In a house painted pitch black, smelling worse than a month's worth of unwashed socks, Ki Mangkurondo woke up with a pounding headache. His mind flashed back to last night's field disaster—where he passed out and had his robe chewed on by a demon goat.
"Damn it! That kid... he brainwashed my wife!" Ki Mangkurondo growled, slamming the side of his bed.
He spotted Nyai Mangkududo in the corner. Instead of making coffee, she was busy putting on makeup using last night's leftover baby powder, grinning like a fool while staring at a sketch of Kara she'd secretly drawn on a greasy fried-food wrapper.
"Nyai! What the hell are you doing?!"
"Shut it, you old prune! I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm gonna be a good wife for Mas Kara!" she snapped back without even looking at him.
Ki Mangkurondo's blood boiled. This was about his pride as a senior shaman. "Baskara... you think you can take my woman? Just you wait... I'm gonna make you regret the day you were born!"
He crawled toward his black wooden box and pulled out a straw voodoo doll. Its stomach was pierced with a rusty needle and wrapped in matted hair. He began chanting in a raspy, terrifying voice.
"Die... let your belly swell... let your guts rot... let your love burn!"
Meanwhile, back at Baskara's shack...
Kara was chilling, legs stretched out, enjoying the breeze and the sweet taste of last night's victory. In his hand was a glass of sweet iced tea with ice cubes that had long since melted.
"Man, life is good, Tem. Won against a shaman, got a fan club of local moms, even though I almost got carried off by Cruel," Kara muttered.
The System gave him a side-eye. It was also drinking iced tea through a straw—yeah, you read that right—it didn't have hands, but it made it work.
[You seem pretty chirpy for a deadweight. By the way, those stolen fans from last night haven't been returned yet. If the villagers find out, you're gonna get mobbed. Oh, and I almost forgot your sin balance!]
[Sin Balance: +1,000]
[Merit Balance: -600,000]
[Enjoy your stay in hell tomorrow. Guaranteed misery.]
"Oh, shut up! Why is my sin count so high?! I'm just a fake shaman, not a corrupt politician! And how the hell can a robot like you drink iced tea? Won't you short-circuit?!"
[Please, deadweight. I told you I'm not just any basic robot. Even if I was built on a budget, my quality is top-tier!]
"Whatever you say."
[Warning! Mid-level negative energy detected! Someone is sending a mystical delivery: The Eternal Bloated Belly Curse!]
"Cough!" Kara choked on his tea. "What?! Another curse? That mall-shaman just won't quit!"
Baskara tried to stand, but suddenly, his stomach twisted in pain. It felt like a 3kg LPG gas tank was being forced through his belly button.
"Urgh... Tem! This hurts! My stomach feels like it's gonna explode!" Kara clutched his hardening belly, his face turning pale.
Suddenly, a cold hand tapped his shoulder. Cruel appeared out of nowhere, eyes fixed toward the southwest—the direction of Ki Mangkurondo's house.
"So, he still wants to play," Cruel whispered, his voice sending chills down anyone's spine.
"C-Cruel... help me... Abang's stomach... if this pops, my iced tea is gonna fly everywhere!" Kara whined dramatically.
Cruel sighed, bored. He placed his hand on Kara's forehead. "Just stay still. Let that old incense-breather taste what 'full' really feels like."
Cruel closed his eyes. His hands moved fast, forming mystical seals in the air. A reddish-black circle appeared in front of Kara's stomach.
"Go back to your master, find your source, and multiply in his gut! Reversal Curse: Reverse Pregnancy!"
WHOOSH!
The black energy crushing Kara's stomach was suddenly sucked into the circle and shot off like a bullet toward the forest.
Back at Ki Mangkurondo's place.
The old man was sipping coffee in his living room, smirking as he waited for news of Baskara's death.
"Hahaha! I can't wait to hear that kid died. His stomach is probably about to pop! He's gonna—"
BOOM!
The door to Ki Mangkurondo's house burst open like it was hit by a hurricane. The black energy he'd sent out came back ten times larger.
"Wait, why is it back?!" Ki Mangkurondo's eyes bulged.
Before he could run, the energy slammed into his navel.
