"Life was nothing but a continuous disappointment."
"Day after day, year after year, nothing ever changes."
"Only one's emotions slowly fade away like a candle burning out."
"Until nothing remains… but darkness."
The life I lived was nothing but a series of constant disappointments, and there were many moments where I wanted to abandon everything and run away.
During what should have been the happiest time of a person's life—childhood—I lost the most important thing I had
my family.
I lived in my relatives' house, and I cannot say it was a good experience.
In a dark room, with only the faint light of a candle barely illuminating the space, there was nothing but pain, fear, and intimidation.
It continued for years… and that was only the beginning.
When I turned eighteen, my parents' belongings were finally returned to me—things my relatives had been greedy for.
Perhaps I was lucky that I listened to someone's advice back then and spoke to a lawyer.
He advised me to transfer a small portion of my assets and cut ties with them.
Maybe the moment I handed the stamped paper to my relative and his wife was the happiest moment of my life.
The shock and anger on his face… and what I loved the most was that he realized something.
He couldn't do anything at all.
My life continued. I studied at university and graduated. I can't say those were good times either—my gloomy personality led to rejection from everyone.
In the end, I was left without friends, let alone a girlfriend.
Eventually, I graduated quietly with decent grades.
I spent a lot of my time studying.
I wasn't talented or particularly intelligent, nor did I have a perfect memory or anything like that, so I had to put in constant effort.
I stayed up many nights just to make sure I graduated with good grades.
Life went on, year after year. I lived and lived, yet that one thought never changed.
"Life was nothing but a continuous disappointment."
In the end, I wanted to escape reality, and I found the one thing that saved me and helped me endure.
Novels became my safe haven ...my place filled with joy and happiness.
I watched the stories of different people forming bonds, growing stronger, and fighting in exciting battles full of passion and hope.
I read many novels, and years passed while I continued this hobby.
Not much changed for me, even when I turned twenty-seven.
A good job and a house—my effort and pain were worth it.
Not to mention the assets I owned, which allowed me to live comfortably.
But it still didn't end.
Today, the hospital sent me a message asking me to come urgently.
I wore appropriate clothes, locked the door, and headed to the hospital to meet the doctor.
"Cancer."
That single word shocked me for days. I could never forget it.
"Mr. Jin, your condition is very serious. The disease has reached its final stage… I'm afraid you don't have much time left."
I thought he was joking ....but he wasn't. He showed me reports, scans, and all kinds of proof. In the end, he told me to live happily for whatever time I had left.
Happiness? What the hell kind of happiness is there when you know you're going to die from a cursed disease?
Where did all my effort, my suffering, and my pain go? Why did I even live until now?
Is this how my life was meant to be? Is this my fate? Am I really going to die?
I had things I wanted—not much, but enough. And now… I would lose myself before losing anything else.
I would die.
I fell into despair. Pain, denial ...I tried everything: praying, donating, helping others… anything just to be cured.
But nothing worked. The illness didn't go away.
In the end… I calmed down and accepted everything.
No… I didn't accept anything. I just couldn't do anything anymore.
So in the end, I accepted despair.
Once again, I ran away—just like I always did. I returned to reading novels to forget my reality and immerse myself in happier stories.
And now, here I am, sitting in my room as usual, lying on my comfortable bed and watch in my phone.
Maybe "watch" isn't the right word—I was reading another novel to pass the time.
The novel I'm currently reading is called World Record.
A novel abandoned by its author before reaching its final volume.
A dark plot, powerful monsters, and strange races.
A smart protagonist—slightly villainous—portraying a realistic character, not some idiot rushing into danger and winning through friendship or love.
The interactions were enjoyable. Watching his journey filled with regret and despair reminded me of my own.
But his future was different from mine.
He gained real friends and companions who walked the same path, mentors who were like family, and even found love.
That's why I read this novel for the third time, even though it was incomplete.
I read the last available chapter again.
After a few minutes, I finished it, turned off my phone, and looked toward the window. Moonlight painted my room in silver.
It was beautiful.
I hadn't noticed it before, but the moon was truly beautiful.
Maybe if I ended my life while staring at the moon… I wouldn't feel bored at all.
I left the bed and stood up to look at it… perhaps for the last time.
The sky was dark, decorated with clouds, and the moon hung within it like a masterpiece painted by a great artist.
I stared for a few minutes before closing the curtains.
After that, I went to the bathroom.
It took a bit of time, then I stood in front of the sink and turned on the faucet.
Cold water ran over my hand ..it felt refreshing.
I washed my face and slowly raised my head, looking at my reflection in the mirror.
Long black hair, dark blue eyes… but something was off. There was no expression.
A face empty of emotion—no happiness, no sadness. Only dark circles deepened the gloom of my already decent features.
My eyes looked like a deep, still well.
I stared at my reflection for a few seconds before returning to my room.
I closed the bathroom door behind me and slowly walked to my bed.
I lay down once again.
I stared at the ceiling, thinking.
What if luck had smiled at me just a little?
What if I wasn't sick?
What if I wasn't such a gloomy person?
What if I had friends…?
What if my family were still alive?
I thought as a lump formed in my throat and tears gathered in my eyes.
I kept thinking for a few minutes.
I rested my head and let my thoughts drift away.
And I sank into the darkness.