ART, WHINE AND UNANSWERED.
Akari yawned, sitting up on his bed. His eyes barely opening. He placed his hand on his forehead. It was killing him. He got off the bed lazily and headed to the washroom wash his face first.
Looking at his mirror, he tried to remember what really happened last night. But the memory was still vague. But all he could remember was the Ruan's presence last night.
He washed his face first then went for his phone.
There were two messages from Ruan. He made a call to school that he was feeling under the weather so he won't be coming. Luckily, they understood him and asked him to take his time until he was better.
Then after he went back at Ruan's texts: How is it? Are you enjoying the soup? You can go for cake instead. Just make sure you make it out alive.
He rushed to the leaving room, and there he found soup. Ruan had ordered it before he went out for school.
Beside the table was a small gift box.
Akari smiled slightly. He sat and slowly dug in. While at it, some memories from last night snapped him. The spoon from his hand slipped. He covered his mouth with his palm, eyes wide.
"No way!" he screamed inside. "First the kiss, and now this."
That evening, Akari called the landlady to clear his monthly rent.
"You might have good friends. I met a young man coming from your house this morning. I told him to pass you the message about the rent and instead he paid it up for you instead." The land said over the phone.
Akari sighed in disbelief. The situation was getting out of hand. Ruan was doing too much.
On the other side of the city, that evening, the city lights flickered against glass buildings as sleek cars lined up outside the gallery's hall. The Koto Fine Arts Museum was hosting a special night exhibition. A luxury event filled with soft jazz, curated lighting, and sharp–dressed guests holding wine glasses and fake smiles
Ruan stepped out of the car, dressed in a sleek black suit. Lumi, glamorous as ever, clung to his arm. The flashing cameras caught them immediately.
"Why do I have to remind you to smile every time?" she whispered through her teeth. He forced one. His eyes scanned the crowd, but his thoughts weren't there. Even closer.
All he could think of was Akari, whether he was okay, whether he ate, whether he remembered about last night? Why hasn't he replied? He had sent him multiple texts but Akari answered none of them. And it was freaking him out.
They entered the gallery, passing large canvases of modern art and whispering critics. Ruan barely noticed the paintings. He kept checking his phone, even under the table during wine toast.
Lumi noticed.
"You've been on that screen all evening," she said, swirling her drink. "Expecting a message from your secret lover?"
Ruan shot her a glance. "Don't start."
She smiled sweetly, leaning closer. "Oh, don't worry. You've already told me enough with your silence."
Before he could reply, a waiter passed by, and Lumi excused herself to greet a curator. Ruan took the chance to step outside to the balcony. He pulled out his phone again.
Still no reply.
He sighed; thumb hovering over Akari's name.
He tried giving him a call but still he didn't answer.
Just tell me you're okay. Please. He sent a text.
Meanwhile, Akari sat on his couch; he just stared at the texts not knowing what to answer. He bit his nails trying to crack it out.
"Thanks for yesterday but about the rent you....." deleted. "The cake was...." deleted. "You didn't have to pay up..." deleted.
He literally didn't know what to text. All that was happening was happening too fast. And he just needed time to process everything out.
***
The bell rang for the end of the last class.
Students poured out in chatter, but Ruan didn't move from his seat until he spotted Akari walking swiftly down the hallway. Without hesitation, he followed him, weaving past students, his eyes fixed.
"Mr. Akari!" he called.
No response.
"Hey," Ruan caught up and stood infront him. "Hi...Um...You didn't text back yesterday. I was worried."
Akari ignored him and went on walking.
"Hey coat check, Wh..."
"Don't...call me that," Akari snarled stopping.
He sighed. He looked left and right before he suddenly yanked Ruan by the wrist into an old storage room, one of the unused ones behind the lab wing. He closed the door behind them, careful.
The tension in the air was suffocating.
"What are you doing?" Ruan asked, confused.
Akari pulled something from his bag, the small wrapped birthday gift Ruan had given. He shoved it into Ruan's chest.
"First, thanks for that night. I'm not trying to sound rude, but you shouldn't have come that night." Akari said sounding coldly.
Ruan scoffed, "Mr. Akari...what...are you trying to mean? It's dusty in here, your allergy..."
"Why did you pay up my rent kid?" Akari cut him bitterly.
Ruan tried to smile, "Well... that...is that's why you are acting like this today?"
"Don't you think you are crossing the line?" Akari asked coldly.
Ruan's jaw clenched, "Crossing the line?" he sneered. "Who is crossing the line here? You kissed me that night and—"
Akari face toned down.
"Tha...that was a...mistake. I'm sorry I was just not in my right mind." he snapped.
Ruan chuckled, nodding his head. "Mistake you say." He mumbled under his breath.
Silence. Ruan's fingers curled around the gift.
Akari huffed sadly. He leaned on the table nearby.
"Big boy...no...Ruan, what I'm trying to say is that, I'm your teacher. You're my student. This...whatever this is between us...has to stop. It's not right and you know that."
Ruan stepped closer, voice shaking but firm.
"'Us'? So we are something. Then what are we?" He asked, looking directly into his eyes.
Akari tried to avoid Ruan's look. Akari's eyes were already getting teary. He swallowed some saliva before he answered dryly.
"As I said. You are my student. I'm your teacher."
"If you are my teacher and I'm your student, then why are you making a big deal out of it?"
"Because...." he froze. Akari couldn't form any words except for the tears.
Ruan ran his palm through his face. He slowly stepped more closely to Akari, and said desperately, "I know why. Maybe its position or is it...me? The society, status, scandal, whatever it is...age?"
Akari looked away, struggling to stay composed.
"You're too young. But someday I hope you will understand that this is not right. Maybe you're just confused, Ruan."
"Are you referring that I don't know what I want for myself?" Ruan asked.
"No. That's not what I meant."
"Then what? Why? You told us once in class to be honest with how we feel. I am. I've never been sure of anything. I have kissed plenty of girls. I have hugged plenty of people. But none...none...hits more like when you do. So why are you running?"
"Ruan, no...Please. Please snap out of it. This isn't right. Don't you see?"
Silence.
Akari sneezed. His allergy was acting up. It was too dusty in the room.
"I should get going," Akari said, head lowered trying to hide his blushed face.
"Then say it," Ruan said.
Akari froze. Say what?
"Say it to my face that you've never felt anything when I'm near. That you don't think about me when I leave. That the kiss meant nothing."
Akari looked away.
"Look at me and say it."
"I'm your teacher," Akari repeated.
"That's not the answer."
Akari wiped his tears and looked into Ruan's eyes, "I don't feel anything. Satisfied?" he said flatly.
Ruan stared at him for a long second. His heart cracked, loudly inside his chest, but his face stayed blank.
"...okay," he whispered.
Akari turned and left the chamber without another word.
He'd told Ruan the kiss was a mistake. That he didn't feel anything. He lied. And it broke something inside him to do so.
But what choice did he have?
If the school found out...If anyone knew...He'd lose everything. His job. His future. And Ruan...Ruan didn't deserve the mess that came with loving him.
Still, it didn't stop the ache in his chest.
He stood, went to the drawer, and pulled out the old photograph, the one of him and Kian, still tucked away after all this time. Then he looked at looked at Ruan's pullover.
He reached for it...then stopped. He couldn't.
He buried his face in the pullover, letting the tears fall freely now. He had pushed away the only person who'd made him feel alive for a slight bit.