"ARRRRGGGGHHH!"
He hit the floor. Suddenly, his skinny belly began to swell. Pop! Pop! Pop! His buttons flew off one by one. His stomach kept growing, rounding out until it looked like a giant wrecking ball.
"W-what is this?! Why am I like this?!" he screamed, losing his balance because his stomach was heavier than a woman pregnant with quintuplets.
Nyai Mangkududo, who had been doing her makeup, turned around and burst out laughing.
"Bwahahaha! Aki! Where are you gonna give birth? The clinic or a midwife? Your belly is huge, like a dad who eats too many fritters at the guard post! Must be the result of your affair with that ghost Kunti! Serves you right!"
"Shut up, Nyai! Help me... this is so heavy!" He tried to crawl, but his belly made a loud 'glug-glug' sound like boiling water mixed with a tiger's fart.
[Notification! Curse Status: Successfully Reversed. Ki Mangkurondo has gained the 'Phantom Pregnancy' status for 40 days and 40 nights!]
Kara felt instant relief. He stood up and started jumping around. "Whoa! I feel so light! Dek, what did you do?"
Cruel just smirked, wiping his hands with a tissue. "Just gave him a little 'gift' so he knows how those women he tried to set you up with feel."
Kara stared. "You mean... he's actually pregnant?"
Cruel shrugged. "Basically, he's got a permanent belly until he comes here and apologizes on his knees. And don't worry—he won't be able to fart for the duration."
Kara shuddered. "You're brutal, kid. But hey, karma's a bitch."
Baskara's House (Calm before the storm, again)
Baskara was about to bite into a warm mendoan when a shrill scream shattered the peace.
"BASKARAAAAA! COME OUT, YOU UNACCOUNTABLE MAN!"
"Cough!" Kara choked on a chili. "What now, Tem?! Who's shouting about 'unaccountable'? I haven't even touched anyone's daughter!"
[Notification! Drama Queen level threat detected. Nyai Mangkududo has arrived. Status: Fake Rage (Actual Status: Thirsty).]
Baskara rushed to the porch, followed by Cruel, whose face was already dark with annoyance. Nyai Mangkududo stood at the gate in a melodramatic pose, hand on her forehead, pointing at Kara.
"Look! Look at what you did to my husband, Mas!" she wailed like a soap opera actress.
'Tem, since when does she call me 'Mas'? Am I her husband or something?'
[Who knows, deadweight. She's probably off her meds.]
"My husband's belly is huge! He can't walk, can't sleep, he can barely even open his mouth! You have to take responsibility!"
Kara gaped. "Wait, Nyai? He started it! Who told him to send a curse to the wrong address?"
"I don't care!" She suddenly marched forward, leaning in close to him. She smelled like baby powder and incense. "You're coming home with me to fix my husband, or else..."
She lowered her voice, giving him a thirsty wink. "...you can just take his place at my house. How about it? I'm a great cook, Mas Kara..."
Kara jumped back three steps. "Whoa! Chill out, Nyai! Aki is literally 'pregnant' at home and you're offering me his spot?! Plus, you're a shaman, can't you fix your own husband?"
Cruel stepped between them, his aura so cold the grass around his feet literally withered.
"Leave," Cruel said, short and sharp.
"Oh, don't be so mean, little brother-in-law..." she teased, fearless.
Cruel gave a thin, bone-chilling smirk. "One more step toward my brother, and I'll make your belly swell too. Want to try?"
Nyai Mangkududo shut up instantly, remembering her husband's 'human ball' situation.
"E-eh... fine, fine! So grumpy!" She backed away slowly. "Mas Kara! Think about my offer! I'll be waiting at home!"
She ran off, but still managed to blow a flying kiss toward the traumatized Baskara.
[Notification! Nyai Mangkududo's 'Meleyot' level has reached 100%. She is planning to make a special martabak offering to win your heart.]
Kara slumped onto the floor. "Tem... why is my life full of thirsty shamans? I just want some peace..."
Cruel looked at him blankly and slammed the door. "That's what you get. Don't be too handsome if you're not ready for the consequences."
Baskara: "Wait, why am I the one getting blamed?!"