulled her and walked her to the basketball court. Lumi tried to complain on the way but Ruan didn't let her go.
"What's with you?" Lumi said checking on her wrist. "You almost cut off my wrist."
"Wh..." he caught his breath first. "Why would you do that?" he snarled.
His knuckles were still white from folding fists. He stood in front of Lumi, chest rising and falling with fury.
Lumi folded hands on her chest, "Do what?"
"The engagement. You decided the date without talking to me first."
"Aah...that," Lumi smiled slightly, "I only did what my father wanted."
"That's bullshit and you know it," Ruan shot back. He pointed at her. "You've been playing this game like it's all fun for you. The fake relationship, lies...now this?"
Lumi stared at him as he grumbled for a while before she scoffed rubbing the bridge under her nose.
"You are laughing? Is this funny to you?"
She looked at him. "You finally showed your claws. Listen...Ruan; I think I was very clear from the very start, that this is business. So pull yourself together, this is not some kind of romantic thing."
Ruan scoffed sadly, "Business you say." He ran his hand through his hair. "If its business then why didn't you discuss with me about the engagement date. You just recklessly went and discussed it with my father, without me."
"Then tighten up. What? Do you think is a friendly business?" she laughed sarcastically. "It's a rival business, wake up Ruan."
She said, then turned and walked away.
Ruan balled his fists. Trembling. Jaw clenching. "Ah!" he screamed. "Why, why, why, why...." He said hitting on the wall, no tears only red- eyed.
"Hey, Ruan stop!"
Somebody stopped him from hurting himself.
Non-other than Akari.
"Stop. You are hurting yourself." Akari said holding Ruan's shoulders. "Why are you doing this to yourself Ruan?"
The two locked eyes. That made Ruan's eyes soften for the moment. He didn't think of anything and directly hugged Akari, burying his face in Akari's neck.
Akari froze, it was not the right place for this but still he couldn't push him. He hesitantly raised his hands and wrapped them around Ruan too. And slowly, he started patting him.
Apparently, Akari happened to overhear there conversation to the staff. However, he didn't mean to eavesdrop at all, he was just passing by.
Ruan still hugging Akari, "This morning, my dad said I didn't know what I wanted," he said, then slowly pulled out of the hug. "Maybe, you were right. I think I'm confused right now. I...I don't know what to do."
Ruan's tone was so down. It broke Akari to see Ruan that way and couldn't stop himself from tearing. He slowly raised his hand to caress Ruan's cheek, but, Ruan stepped back.
"Leave." Ruan said firmly.
"Ruan I..."
"Just leave," Ruan insisted.
Akari turned to leave, but then he said, "See the nurse. Have her check on your knuckles."
Unwillingly, Akari took his leave. On his way out, different thoughts flooded in his mind. Business with Lumi. And the engagement? He couldn't get all that. He always knew Lumi and Ruan was a very good couple. And this? It was all not clear to him.
***
"That's enough." May said yanking away the beer that Ruan wanted to sip.
That evening he dropped at May's to hit one or two drinks. He thought maybe that would numb what he had been feeling lately. Eyes puffy and face red.
"Hey, May." He called, "Tell me, what does it takes for a person to know what they want?"
May smiled her hands busy wiping the glasses. She glanced at Ruan, slouched, defeated, eyes red from more than just alcohol.
"Sometimes? Pain. Sometimes peace. But mostly...time."
Ruan chuckled bitterly, "Time, huh? And what if time keeps telling you different things? What if today you want something so bad it hurts...but tomorrow, fear tells you, you can't have it?"
"Then maybe you're not confused. Maybe you already know what you want. You are just scared to want it." Maya said softly.
Silence. Ruan's fingers traced the rim of the empty glass.
"He told me to stay away from him. Said he didn't feel the same. But I saw it...I saw it in his eyes. He was afraid just like me. Maybe because it's impossible for a teacher–student right?"
"Love makes cowards of all of us at first. We've all got something to lose." May said gently.
"I just wanted us to try and work it out. Find a way or something. I just wanted a chance." Ruan said voice low.
"Then maybe it's not about fixing it anymore. Maybe it's about showing him...that love doesn't have to be something we run from." May advised.
Ruan swallowed hard. His eyes stung again.
"What if I already lost him?"
May smiled faintly catching Ruan's hand. "Then he was never yours. But if he's hurting too...you'll know. People who feel deeply always find their way back. Even if it takes a while. Time remember."
Ruan looked at her, gratitude flickering beneath the pain.
"Thanks, May. You're too good at this." Ruan said forcing a smile.
May grinned, "Comes with running a bar and hearing a thousand broken hearts spill their stories. Yours just happens to be one of the real ones."
She nudged the beer bottle further away.
"Now drink water. You've got a soul to fight for not a liver to kill" May teased.
Ruan laughed softly, and for the first time that day, it felt a little easier to breath.